Friday, April 25, 2014

Romeo and Juliet versus Cat and Mouse by BabaWilly

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Tension lies at the heart of all relationships; be they attractive or repulsive forces. A job is one of those intimate relationships full of tension. It starts early for some. The poor kid who is asked what he will be when he grows up and is forced to imagine what his ideal ‘partner in productivity’ will be while still only five years of age. That is tension. With the passing of time everyone soon finds out they need to get hooked to a job.

The occupational bachelors and spinsters who wait, search, look and check out the markets all get picked up one by one.  My personal story is no different from most. Now happily settled in a loving relationship I remember when I took my first vows all those years ago. It was the Hippocratic Oath. A name change soon followed as did a change of address and I was now called Doctor and resided in the Doctors’ staff quarters.
As blissful as things may be now there are spells when that question rears its ugly head, ‘What have you done for me lately?’  Now, if you ask and your job says nothing in return, you just might get deported into that moody company of people who do not engage properly at work.

Those are the 50 to 60% of people who have a love hate relationship with their work. It is either that the job speaks no sweet nothings to them or they cannot hear a word their job is saying for they concentrate too much on the sweet nothings Manchester United is saying to Wayne Rooney. Here in lies the first lesson; never meditate on another man’s salary for it only gives you depression.

I have decided to listen to my job’s romantic overtures and keep the flames of desire burning twenty four seven as I just cannot afford to be miserable. Spending most of your waking hours in a job you hate will send you to an early grave so just be happy like Pharell and love the one you are with, like Luther Vandross.

So here it goes, the reasons I like my job are-

They pay me money on a fixed date every month. No romance without finance and moni for hand back for ground.

The toilets are clean. There is nothing like a sanitised loo. I hope I never work anywhere with dodgy toilets. The cleaners at work are diligent. They also keep all the consulting rooms clean.

We have a security guard. That means if a client goes crazy, the security gets it in the neck while we all escape.

I get to go on study leave which translates to big medical conferences in swanky hotels with free food, nice speakers and ample time to gas around on Facebook.

I never go off sick but if Nigeria gets to the final of the World Cup, that line of deception is always open to me.

There are the serious bits too, for instance you get to affect peoples’ lives positively at work and the sense of accomplishment at the end of the day is very good for my mental health.

Skills get developed such as listening to complex histories and crystalizing long episodes of dramatic trauma into a diagnosis, communicating difficult medical phenomena to patients in language they can understand and feigning great compassion at the fracture of a single hair follicle or the death of a pet snake. (We are good actors).  These things cannot be done at home and the work place frankly gives one a place to shine. I think that is what Brad Pit calls ‘being on location’ or is it ‘being at the Oscars?’ Either way it is an opportunity that should not be taken lightly.

Then there are the colleagues who give you something to talk about when you get home. These are very driven creatures of habit with high standards of professionalism.

I may not sign autographs like David Beckham but I sign prescriptions.

Of all the things that the job offers, the best are the patients. They tell me things that cannot be found in newspapers. I don’t have need for soaps and dramas for I tune into live reality shows whenever I step into work. They amaze me.

There was the guy who came in with his pregnant partner and was so lovey- dovey till I asked for a urine sample. As soon as she left the room her lover and best friend asked if there were tests he could do as he felt the baby was not his. I told him that he would have to wait till the baby was born! As soon as she returned their love show continued.  I keep my mouth shut and secretly admired his acting talents.

Then there was the lady who was told to bring in ‘a sample’ as part of her new patient medical check-up and she returned with a urine specimen pot full of fresh poo. The list goes on. There is never a dull moment. All these incidents are vital to keeping the senses alive.

 For someone who enjoys hearing people talk about stuff, I have the best job in the world. I think not about greener pastures across my fence but mow my own lawn with pride.  My skills and competencies might not be the best in the world but I am in an environment where they can get better.  And so long as I can do my best and have clean running water to wash my hands afterwards, then I am fulfilled.

It takes two to fill a scrotum. If a relationship is going sour exercise caution before pointing the finger as it just might be you with the problem. I do see a fair amount of people with work related stress and it is always ‘the boss form hell’ to blame.  Na so!

People make great efforts to change their jobs, but the problems with the last relationship soon show up. They still carry their flaws with them. These are the complainers who are never fulfilled in what they do for they should be receiving a better pay.  Rather than understand that the boss is always right and that his metaphorical boots are for licking they expect the boss to bow down to them. Dream on mate!

But how can someone love a job when they have not loved themselves first. It takes confidence to do ones best without snooping on every single colleague’s work rate.

And that brings us to the second lesson. You just have to love yourself and be happy in yourself before you met that job of your dreams because if you were miserable before you met the job, you will be miserable ever after.

Dr Wilson Orhiunu
First Published on FB

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