Thursday, January 23, 2020

How to Spice Up Your Relationship

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No matter where you are in life, sex is probably on your mind. If it’s difficult for you and your partner to have the intimacy you used to have, it’s probably on your mind all the time. You may be quick to say that work is getting in the way of your sex life, or you just aren’t the person you used to be. It’s easy to feel like you’re letting down your partner and not enjoying life the way you used to.

But even if things have waned a bit between you and your partner, there’s no reason why you can’t recover. All the therapy and self-administered guilt sessions in the world may not be as helpful as just a few tips or a few tools that might help you find that fire again and put the spice back in your life.

Take Your Time

Maybe you’re thinking that this sounds easier than it really is. But taking your time is not all about lasting longer in bed. Ask any sex therapist and they’ll tell you that foreplay isn’t just a means to get to orgasm: it’s part of the fun.

Intimacy in a relationship is built up over time, right? Think of every time you and your partner go to bed as a mini relationship, one that requires you to build trust, become comfortable with one another, explore each other’s desires, and finally figure out what pleases each other. Rushing through things is one of the best ways to make a relationship feel like the power dynamic is lopsided: one person is bound to be satisfied while the other is out in the cold.

Taking the time to appreciate each other means mutual pleasure. It means appreciating each other’s unique differences, fulfilling each other’s individual desires, and learning more about the person you’re with. And that’s better for both of you.


Whoever said sex had to be serious? The ability to have fun with your partner is essential to keeping your relationship intimate. It means you’re comfortable with each other.

And if you are, a little experimentation is the perfect way to spice things up. Most people are familiar with sex toys for women, but men’s sex toys are becoming an increasingly popular way to add variety to your sex life. Some of them, like the fleshlights and cock rings, can give your man a longer, more satisfying experience.

Playtime is a lot easier when you have the right tools, but it’s not all about penises. The right lubricant that feels good for both of you, the right flavor of condom, or a new sleeve or massager, are all things that some couples never think about but which can work wonders on giving you the right little details to make sex more relaxing and pleasurable. For couples feeling more adventurous, devices like the prostate massager put the man in a more vulnerable position where his pleasure takes center stage and his partner is in charge of it.

This kind of change in the power and vulnerability of the dynamic of your relationship can be very beneficial to couples seeking to become more intimate. It allows you to get closer to each other by assuming roles you may not be used to and to enjoy each other in entirely new ways.

 Take the Pressure Off

These new roles will do wonders taking off the pressure to perform. Any therapist or medical authority will tell you that performance anxiety is a huge cause of unsatisfactory relationships in the bedroom. Taking the time to put his needs first can reduce that anxiety, helping to equalize your roles and not rely so much on the pressure to perform, or “get the orgasm.”

As a result, you’ll both get more pleasure than ever before. Relaxed people have more time and energy to care about each other. Taking the time to give each other pleasure, no matter who is giving it to whom, is a great way to figure out what makes each of you happy, and not rely so much on one person’s longevity or tolerance as the end-all of the sexual experience.

The bottom line is that spicing up a relationship starts with each other. You have to spend time thinking about what makes your partner happy, playing with them, or taking a load off on their anxiety before you can expect things to improve. It’s not magic: it’s emotion. And the best emotions happen when you’re happy to be together, trying new things, and willing to experiment.


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