Thursday, November 2, 2017

Getting Back Together with an Ex

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We’ve all heard the stories about past lovers finding each other again, rekindling the romance, and living happily ever after. Believe it or not, it can happen. Unfortunately, that’s not the norm.

Getting over a failed relationship can be hard. It can be even more challenging if you were certain you had met the person you were meant to spend the rest of your life with. So if you meet again, should you try to fix things? Can you become one of those stories you’ve read about? Before you jump in head-first, here are a few things you should consider when thinking about getting back with an ex.

Can you Identify the Problems that Led to Your Break-Up?

Before taking any steps toward getting back with your ex, you need to take a step backward and identify why you broke up. Were you at different places in your life? Were there external stressors making your relationship challenging? Or were you just too different to make things work?

If you don’t stop and identify the reason why you broke up in the first place, you are at risk of falling into the same unhealthy habits. Furthermore, pausing to evaluate the cause of your breakup might bring up some of the less than appealing memories that you were more than happy to leave behind. When you consider getting back with an ex, chances are your focus is on the happy memories. Kevin Thompson from Ex Back Permanently says that if you stop and remember all the bad things that led to a breakup, you might come to a conclusion that there’s no point in moving forward with your plans to rekindle.

Has Anything Changed?

There’s an old saying that states “Nothing changes if nothing changes.” If you’ve identified the cause of your breakup as something influenced by external forces, has that changed? For example, consider a couple who breaks up because one partner wants children and the other does not. Five years later they meet again, and both want children. That key cause of their demise has been rectified.

Another example is a couple who were forced to live away from one another and couldn’t handle a long distance relationship. Upon moving to the same area, they may decide to give things another shot. On the other hand, if the partner still doesn’t want children or the couple will be forced to move again, why bother?

Can you Let Go of the Past?

Letting go of the past is something we all struggle with. In relationships, even couples who have never broken up often struggle to let go of past arguments and indiscretions. Long story short, if your first argument after getting back together is going to become a blow-up fight over something from six years ago, is there a point in diving back in? You may find yourself in a toxic situation and back to ex status in record time.

Is your hurt over the past reason enough not to give it a shot? Not necessarily. It just means you’ll have to do some work upfront to start your new relationship off on the right foot. Try to have civil conversations between the two of you, and bring in a counselor if needed.

Can you Accept What Happened When you Were Apart?

Any Friends fans know the infamous line “We were on a break!” Depending on the length of time you were apart, occurrences during that span can be a bit of a moral grey area when it comes to relationships. Before you get back with your ex, you need to think long and hard about how you feel about your time apart, so you don’t end up in a perpetual Ross/Rachel argument.

Many choose to keep their heads in the proverbial sand when it comes to the events taking place after a breakup. However, the truth has a way of coming out. You may never find out what happened during your time apart, and depending on your actions, that might be how you want to keep things. Unfortunately, a knowing friend or poorly timed argument may bring the truth to the surface. Are you ready to hear it if the time comes?

You shouldn’t let anyone tell you not to follow your heart. However, before you go about trying to get your ex back, stop and think it out. Following your heart is great in theory, but your brain deserves a say too. Make sure getting back together is the best choice for both of you and aim to lead a life of happiness.

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