Thursday, January 9, 2014

Why Men Cheat And Other Answers From One Man To Other Men

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By Onuoha Obinna

In a world where there are many broken homes & relationships, where marriages are even over before they begin and where the young ones detest the idea of marriage or have certain prejudices regarding it, the nobility, faithfulness and fidelity of partners comes to the limelight raising the question "Is there anyone faithful?"

But of course there are faithful partners who honor their vows & commitments to their spouses by keeping their beds undefiled besides, how can we raise the question of unfaithfulness if there's no faithfulness in view? Again some will say, " Agreed!

There are faithful ones but they are rare compared to the unfaithful" with the fingers of accusation pointing at the male gender most of the times which had resulted to sayings like "all men are cheats; all men are the same" yet I raise a question; if all men are cheats,who do they cheat with?!

Women obviously which brings to bear the fact that if all men are cheats,the women are guilty as well as the crime needs the involvement of both parties for it to be committed.

A popular Nigerian comedian "Ali Baba" took to twitter the question "why do men cheat?" And as expected, lots of responses followed with some raising answers on the defensive & others on the offensive. But one thing is sure, Adultery is unjustifiable! There's never a good enough reason as to why one should "cheat" on his/her partner. That been said, I'll go on to answer the question "why do men cheat?" And please note that the reasons to be listed are applicable to both males and females genders.

•listed below are some reasons why men cheat and I'll take time to explain a few.

- Lack of sexual fulfillment
- Greed
- Seduction
- Fantasies
- Insecurity
- Vengeance
- Lack of respect for spouse/commitment
- No moral values
- A way out

*Greed - This is one major reason why men cheat on their spouses. Simply put, it's the "I've got to have it all syndrome". They ain't satisfied with that which they have so they go from skirt to gown trying to get a taste of all sides of the cake. A man driven by greed will cheat for a hip smaller, a hip bigger, fatter, slimmer, fairer & even darker. Such infidel can rarely be stopped for as long as he sees a new cookie jar, he's bound to put his hands in it. He's like the proverbial basket that can never be filled with fluid.

*Lack of Sexual Fulfillment -  This is another major reason as to why certain men tend to cheat on their spouses and it's most likely in a relationship where the spouse is engaged in a busy lifestyle which includes tight working schedules thus meeting the sexual needs of the spouse less often as they are either too busy with work or too tired for the after dark.

Another is the sexual "Performance" of the spouse. In a relationship where one's sexual supply does not meet the demand of the spouse, overtime some will "take out" so as to have his/her sexual urges fully met. This may result from one partner having more sexual activities/experiences before marriage than the other & as such, the one with less sexual experience will continue to fall short of expectations.

*Seduction - This could also be known as "Getting caught up in the Moment". Wrong place, wrong time & wrong conversations can easily get one ensnared. Alcohol can also be stated here because its influence often renders one vulnerable. A hot/ good looking flirtatious boss, colleague or friend if not avoided can easily seduce one into committing the crime even when there was no initial intention to do it.

*Fantasies - Here, His thoughts play a major role. For instance, maybe he saw someone at an eatery or the mall or ran into an old crush whose physical appearance catches his interest & without putting away that momentary interest, it will only take a few minute before he becomes intrigued and his thoughts then start to go wild as he begins to play scenarios up in his mind.

Another cause of fantasies are pornography, secular romance novels, soap operas etc. When caught up in a fantasy, he's left to either cheat on his spouse with another or cheat on her with her i.e having sexual intercourse with her but with another in mind.

Others get involved because they are trying to get back at their spouse or are so frustrated by their spouse that they seek refuge in the arms of others while for others, its just for the fun of it.

These ones have no moral values as they do it for the "adventure" believing that "stolen waters are sweeter".

Now we know why men cheat but the knowledge in itself if not applied to resolving the problem is vain.

*Possible Solutions*

• Honor and respect your vows and commitment to your spouse and God before whom you had the covenant with each other.

• Don't get too busy with work or other activities that your spouse will have to suffer because of it. As a couple, it is your responsibility to meet the emotional and sexual needs of each other. Also put aside pornography as this will lead to fantasies that your spouse may never be able to satisfy.

• Observe abstinence as a single. Having sexual activities with others tend to increase your sexual limits & desires and when you eventually get married, it becomes hard for your partner to fulfill/meet those desires especially when he/she marries you as "newbies". No matter how hard they try, they'll always play catch up.

• Flee from seductions - Avoid flirtatious conversations with people of the opposite sex; don't put yourself in a vulnerable position thinking that you can handle it when most times, you obviously can't. Don't discuss your sex life with friends. Often, such conversations lead to fantasy build up especially when you learn how the other guy is "rocking his."

• Be truthful to yourself; stolen waters are by no means sweeter. Be contented with what you have. Extra marital affair is sin known as adultery and if you ain't married, its fornication. Fear God enough to live holy and abide by His moral standards.

•Communicate - if your spouse ain't hitting the right spot, tell them and possibly show them; not everyone are good at mind reading.


Being a faithful partner requires a lot of work and input. You've got to keep at patience, tolerance, respect for self & your spouse as well as honoring your vows. As long as you keep practicing, you'll surely get there and with more of them practices, you're likely to remain there. (Where unto thou has attained,mind the same thing.)

In all humility, I feel I haven't done enough as regards addressing the issue at hand but I do hope that you reading would find some truth in it.

*credits to Dr.Creflo & Taffi Dollar on their book "The Successful Family"*

Onuoha Obinna is on Twitter as @kruseaphix)


  1. In my opinion men cheat because THEY CAN. And women have come to accept it as the norm, so what's to stop them?

    1. It's a two way thing. Even men are accepting cheating wives too. Sad.

    2. This is exactly a friend told me. He cheated because he could. Why this is being accepted by so many women is beyond me.

  2. Oh my gosh, please can we stop this discussion. I thought it died with the last bit of 2012 and early 2013. Men cheat because they can, there is no other reason. A woman that is being pummeled will sit and home and be praying the man changes. Let us be real, a lot of men these days are not really prizes in marriage. Complaining, selfish, demanding and completely lacking of romance...can I cheat with someone who will fulfil my needs? Abeg let us hear. The man that wants to be faithful will try. Those that refuse na them sabi. Let 2014 be the year of serious activism. I love you sha RML blog but please let this topic rest.

  3. This post is spot on.I agree totally with it.

  4. I stated in the write up that the principles are both applicable to males and females alike and the caption "why MEN cheat?" Isn't necessarily referring to the male gender alone but Men as in Mankind. If you read this article irrationally, you may never get what it truly reveals. Saying Men(males) cheat bcos they can is ridiculous cos likewise females can cheat too bsides as I asked in the article, who do they cheat with?? This isn't to condemn or exonerate any gender in particular but to provide us with info to help curb infidelity.


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