Friday, October 24, 2014

Pregnancy Passes, Different Sex Drives - Can You Ever Justify Cheating?

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The comment below came in on the post asking if you would give your husband a pregnancy pass? It was a very indepth, thought provoking comment that I decided to bring up here so more people could read and discuss. When can a man or a woman allow their spouse to cheat? Read what Anon had to say...

I'm in the minority. If asked this question I'd take the time to consider it and have an open dialogue about the request.

My fiance is an amazing man who is there for me during not only the good times but the bad as well. Assuming our relationship was going well when I was pregnant, and that my sex drive for whatever reason was not there (or very minimal), I would of course take his needs into consideration.

I have been in many relationships where my sex drive was higher than my partners , and it was very difficult for me, I often felt rejected and undesired when my passes were continually turned down. I love my fiance and have no intention of making him feel that way.

There will be times in our lives when our drives are not as compatible and that for them to be so differing that he would work up the nerve to ask me a question would be hard for him, as he is acutely aware of my needs and goes above and beyond to protect my feelings. To be immediately dismissive and rude if he were to bring this up would be thoughtless on my part.

Obviously we would have to talk about this, and decide if it was the right choice for us, but who am I to not be open to have a dialogue? I expect my partner in life to be kind in regards to my concerns and feelings; it is only fair in return to be thoughtful and understanding to his.

If this was something that we decided to go through with, I would want to be involved in the logistics to ensure I didn't feel threatened by the woman we chose and that everyone was taking precautions to avoid any STDs or unplanned pregnancy. I want my man to come to me with things, and to not go behind my back, if I am rude and mean to him for asking a question, chances are the next time he won't ask.

I think being able to have tough conversations and be there for each other , with the good and bad is essential to any successful relationship. That's not to say a women has to be ok with this, but I can't picture myself being so closed minded that I avoided having a healthy discussion about it. The moment we stop listening to the other one's feelings we are in my opinion dooming our relationship to failure.

I assume most women (from my experience), even if they had this discussion would choose to not go through with allowing a pass, but this wouldn't be the first time I was different from the mold I so often encounter. Sex is very important to me, and I think it is essential that a couple is sexually compatible, as being so will help avoid many arguments and potential differences in the future of the relationship, thus giving them a higher chance of success. I feel lucky to have finally found a partner who can "keep-up" with (and even trump!) my sexual drive.

I in finding someone whose drive exceeds mine, need to be thoughtful of the times he has desires and I do not. It is fine for a couple to place less importance on sex, I just believe that is should be BOTH parties who place a lower importance on it, and not just one, otherwise someone(s) will ultimately be suffering.

I think the likelier instance than a "pregnancy pass" in my case would be a pass if at some point later in life our drives were mismatched for a more extended period, as when it comes down to it, 9 months of incompatibility in a whole lifetime together, really isn't that long.

If I lose my sex drive after menopause I hope that my fiance (then husband) and I will be able to figure out a way for his needs to be met. After all, is it really fair to expect him to meet my emotional and other needs and to not meet, or try to meet, his needs?

That's just my two cents, and what I'm guessing is going to be a rather unpopular opinion. Please take my opinions with a grain of salt, as they are just that, MY opinions. I am not asking anyone to give there husband a pass, I am simply trying to present the other side of the situation.

For those wondering, "a pregnancy pass is when a woman who is expecting allows her husband — and father of the child she’s carrying — sleep with other women because she’s not up to having sex."

Pregnancy is only one of those times a couple may have differing sex drives. For some the difference is more pervasive, they're not just sexually compatible, as one wants more sex than the other all the time. So what do you do at such times?

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