Wednesday, May 28, 2014

Book Excerpt - The Break Up Recipe by Munir Bello

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Amy Jacobs is the office hottie. A cute little blonde twenty something who is very friendly and quite frankly incredibly bangable. When we started working together the guys at the office took bets to see who could get her into bed. I’d like to state to the jury that I abstained from this exercise as I didn’t quite agree with objectifying a work colleague. Try as he might, Tate did any and everything he could to win this challenge. He would run out and get her lunch or offer to go for drinks with her after work. Nothing ever came of it. What made it even sweeter was that I was always within hearing distance when he got rejected. It meant he could never make up a story about giving her the brush off.

I noticed that Amy had a thing for me. Whenever I came into work there would always be a big compliment or a hot chocolate (most of the time both) waiting for me. Now I’m not going to lie and say that I wasn’t flattered by it all but I thought that it was a bad idea to get involved with work colleagues as it all tends to end badly. There is also the small inconvenience of ending up as office gossip. I didn’t want any of my oddities exposed. The more I spoke to her the more we both found we had in common. She liked the same movies and found my jokes hilarious, which was a big turn on for my ego.

It got to a point in the office where every time I was talking to Amy everybody was craning their necks to hear what we were saying to each other. We took our lunch breaks together and got to know each other very well. We started meeting up after work for drinks or dinner but at no point did it ever get physical. Thank the Lord my cock was behaving itself! We had nicknames for each other. She called me lamb chop because of my unfortunate surname and I called her rubber ducky because of her youth. This naturally caused our colleagues to assume that something was going on.

One night when we went out we got quite drunk and started speaking very openly to each other. It turned out that she had been single ever since she broke up with her ex boyfriend a year before. The reason behind this was because he cheated on her. The manner in which she caught him at it left a scar and she wasn’t very trusting of men. It turns out that she was meant to be visiting her aunty but when she got to the train station due to bad weather the train was cancelled. She went to get a coffee and wait until the snow settled and after an hour she decided to go home.

On her walk home she noticed that she hadn’t heard from her boyfriend to make sure that she was ok and there was no text message. She decided to surprise him by going to their local Chinese take out to order in their favourite food. She then left the restaurant and crossed the road to get home into what she hoped would be warmth and her boyfriends arms. When she opened the door she noticed that there was a pair of high heels that didn’t belong to her. On the dining table there were two glasses of wine and an empty bottle. One of the glasses had a lipstick mark. She then saw a trail leading to their bedroom of discarded clothing. When she opened the door what did she see? It was her beloved, darling boyfriend handcuffed to the bedpost being straddled by a woman but not just any woman it was her cousin. Ouch!

After her cousin got dressed and had a bit of a shouting match with Amy the cousin made a swift and very graceless exit. Amy then confronted her boyfriend who at this point might I add was still erect. He had nothing to say for himself. Seeing as she was stood at the foot of the bed he kept having to move his head round so that his erection wasn’t in the way in order to make proper eye contact. She immediately packed her bags and called a friend who happened to live very close by. The friend took Amy in and after several trips to and from the flat she moved out.

All this time the boyfriend was still handcuffed to the bed and very much erect. His begging and pleading fell on deaf ears. Amy shut the door to the flat and never saw him again. She at least knows that he somehow made it out of the bed because he repeatedly called and sent messages to her although she cannot be sure that it wasn’t his penis that tapped the keys. He was history.

I guess after hearing that story I was even more determined to not sleep with this girl and break her heart. I figured that she’d already had a rough ride with the male species and I certainly wasn’t going to be the one to send her to the shrinks chair. The subject of her affection for me remained the elephant in the room but never once came up in conversation. I could always feel her eyes burning into me pleading with me to offer my lips for a kiss but again I resisted, we however one day had a very close call on one of our nights out.

We had become so comfortable when speaking to each other that we would talk about any subject from sex to politics. This particular night we went out and got very drunk and because neither of us were working the next day we weren’t in much of a rush to get home. I had a book with me which Amy agreed to put into her bag and on this particular night the sexual tension between us was very evident. She asked what my favourite position was (woman on top) and asked how I liked it done. I tried explaining but couldn’t quite articulate. She then straddled me on my chair and asked me to show her. My dick would have smashed a concrete block at this point and she could feel the effect of what she had done. Just as quickly as she had straddled me she had gotten of to sit down at her chair with a knowing smile. Once again we both acted like this was perfectly normal

The night came to an end and as is always the way I took her to her bus stop and waited with her to get her bus. We said goodnight to each other and as I got on my bus I suddenly realised that I didn’t have my book. I sent her a text to tell her this and her response was a text with her address asking me to come over to pick it up as she was already home. I kept thinking to myself that I could stay on the bus and pick it up in the daytime but I was on a really good chapter that I was keen to finish so I got off and got in a cab to her place.

On my way to her place I called John and told him the predicament. “Whatever you do bro do not fuck her” was all he kept saying to me repeatedly. I told him I wouldn’t but he wasn’t buying it. He knew that we’d had a fair bit to drink and that we had a flirtatious relationship with each other. Even the fucking cab driver, who had overheard my conversation on the phone told me not to mix business with pleasure. Apparently I was the only person who thought that I was simply going to go there, pick up my book and head off. The cab finally pulled up to her place and he asked me if he should wait for me. I told him that wouldn’t be necessary. I paid the man and he drove off with a knowing smile. I was determined to prove both him and John wrong.

I knock on the door and Amy opens it wearing the shortest hot pants and the tightest vest top showing off every inch of her beautiful body. She hasn’t come down with my book and has invited me upstairs. My brain is telling me to chill out. “Maybe she just wants to chat for a bit, I can do that”. When we get upstairs she asks me if I’m hungry and before I respond serves us both a plate of freshly made pasta and then pours us both a glass of wine. After we finish the most silent dinner I have ever had I go to the toilet and when I lock the door behind me I pull my dick out to give it a pep talk. “You’re just friends, do not have sex with her because it will complicate things!” Even as I’m saying all this I know that a part of me won’t mind as I’m still picturing the outfit she had on. I’m in trouble.

I’ve now come out of the toilet and she asks me if I’d like a tour of the flat. I see no harm in that and so I get shown everywhere. All her flatmates are out so we are home alone. The last place I see is her bedroom. She then asks me to come sit on her bed and watch TV with her. I pretend to think nothing of it and sit with her. She casually positions her self so that her head is on my chest and we’re just sat down watching TV. At this point my heart is thumping and I don’t think that we’re just two friends sat down watching TV anymore. She turns around and plants a kiss on my mouth and in my brain I am thinking that I really want to but I shouldn’t so I pull away and tell her that I think I better go.

I’m not going to lie I had never been so tempted but the competitive and sensible person inside of me didn’t want to prove John and the cab driver right by giving in to my sexual urges. I also didn’t want to risk getting involved with someone I work with, as I didn’t want to complicate things at work. I made a mental note that if either of us was to leave the workplace that I would call Amy in the hope of going all the way. I felt a lot of different things. I felt really bad for her because I didn’t want her to think that she was ugly. I was mad with myself for not going all the way as she was absolutely stunning but the feeling that dominated my thoughts was a smug self- satisfaction knowing that I had not succumbed in a position that 9 out of 10 men would have succumbed to. I thought I was the shit. My penis was incredibly upset with me to say the least and continuously piped up to give his opinion. He even spat on my belly

When I got home I called Amy to tell her that I didn’t want her to think I wasn’t attracted to her because that was far from the truth. I had grown over the course of the time I’d known her to really respect her and care for her and I didn’t want to throw away our friendship for a romantic encounter that could go wrong. Our friendship from that day sadly was never the same and she didn’t take it well when Samantha came into my life.


About the book;

Mark Mutton, a funny, cynical salesman has just been made aware that with 4 weeks, 5 days and 14 hours to go before their wedding, that it is off by Samantha Johnson, his fiancée. He has a series of comical flashbacks before arriving back to the moment. Mark has led a hilarious existence and he is proud to share them with you. You're taken on a tour of his view on relationships, sex and dating. This is a novel about relationships from the point of view of a man boy. Classic Man-Lit for women.

Munir Bello was born in Nigeria and moved to England at the age of 10. He went to school in Sussex and then University in Essex. He currently lives alone in Maida Vale, London. His first book is called, "The Break Up Recipe" which has become an underground success and is continuously growing. He has plans to write further books on a variety of subjects.

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