Wednesday, August 2, 2017

Friendship Day Special: Building Friendship in Marriage through Communication

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Have you ever been in a marital argument where one party uses the cringe-worthy silent treatment? It isn’t a good scene. Yes, ask any couple and they’ll tell you that communication is integral to a smoothly-flowing marriage. This is especially true when you are trying to build a friendship with your marriage mate. Here are some of the best building-blocks to developing a deep and lasting marriage with your husband or wife.
Learn to Listen
Build your friendship by learning to listen. Being in a relationship with someone who doesn't listen is fruitless and frustrating. You wouldn’t be friends with someone like that, so why would you want to be in a marriage with someone who doesn't hear your thoughts and opinions? People feel loved and appreciated when they feel they are being heard, which makes communicating an integral piece of a healthy, long-lasting relationship. Learning to listen is key. You can do this by:
  • Actively listening to what your partner is saying, not just waiting for your opportunity to speak.
  • Nodding your head and giving relevant interjections that show your partner you've heard them
  • Asking follow-up questions to let your partner know that you care and are interested in hearing more.

Learning to listen will make your partner feel appreciated and will strengthen your bond of friendship.
Learn when to stay quiet
Building friendship in marriage through communication also means knowing when to listen, when to speak, and when to keep your lips zipped! Practicing self-control may be especially challenging when a matter feels pressing. But there is a time and place for every conversation.
Imagine that your husband comes home and you have a gripe you're dying to complain about. Is this really the best time to bring it up? He's been working hard all day and has just stepped in through the door. He's ready to relax and enjoy some time with you. How would you feel if after a hard day's work you came home only to be met with an angry husband? This will irritate him and make him less open to communicating.
Your matter may need attention, but there must be a better time to bring that up. Learn to see when there is a good time for communication and when to let things go.
Mean what you say
Part of building friendship in marriage through communication means learning how to get your point across effectively. One way you can do this is by being honest. Mean what you say. Never break a promise to your marriage mate unless you're ready for the emotional distress that will follow. Similarly, you need to mean what you say in terms of forgiveness as well. If you told your wife that you forgive her for something she's done to hurt you, you can't follow up by giving her the silent treatment or treating her coldly afterwards.

Make your partner feel safe
Communicating well means giving your partner a space that they feel safe to talk in. Your marriage mate should feel like they can tell you anything without being judged, ridiculed, or brushed off. You can do this by showing them you listen when they speak, by not overreacting, by showing support and comfort when they need it, and by offering advice when asked. This safety in communication should be felt by both parties in order to do it effectively.
Be Open even with Uncomfortable Subjects
In order to build a friendship or a romantic partnership for that matters, you both need to be on the same page. This means being open and honest about those uncomfortable subjects like finances, debt, sex, and jealousy. How will you know where you stand on saving for a house or buying a puppy, if you are in the dark about your financial situation? These subjects may be awkward at first, but getting them out in the open soon after marriage will make for smoother communication in the future.
Awkward as it may be, it is always important for you to be open and honest with your partner. Not doing so could result in lingering resentment in your marriage.
Note that there is a vast difference between being honest and being mean. If you are unsure how to approach a sensitive topic without hurting your partner's feelings, start your sentence with a compliment. Try saying something like: "I want to talk with you about something. I really love and appreciate when you do (THIS), but I when you do (THIS) it hurts my feelings."
Know your Methods of Communication
You know your partner better than anyone, which means you know the method of communication that will work best for them. For example, praising your partner for a job well done or showing appreciation for a sweet gesture they did are fine and dandy to talk about over the phone. But, would you have a serious conversation about the welfare of your relationship through text? Absolutely not. Use discernment for which method of communication to use in any given circumstance.
Never go to bed Angry
Many couples will tell you that the worst thing you can do in a marriage is go to bed angry. Not only does this hurt your feelings and set you up for a pretty terrible night's sleep, it also creates an unpleasant tone that carries on into the next day. One scientific study revealed that going to bed in a state of distress can actually have a negative impact on your ability to retain memories. Part of building your communication means a constant willingness to solve a problem if you have deemed it worthy of bringing it up in the first place. So follow that age old adage to kiss and make up before hitting the hay.
Building friendship requires a great level of trust and honesty. It isn't always easy to communicate about something that's bothering you, especially if it has to do with your mate. Keeping your lines of communication open will help your relationship grow deeper and stronger.

Author Bio:-Sylvia Smith is a relationship expert with years of experience in training and helping couples. She has helped countless individuals and organizations around the world, offering effective and efficient solutions for healthy and successful relationships. Her mission is to provide inspiration, support and empowerment to everyone on their journey to a great marriage. She is a featured writer for, a reliable resource to support healthy happy marriages.

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