Thursday, October 23, 2014

Communication - The Key To a Successful Relationship

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By Eniola Ake

Arguments, challenges and rough times could hit your relationship even without you preparing for it or having the mind to start it. This only opens our mind to the fact that there is no perfect relationship only successful relationships but what really makes a relationship successful?

Relationship success lies in the hands of the parties involved but there are certain steps to take and guidelines to consider. In successful relationships, partners learn the habit of communication.

Communication is a habit that can be learned, we all communicate either verbally or nonverbally.

Communication involves listening with your senses and paying attention to what your partner says and paying closer attention to what your partner isn’t saying. That way, you are listening for their feelings towards the issue on ground as well as their words.

While communicating, make sure NOT to put at the back of your mind that you are not to blame for the issue on ground but rather listen and be ready to share the blame. When you share in the blame, then the issue is half resolved because you make your partner know that they are not in this alone and what so ever the issue may be you take responsibility for it as well.

Another thing to consider while communicating is giving your partner the opportunity to talk without you interrupting them. When your partner lets out their concerns it gives them room to ventilate their mind and help you know where you should come in when it’s time for you to make comments or reply them. But when you interrupt your partner it becomes difficult to understand them and even pay attention to the message they are trying to pass across to you.

Communication bridges the gap between hatred and love. When an issue comes up, you are either angry at your partner or you just decide not to talk to them but when angry it is better not to talk at all and give yourself the chance to cool off because when you’re angry and talking at the same time, you say things that you shouldn’t say which could lead to the beginning of the end of your relationship.

You want to keep your relationship because you love your partner. Although, it is okay to dislike what your partner has done badly to you but how to communicate your feeling is also essential as it is the only way to show that you really cherish the relationship.

How then can you communicate your feelings?

Create a conducive environment to talk; whether you ask your partner on a date (women love dates) or you decide to go on a walk with your partner, it all depends on you because you are the only one who truly understands your partner. Preparing a peaceful environment to talk is always very important when you are trying to resolve an issue, you don’t want to resolve an issue when you or your partner are angry or when your partner is having a glass of wine or when your partner is tired from work or just having a bad day. Sometimes taking it outside the house is the secret to having a peaceful conversation.

Give your partner time to speak; speaking without being interrupted makes you feel like you are being heard and respected, so when next you’re trying to resolve that issue let your partner spit it all out, without you interrupting them and making them feel less important. Their views is as important as yours.

Stick to the plan; the main aim of communication is to resolve an issue in a peaceful way so both parties are happy, this should be at the back of your mind when communicating, don’t go back and forth on what has been said before and don’t go back into the past by mentioning what your party did or said that made you unhappy but rather focus on saying what could be done next time so such an issue won’t come up again. Address the issue maturely having in mind the main goal which is to make yourself and your partner happy.

No third party; most arguments or issues in your relationship doesn’t require the help of a third party. The only time you need a third party is when it is getting out of hand and you seem to be getting nowhere, that’s the only time you should seek the help of a relationship counselor or expert who would help you through the whole process. Avoid involving friends or family in your relationship affair because they are not in it with you and most times, they are not going to help you.

Communication may seem difficult especially when it’s leading no where or when you keep going back and forth. When the right steps aren’t taken, it looks like you’ve taken ten steps backward when you should have taken just a single step forward which could have led to addressing the issue successfully.

Remember that you once loved your partner for a reason, always stick to that reason and don’t allow unnecessary arguments to affect your relationship.

You can speak to me on this issue and let me help you out.

Peace and Love,
Eniola Ake

Eniola Ake is a psychologist who is a writer of articles on relationship and emotional health care. She also does e-counseling and has a blog (

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