Sunday, May 25, 2014

How To Know When You Find The One

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A few unsuccessful relationships into your dating life and you begin to wish there was some kind of physical sign to show you when you’ve met the right person. Whether that’s an actual sign that flashes over their head, or some sort of badge the person in question has to wear, we’re not sure. But if only, right?

We’ve done some research, and no one’s invented this yet. But, we know there are some sure fire – but subtler – ways to know whether your partner is for keeps. It’s far too easy to persuade yourself that Mr/Ms Right Now is Mr /Ms Right because they’re in the right place at the right time, and they seem ok. But in reality, you’re dooming yourself to failure with that approach. Your relationship with The One should feel completely right – after all, you’re probably looking to spend the rest of your life with them.

This isn’t a shopping list of the type we joke about with friends; ‘she should have long legs’ or ‘he should have dark brown eyes’. It’s about the things that really matter for a long-lasting, happy relationship:.

1. You trust each other
Trust is an essential pillar in any relationship. You have to trust each other to make the right decisions about your relationship. If there’s no trust, everything else is irrelevant. Ask yourself if you trust your partner will always do the right thing by you. If the answer’s yes, then you’re ahead of the curve.

2. Your relationship makes you both better people
A relationship is a partnership, full of shared experience and built on a foundation of mutual support. Your relationship should make you want to be – and actually be – a better person. At the same time you should also be able to confidently say you encourage your partner to be a better person too. Whether this is in their career choices, leading a healthy lifestyle, taking up new hobbies or calling relatives more often, it doesn’t matter. What matters is that you make a visible, positive impact upon each other.

3. Your share the same ideas about how to live your lives
People love to say ‘opposites attract’ and in the early days of a relationship this is very true. After all, who doesn’t love the excitement of the unknown? But, when you’re thinking long term, you want to be thinking about someone who has the same life view as you. This can be anything – from a desire to settle in the country with a nice house and 3 kids, or a dream of giving it all up to move to Australia and live on a ranch – it doesn’t matter, as long as your ideas converge. The same goes for your spiritual beliefs, sense of humour and even your intellect. Compatibility on these levels will ensure a long future together.

4. You laugh together
Forget all that stuff about amazing sexual chemistry (though that’s great), or whether you both like cheese. Your ability to have fun together and laugh at the same things is incredibly important. For one thing, if you can have fun together just ‘being’ (i.e. without spending money, or going somewhere special) it’ll stand you in great stead in the tough times. For another thing, there’s nothing like laughter to bring a couple together. It can break the frostiest of moods, and best of all it’s free!

5. You communicate
Communication is right up there with trust in a relationship. Do you feel you can talk to your partner when something is bothering you? Do you feel like you can share your deepest secrets with your partner? If this person is going to be The One, then you’re going to need to answer yes to both those questions. Similarly, do you have the capacity to speak in a caring, non-judgemental way, even when your partner has done something to really rile you? By doing so, you show your deep compassion for your partner that can’t be suppressed by the irritations of everyday life.

Via eHarmony


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