Saturday, July 21, 2018

6 Ways to Stay Sane in a Long Distance Relationship

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Long distance relationships present a unique set of challenges that both partners have to grapple with. It is no surprise that there is always a niggling feeling within you that your relationship will not go the full distance once you both end up living in different cities, states or even countries.

It may not be the most convenient, but an LDR (long distance relationship) can definitely work if you mindfully try to avoid the usual mistakes. Loneliness, jealousy, insecurity and misunderstandings come together to create the perfect brew for the relationship to end. If you are aware of the usual suspects about to wreak havoc on your relationship, you will be able to steer clear of them.
Here are a few tips for you.

Avoid Jealousy

Maybe your boyfriend got admission in his dream university and is elated to explore his new life. You might be working a draining nine-to-five when at the same time your lover still gets to enjoy the student life. Disparities in routines and the seemingly dull and monotonous life you lead may give birth to jealousy.
Being envious of your partner will only lead to resentment and self-pity. This can make conversations with your boyfriend unpleasant and eventually push him away. So try to develop a positive state of mind and prevent negativity from building up within you.

Give and Take Space

Any relationship can suffer when it becomes obligatory. Do not make it mandatory that you both must be in constant touch – texting, connecting on social or making long-distance calls. Connect and catch up with each other only when you want to. Call your boyfriend when you have something to say and when you are really excited about hearing his voice.
Do not set a rigorous communication schedule, which is supposedly expected to make up for the lack of physical proximity. Once everything becomes about what you are ‘supposed’ to do as opposed to what you want to do, communication turns out to be another chore and your relationship will start to fizzle out.

Have Fun

Once the fun and laughter go out of your life, you will end up with more time on your hands than advisable. You will either spend your evenings wondering what your boyfriend is up to or speculating on what all could go wrong in your LDR.  So ditch the self-pity trap and do enjoy your life. Make new friends, find new hobbies and do exciting new things. You will realize that you have a ton of amazing things to share with your boyfriend over the next phone call.

Grow Up

Handling the problems that come with a long distance relationship is much easier when you are emotionally mature. Many young couples do not see through an LDR because they do not have the experience or the maturity to deal with the complex and layered tensions that creep in.
If you are just out of school or are pursuing college, you need to go easy on your relationship and take each day at a time. If not being physically around each other and the inability to have a social life together is really bothering you, then maybe you both need to talk about it and decide whether you want to continue with the LDR.
Also, when you are young, you tend to over-emphasize and over-analyze the hurts, overlooking the bigger picture. With maturity you will develop a holistic understanding about your relationship and will be able to handle setbacks better. So if you are young, think twice before you commit to an LDR.

Learn to Accept Changes and Evolve

With distance, a whole new set of changes have crept into your relationship. The dynamics of the entire relationship have changed and you will have to adapt to them. So how do you do it? How can you rebuild and reshape your social life with your significant other not present anymore? You also need to find time to stay in touch with your lover and endeavor to keep the spark alive. You will have to fit the occasional trip to your boyfriend’s city into your schedule and allocate money towards it.
In addition to all this is the emotional vacuum created by the long-term absence of your lover. You can take up a new hobby or learn a foreign language. Do not let the weight of an LDR bog you down in any way. It may take some time and conscious effort from your side, but you will soon adjust to your new normal.

Decide How You Want to Take Things Ahead

Inability to see gradual growth and progress can take a heavy toll on a relationship. With growing intimacy, couples usually progress to moving in together or choose to spend as much time as possible with each other. Keeping a change of clothes at your boyfriend’s place shows the incremental intimacy that’s happening between you two. But in an LDR, you can’t see any concrete progress with no timeframe in mind as to when you can take your relationship to the next level.
In an LDR you end up feeling your relationship is in a limbo, with no end in sight. Ensure you and your partner are on the same page regarding how you see yourselves a few years down the lane. This may involve one of you sacrificing the life that is familiar and loved, and moving to a new city to join your partner. Decide whether you are up for it and if you find the relationship worth the emotional investment.

Long distance relationships are not easy. But if you find a magic formula to make it work, then you can be sure that you both are truly made for each other. LDRs often prove to be a reality check for young couples, giving them the space and time to step back and evaluate their relationship. Keep the above points in mind and approach this new phase in your relationship with a positive attitude.


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