Wednesday, June 4, 2014

Marriage Avowals - MC Abbey and Wife Jumoke Constantly in Tune With Each Other

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MC Abbey, a comedian, is married to Jumoke, a chartered accountant. The couple got married on Dec 8, 2007 in Lagos and are blessed with two kids Erinayo daughter and son Onaopemipo. In the interview below, they talk about their union to Punch.

How and when did you meet?

Mc Abbey: I was anchoring a beauty pageant and she was one of the contestants. I went back stage and introduced myself, but she said she was very busy and could not attend to me. I left but some weeks later, I met her in my church. She was leaving after the first service while I was going in for the second service. I called her and she recognised me but she wanted to dodge so I told her to give me her number. She gave me the number and I dialled it. I ensured that the phone rang while she was there, so that she would not deceive me.

Jumoke: The first time he approached me, I sincerely thought, “Who’s this dark-skinned, short man that thinks he can just walk up to me and start running his mouth?” It turned out that he had met me before at a beauty pageant, which he compered with Ali Baba. I was a contestant, and he just wanted to re-establish contact. When he asked for my number, I almost gave him the wrong one, but something told me that this guy is smart and would most likely dial the number. I gave him the right number and he dialled it immediately. We were friends for a year before he asked me out.

At what point did you realise the relationship was moving towards marriage?

MC Abbey: I did not make my intention of marriage known to her until we were friends for one year because I needed to know her very well.  When I told her, she thought I was joking and she set up a meeting between me and her pastor. She wanted to be convinced that I was serious.

Jumoke:  I didn’t take him seriously at first. I told him he had to be younger than his looks. He convinced me about his age by showing me his driving licence. I told him to try the next girl if he was not in for a serious relationship because I was not looking for a boyfriend.  He told me he was serious.  I started taking him seriously when I got a confirmation from God that he was the man for me.  Before I met him, I dreamt of getting married to a tall, fair-skinned man. Thank God I didn’t walk by sight. If I had, I’m sure my life would have turned out a lot differently.

What was the main attraction?

Jumoke: Like I said, I did not set out to be wooed by him. I just liked (and still do) the fact that he always made me laugh uncontrollably whenever he called. I didn’t even know he was a comedian at first. Also, he is a man of integrity, and the goodness of his heart always shines through.

MC Abbey:  Her beauty was the first thing I noticed the first day I met her. I observed that she was not just beautiful, she was a combination of beauty and brains.

How do you hang out as a couple?

MC Abbey: We love watching movies together; we also have a couple’s time out where we review the status of our relationship every quarter. We discuss our areas of conflict or misunderstanding and I ask her to mention things I do that are not pleasing to her. She is free to tell me how to improve on certain aspects of my character.   We pray together at the end of the review.

Jumoke:  We also enjoy each other’s company a lot. We go out most times to watch one of his shows.  We dine out and go to the movies. Sometimes, we leave the kids at home and spend a night or two out in a hotel somewhere, just to make sure that we are constantly in tune with each other.

What changes has this relationship brought to your lives?

Jumoke: Being married to MC Abbey has brought me a lot more exposure. I’m a private person; I would rather be by myself and not seek out company, but that is no longer possible. Also, I can be so goal-oriented that I tread on people without considering their feelings, as long as I get my results. He has taught me to relax and smell the roses; that the process is as important as the result.

MC Abbey: She has changed me a lot. I am more prim and proper now. I was just a rugged and rough man but she has beaten me to shape. She tells me, ‘Before I married you, you were not looking this handsome.’ I do a lot of facials because of my wife; she takes me to the spa and does my manicure at home. She is my make-up artist.

How do you settle quarrels?

Jumoke: My husband always insists on thrashing out issues as they occur. No matter how long we need to talk to get to the point where we understand one another and agree on divergent issues, he will make sure we stay on the topic. Also, have a ‘quarterly review,’ like a date night, where we would examine what each party is doing that the other does not like, and make resolutions to change. The change will then be assessed at the next review.

MC Abbey: We work with the philosophy that people should not let their anger go down with the sun.  I don’t like sweeping things under the carpet, sometimes she might want to say we should just forget about it but I would insist on discussing the issue.  I have learnt to always say, ‘please, I am sorry, forgive me.’ I don’t need to be wrong or right.

What are the things you dislike about each other?

MC Abbey: There are some things she does that make me angry but I still love her for them. For instance, she is always too particular about how she looks. Sometimes she would say she is adding too much weight and she would run to the gym and I always warn her, ‘If you want to lose weight, make sure you don’t lose weight around your backside.’

Jumoke: Sometimes, my husband just can’t be bothered to do certain things, even when it is something that appears to be important to me, such as taking proper care of documents, and not just putting them anywhere.

What do you do to keep the marriage strong?

Jumoke:  We pray together and for each other. We make time for one another, no matter how tight the schedule, no matter how short the time. He loves having my attention, and I try to make sure that ‘his’ time is not overridden by chores or caring for the kids. For both of us, the other person’s satisfaction is more important.

MC Abbey: I have learnt to listen more to what she is saying, sometimes she can say a whole lot of things without saying a word and that is very deep.  I have grown to understand her silent language and speechless communications. I have also grown to understand the fact that I can’t be better if she is not better.

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