Thursday, October 30, 2014

The Thin Line Between Insanity And The Desperation To Get Married

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By Onyinye Orabuike

I remember one time we were talking about Nonye's boyfriend whom she said is a good guy but that she couldn’t marry him because he smoked and he is catholic. Tina told Nonye to give her the guy if she was not in a hurry to get married. We all laughed, she was only joking.

I then told Tina that I knew a nice fellow named Udo and he was single. The jokes continued but soon got serious, there and then Nonye ping'd him. He said he was interested and requested for pictures. We scurried about trying to get a perfect shot. He liked the pictures and said he would like to meet. Whoop!

Immediately, we started making wedding plans and soon the arguments was on who would be the chief brides maid. LOL...

Tina brought us back to our senses, as she warned about stupid mistakes some ladies make when in a hurry to hook-up. She recounted her experience with a guy she met at First Bank one Monday. He called her every other minute for the next one week. God had finally answered her prayers, a handsome banker husband just like that! She was already making wedding plans, but everything ended on Saturday night.

It was sheer miracle that she wasn’t raped; her clothes were nearly torn to shreds. She couldn’t even scream for help, she wasn’t a baby after all. What would she tell the neighbours she had in mind passing the night in the house of a man she had known for barely a week.  But who would blame her, she needed to get married, or how do others get married after all?

It was not a laughing matter any more. She told us a chilling tale of how she went all the way to Port-Harcourt to meet a total stranger that claimed they met in a church programme somewhere.

It wasn’t really about these men but the fact that she fell for the lies that should have been apparent to any sane person, and the stupid risks she took. Truth is there is only a thin line between desperation and insanity.

We all had a story to tell. Justina’s story reminded me of a particular experience I had while serving in Oshogbo. I met this guy at a youth camp in Lagos and we became fast friends. Few weeks after he called and announced he was in town and would like to visit me.  I received him well and even made nice soup which he enjoyed thoroughly.

I had asked him casually which area he was going to stay for the time he will be in Oshogbo and had laughed it off as a joke when he said he would stay the night in my house. It was getting dark so I asked him again where he was headed and he said he will sleep over. He said it playfully but I protested this time and explained it was impossible. I don’t usually allow men to visit me. He was an exception because we met in church.

Six o’clock and he hadn’t made any move to leave.

“Maybe you should get going. It is getting dark” I said as politely as I could.

He said I should not worry, that he would stay the night. It was beginning to sound as if he was serious and I was becoming uncomfortable.

I reminded him I was trying to be polite here but he has to make it easy for me and leave. I was on my feet now and I made sure he got the point.

“You know...” he began, “this is what I always try to explain to ladies, you never could tell.... you see, this is one of the ways women miss their luck.....”

Great! It couldn’t have been more painful if I was slapped.

To think I took the pains to even give him my food. I threw open the door and screamed at him to leave. I had never experienced such heated combination of fear, anger and humiliation!

I could laugh over it now, but it wasn’t funny then. You might want to know if it worked out between Tina and Udo, that I promise, is a story for another day.


  1. It is sad, what desperation can lead to. I always tell ladies to wait on God and the man will find them. I know it isn't easy, but hearing some of the horrific stories of those who married out of desperation might be an encouragement to wait...

  2. "This is how ladies miss their luck". #Epic.


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