Thursday, March 14, 2013

Why Do We Always Blame "The Other Woman"?

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I just read a post on 1+TheOne titled Leave Her Man Alone, and immediately commented to say, the man is at fault and should have the blame, if not 100% then 99%. Unless one can prove to me that a particular woman went out of her way to seduce a man, or keep him dating her long term, or that she forced him at gunpoint to neglect, abuse, and divorce his wife, then I stand by my opinion that the cheating man is at fault.

Men are not stupid, they know what they want, and in this chauvnistic world, it is disingenuous to argue that mistresses made them do what they did not want to do. Na Jazz? Sugabelly in her comments said some of what I had in mind, but there are other angles I wanted to expantiate on, and that's why I wrote this post.

1+TheOne made it sound like once a man has a female friend, or a mistress, his wife falls apart emotionally and otherwise. She said in her responses to Sugabelly that she'll be personally affronted and aggrieved, and I know a lot of women who will be too, but I don't  think it's fair to pass that on to majority of other women. Some of us either think differently or have learnt to be stronger than that :)

How Important is a Sense of Humor to You?

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One of my readers who regularly responds to my posts via email sent a reply to the post on 15 Things I Love about my Nigerian Husband, noting that I did not mention a sense of humor. And I got to thinking about it. I asked Atala and he mentioned that one acronym he quickly learned when he tried online dating websites for the first time was GSOH - Good Sense of Humor.

That was the first I was hearing about that. BTW, I remember one guy that tried to chat me up on FB last year, he typed, ASL, I was like huh? He typed it again and I asked, what does that mean? I'm sure he thought I was dumb, but once he told me what it stood for and added some other funny stuff, I closed the chat and blocked him.

Back to GSOH, supposedly women are turned on by a great sense of humor in a guy and it is a pre-requisite in profiles for dating online. I have to admit that I like a guy with a sense of humor, but the thing is that humor is so relative, and some things are funnier in certain situations than in others.

Michelle Obama on Vogue + Her Chat with Young Girls on How She Chose Obama and Life as the First Lady

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Michelle Obama appears on the April cover of Vogue magazine and inside, she and President Barack Obama talked about their life as parents, their marriage, and their vision for America’s families. Michelle Obama said, “I think we are accountable to each other for being who we are,” while the President adds, “We’re a team.”

Can you tell that I love this couple? LOL... Their article reminded me of back in 2011 when First lady Michelle Obama spoke with female secondary school students, young girls interested in Science but who were not meeting their potential. These girls, between 13 and 15, were participating in an immersion experience at the University of Oxford. The first lady was kind enough to graciously answer all their questions on a variety of topics.

She confessed that she had not envisaged that Barack Obama would become president when they first met, but that she had seen other special qualities in him. She answered questions on self-esteem, mentoring other young women, and living in the White House as a mother with two young daughters. She even talked about how important reading and writing were. Below are some excerpts from the interview transcript.

Why Did Goodluck Jonathan Pardon Alamieyeisegha?

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Presidential pardons are used all over the world and I totally agree with the morale behind it. If someone is wrongfully convicted, or if they are truly repentant and have done restitution in other ways for their sins, then it is only fair to pardon.

One thing about pardons in the Nigerian political space that makes me uncomfortable though, is that they have the effect of treating a conviction as though it never happened. Pardoned criminals can no longer be referred to as ex-convicts and can run for presidential office.

Some very political Presidential pardons in Nigeria include those President Shehu Shagari granted to General Yakubu Gowon for participating in the coup that killed General Murtala Mohammed and to Col. Chukuwemeka Odumegwu Ojukwu for driving the Nigerian Civil War. Gowon piped down in his politics but Ojukwu ran for president in 2003.

General Abdulsalami Abubakar in his short tenure also granted a pardon to Obasanjo for his convictions for treason and that paved the way for him to contest and become president in 1999.

Wednesday, March 13, 2013

Menu Ideas - Boiled Potatoes and Chili Beans

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One of my favorite foods is yam but it is so hard to get them here, either they're not available at all, or they are too expensive. I do get them once in a while, but for the rest of the time, I make do with potatoes, either sweet potatoes or the local ones we have here.

On this occasion, I had some chili beans left over but it wouldn't do for a meal for both of us, so I quickly boiled up some potatoes, and then mixed them together. Reminded me of our Yam and Beans back in boarding school. Loved it.

What The Bible Really Says about Oral Sex

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Yesterday, it went viral that a Pastor of CLAM church, Wole Oladiyun warned that Oral Sex was not for Christians. Maybe he read my earlier blog post about Nigerian men and oral sex, or maybe his wife did, and asked him for some, hehehe. The man sparked o. In his words, "... men and women sucking their private parts are equally damaging their glories. Demonic partners have done a lot of havoc through this act. Honestly, it is simply unhygienic and dirty."

Now, I don't understand the first part of his comment about oral sex damaging people's glories, or demonic partners, maybe that is what he teaches in his church as doctrine and dogma. If so, I can't really address it, I am not a pastor obviously, nor his church member. But the second part exposes that his bias and personal opinion is what is majorly driving his condemnation of oral sex.

The New Pope Francis - Cardinal Jorge Mario Bergoglio

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The new pope has been selected after two days of the Cardinals deliberating on their election of the successor to Pope Benedict. A black man, a cardinal from Ghana, was in the running to be pope, but he did not make it. The new pope, Jose Mario Bergoglio, is a Jesuit and he is from Argentina, in South America. "The new pope, 76, who will be called Francis ... is also the first non-European leader of the church in more than 1,000 years." NYT

This will be my second time of seeing a pope elected and it remains a historic event for me. Roman Catholics have not had it easy in the past few decades but the denomination remains a pillar in Christendom. While the new Pope, Francis, is non-European like some people wanted, I wonder about his age and how strong he is to carry on the papal work.

I hope this new pope will continue to build on the modernization of the policies of the church to include those who are marginalized including on issues that affect women. Also, he has to be firm in tackling pedophilia in the church in a way thay benefits and affirms the dignity of victims while making the abusive perpetrators face justice.

Dear Aunty Flo - Tales from that time of the Month

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I was catching up on Kiky's blog recently when it all came coming back to me, the embarrassment  the distress, the back-to-front skirts, strategically placed long notes, and sweaters draped around the waist. It was a post on leak proof Dear Kate panties, which are supposed to protect women during that time of the month from over flows and spills caused by Aunty Flo.

Who even labeled it Aunty Flo? BTW, if you're a guy and still wondering what this is about, you may want to stop reading now. If you're a 'lady', you may also want to read something else, like my wedding page :)

When I was growing up, I first knew it by the biological name, menstruation. It started around the first or second year of secondary school. Mine showed face in my third term JS3 and then stayed away for the longest. In JS2, it came back with a bang. I was in class, when I stood up to go get something, someone called my attention to the patch on my skirt. I'd kind of felt the wetness, but it was a hot day, and I thought it was sweat. That was just the beginning of my woes.

I Got the Very Inspiring Blogger Award

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I was nominated by Nana Prah, author and blogger at Loving Romance, Loving Life. Nana is also a member of the Romance Writers of West Africa and the author Love through time, a romance novel to be released later this year by Black Opal Books. I really enjoy Nana's writing and it's always great to be recognized. Thank you, Nana.

So the rule of the award is to state 7 things about me.

1. Since moving to the United States, I have visited 12 states, about 6 of them during our road trip in 2011. America is a very big country, and it has been a great experience seeing what I have of it.

2. I love taking photographs, and writing, but I think you can guess that from this blog.

3. I started wearing my hair unrelaxed a couple of years ago. Though I call it natural most times, I feel funny doing that when I use shampoo and hair creams I know not what goes into them.

The Breakup Song by Evaezi

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This video is for those who have recently broken up with their partners, who are single or just not feeling all the love right now. Evaezi gives a stella performance of her single, The Breakup Song