Saturday, April 20, 2013

How Do Modern Couples Express Love?

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By Mgcini Nyoni

How do modern couples express love for each other? Honestly, saying I love you hardly cuts it and besides, we tend to say I love you to a lot of people whom we are not romantically involved in and the use of words and phrases like sthandwa sami (my love), darling, sweetheart... is random and hardly reserved for the person we call our soul mate.

Physical contact; kissing, hugging, holding hands… has increased amongst people who are not romantically involved and is no longer the preserve of that one, special person. So how do modern couples express love for each other? How do they show each other that they care?

Traditionally, it was the exclusive duty of the woman to take care of the home and family whilst the man provided for the family. In washing, cooking...for the husband, the wife showed that she cared. And in making sure that the family is properly provided for, the man expressed his love for his wife. It was not really necessary for them to tell each other that they loved each other. It can be argued that what was happening between married couples back then was not love at all, but that’s a debate for another day.

With the advent of civilisation, the exclusive role of the man as the provider for the family has been taken away. In a number of cases, the woman has continued washing, cooking and so on for the husband and this way women have maintained their way of expressing their love for their husbands. Men have continued demanding that women push the ‘taking care’ of husband and family role and in many cases, unfairly so.

Femi Fani Kayode Speaks on Love, Marriage and Divorce

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I was a fan of Femi Fani Kayode while he was in the Obasanjo government. He was a good looking man, younger than a lot of the others in the cabinet, and well spoken. I knew nothing about him as a person or his personal life. And then I left Nigeria, he left the government and kind of faded from the public eye. My interest was rekindled in him after a politically motivated exchange of words he had with Reuben Abati.

And then he made the remarks about the dead girlfriend of Oscar Pistorius, [read here] which I found thoughtless and gratuitously provocative. When I learnt he granted a personal interview to this Christian blog, I was interested, and after reading, I think I see where those nasty comments were coming from. We are to believe he's a repented and reformed philanderer, who really loves his wife even though they're living separate lives and he just finished dating someone else not too long ago. Yeah, right.

I found his thoughts on love and marriage interesting, if not something I agree with. He presents a perspective that we rarely hear from. Most womanizers never speak up, and at least Fani Kayode is speaking from a place of knowing he made mistakes. On divorce, some could say he's taking a pro-stand because he's a divorcee, but it makes sense. Here are some excerpts from the interview;

Janelle Monae Covers Essence - Why She Wears Black and White

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I heard about Janelle Monae when Archandroid came out, and then I found she had a previous album which I actually preferred. I also like her look and her videos and it was pleasant to find she is on the cover of Essence for May. [See Kerry Washington on March cover]

When asked about why she wears mostly black and white, she replied;

"It's a dedication to uniformity and I'm a minimalist by heart, but a lot of it had to do with me wanting to have a uniform like the working class, like my mom and my grandmother. My grandmother had 16 sisters and brothers and they all had to share one pair of shoes. And so that's the family that I come from -- I don't ever want to be detached from that. I use it as motivation for my music and to just keep me centered, grounded and to stay on message."

What is Difference Between Relaxed and Texlaxed Hair?

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Texlaxed Hair
 In the comments to my last hair post, some asked what the difference was between relaxed and texlaxed hair. I had read about texlaxing on a few blogs, and seen some videos of people who had texlaxed their hair, but I still had to ask my stylist exactly what she meant when she brought it up as an option.

Basically, she said, it was the same as relaxing, you use the same chemicals to straighten the texture of the hair. However, in texlaxing,

1. the relaxer is diluted with natural oils and conditioners,
2. it is applied strand by strand like usual, but kind of combed into the hair
3. it is not allowed to stay on long enough to completely stretch out the hair.

The result is that some of your hair is texturized, some of it is relaxed, some may even remain completely unstraightened depending on the texture of your natural hair. Below is what my hair looks like after I shampooed off the flat-ironing. I'll be sharing more posts of how I try to keep my hair healthy as time goes on.

Curvy Is Beautiful - Ma’Bello Clothier Styles Full Figured Women

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I don't know how some of these PR people get our email addresses but I do receive a lot of publicity material to promote brands and such like. If I don't know you I'll ignore such emails. But I liked the pictures that came with this PR especially this top one that reminded me of the Igbo traditional outfit for the married women - two wrappers and a lace top. I think this is a skirt in the picture though.

The designs are by Ma’Bello Clothier (MBC) who makes clothes specially for fashionable curvy or plus size women. "The collection pictured here see two curvy models in stylish, figure enhancing floral patterns, African prints, silk, lacey designs and clothing accessories. MBC has special expertise in designing, fitting and styling the latest fashions to flatter the curvy woman."

Enjoy the pictures and be inspired.

Friday, April 19, 2013

Manhunt Over in Boston Marathon Bombings

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Dzhokhar Tsarnaev

Earlier this evening, the Police captured Boston Marathon bombing suspect Dzhokhar Tsarnaev after his brother was killed in a shooutout last night. The news broke as we had dinner and I let a huge weight off. The prospect of terror attacks is not an easy one, and it's not easier knowing America may have even more enemies that we had previously known. But it is a relief that at least one of the suspects was captured alive to yield some information and also face the family of those he and his brother killed. According to USAToday;

Police arrested the 19-year-old at about 8:45 p.m., after finding him holed up in a covered boat stored in the backyard of a Watertown residence. He was led to an ambulance and driven to a hospital, where he is listed in serious condition.
Tsarnaev's capture came two hours after Massachusetts Gov. Deval Patrick ended a Boston-area lockdown after a massive, day-long search of suburban Watertown, which seemingly failed to flush out the teenager.
Dozens of bystanders cheered and applauded as police left the scene.

Kim Kardashian Gets Her Divorce

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Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries marriage came to an end today, April 19 after a judge dissolved it during a court hearing. It took Kim and Kris a year and a half of back and forth, he said she said, to come to this divorce settlement, and they were only married for 72 days, lol.

In was said that the delay in the Kim Kardashian-Kris Humphries divorce, though Kim's already expecting a child with Kanye West, is because instead of divorce, Kris wanted an annulment to their marriage on the grounds of fraud. Kris was going to prove in a court of law that their short-lived marriage was a sham, contracted for the sole purpose of boosting their reality show TV ratings.

Well, I guess he had no proof. Not only did Kim get her divorce, Kris gets no monetary settlement either, not even his legal fees.

Dear Myne - I'm Not the Type of Woman He Wants to Marry?

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I am 28 and had been dating for 3 years. My relationship was quite steady and I expected my guy to propose when I finished service 2 years ago. My birthday, his birthday and our dating anniversary came and went by and he still didn't proposed, I presumed he was going to propose immediately I got a job, but even this didn't happen, I knew I had to do something. So, after yet another birthday, I sat him down and told him we needed to talk.

I asked him if he had any intention of getting married and when, so I will know how to plan my life and that was when I got the shocker of my life! He began by saying he used to love me but right now, he didn't think I was the type of woman he wanted to marry and after probing and probing, he came up with these excuses.

I kept secrets from him. He said he'd gone through my phone and discovered that I will rather talk to my friends and family instead of talking to him about issues that bother me. An example was the marriage issue which I'd discussed with my best friend over our BB about 5 moths ago and I didn't know he had seen it. He also mentioned an abortion I had for him over a year ago which I didn't think I should mention lest he thinks I was trying to trap him with pregnancy. I was shocked that he knew, yet, he didn't raise the issue until now. I tried to explain my reasons to him, which was that I din't want to sound desperate or come across as wanting to trap him, but he insisted that he had the right to know and would have been happy to take full responsibility of the child. He said he never forgave me for having the abortion without his consent.

The Wife Diaries - Episode One

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"What do you want?" I asked him.

I was kneeling on the edge of the bed, sitting back on my heels, watching him. I cocked my head to the side in a 'I'm listening' pose. He sat back against the headboard, looking at me from under his eye-lids, shirtless in his boxers. I watched his lips as he licked them and watched the muscles in his arms flex as he put his hands behind his head. Still watching me.

"What do you want?" He asked me, jutting his chin in my direction.

I didn't answer.

"Come here"

I crawled in between his legs and sat back on my heels again. He smiled and looked at my body.

"I like what you're wearing" His voice changed, telling me of what was to come if I let it.

"Thanks. It's the one you got for me, remember?"

"I remember," He looked at my breasts spilling over the top of the peach negligee I wore and licked his lips again, this time slower.

Does Hot Water Affect Breasts?

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I confess that I've never heard about hot water being a factor in the sagging of breasts or otherwise. This comment came in under the Women are better off without bras [read post].

Fortunately for me I have small breasts so I go about without but there is a question I would like to ask, how hot must a bathing water be, does hot water have effect on breasts?

When I was younger, the debate on having perky breasts was centered more around how often one wore bras, whether men fondled or suckled the breasts, and how much one wore wrappers tied around the chest. Of course it went without question that once a woman suckled a child or two, most of the perkiness flew out of the window, and some old women were quite proud of their flat and sagging breasts.

So in all of this, where does the effect of hot water come in?