Wednesday, January 29, 2014

What Nigerian Women Will Do To Get Married - Fact or Fiction?

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By Neeta

"Statistics show that only 3% of single women of marriageable age in Nigeria are undisturbed by their lack of a spouse! The other 97% would do just about anything to become Mrs. Somebody''.

As we read on, we are going to see some rather unorthodox things Nigerian women will do in their quest to bag a husband! Some are bizarre, some are skanky and some are downright sad but if you are willing to try anything and getting a husband is the only activity left on your bucket list, you might want to try a few! (Men beware). In no particular order:

Snatching a friend or relation's man. All is fair in love and war! Rumor has it that women have resorted to locking their phones, hiding their men and coding their gist from so-called friends because it's a jungle out there.

Re-inventing themselves. Pretence is the order of the day. No man wants to tame the shrew or teach the inexperienced or make an honest woman out of a dishonest one so once marriage is desired, women package themselves in pseudo, ready-made, easy-to-use, highly desirable packages. After marriage, what you see is what you get!

Trapping him with pregnancy. This used to be the old school method of getting a man to propose. From skipping the pill to seducing the man or getting him drunk when she was ovulating, a woman usually knew she had the man where she wanted him once she missed her period even if there was no commitment. Now the guys are saying YES to baby mamas and YES to child support. Are the girls deterred? NO! The girls have stepped up their game by involving the parents and you know parents don't like scandals

Praying & Fasting. This would presumably be an honorable means of obtaining a husband but sometimes the prayers are offered up to deities other than God & other times it becomes a song permanently.

Taking his photograph to Cele church for a prophetess to pray over or a powerful Alfa. Heard it works like a charm.

Taking his sperm, hair or personal effects to Babalawo. Guys disposing of your condoms yourself are not such a bad idea.

Outright Jazz! My friend recently gisted me about how a tied up, live pigeon had been discovered in a friend's sister-in-law's box. The woman confessed to using jazz and said she hadn't been sure if the guy would actually propose so she took the necessary precautions.

Putting love potion in his food! This is classic and timeless but shouldn't it be called a compelling potion? Because in this case, love na by force!

Proposing to a guy! Yes it does happen (Who wears the engagement ring?)

Toasting a man's family so they make the decision for him! A friend complained that a girl he detested had over the months gotten close to his family. Lavishing on them, cooking for them and basically being their go-to girl and now his mum had put her foot down that he had to break up with his girlfriend and marry little-miss-went-home-to-mama depending on how much power the family wields, their word may be final.

Asking daddy to get you a husband! If daddy's a big shot, arranging a husband for you is usually as easy as pie and some men would sell their souls for a large chunk of daddy's money so both parties are happy.

Being your man's maga! Some women believe that when you finally get a man to be interested in you, spoiling him and overlooking his every fault would get you into a white gown faster than an okada. Some men don't mind a woman who houses them, clothes them, feeds them, gives them pocket money, never gets upset with them even when they misbehave and cleans up after them with little or no contribution from them living the dream???

Giving him unlimited freedom as long as he proposes. Tell me I am number one baby; tell me I am the future mother of your kids and not Amina, Bisi or Ngozi. Women used to want to be the one AND ONLY in their man's life, now being the number one is good enough.

Polishing up a low class, barely educated brother in exchange for a ring! The deal is simple, you send your cleaner, gateman or driver to night school, you give him language lessons, you take him to buy some new clothes and deodorant and teach him to call you honey instead of madam and in exchange, he gets to marry you, share an expensive bedroom and never worry about his bills ever again!

Revamping you. Change your ward-robe, lose 20kg, buy a truckload of Brazilian hair, study the karma-sutra, do an angioplasty and change the age on your birth-certificate to read 22. Botox, plastic surgery, a compulsory gym membership and a body magic also indicated!

Becoming a worker in church! Rumour has it that men go to church to marry, the same rumour also reveals that Greeters Ushers and Lead Soloists have the best exposure. Praise the Lord!

Moving to a new town or part of town so that you are the new girl. This always peaks the men's interest and at the same time you get to run away from your past and the old maid labels!

Going for deliverance from a spirit husband and sowing a big marriage seed in church! Giving your possessions to the poor, giving a sacrificial offering or just giving one thing to God that would make you weep.

Abandoning your hopes, dreams and ambitions! I've heard people say that women looking for a prince charming live unrealistic dreams, virgins are old-school, overly educated women are proud, rich women are not submissive, ambitious women are conceited, women with demanding jobs won't have time for their families, women who want a faithful man are deluded and women who don't get pregnant before wedlock have something wrong with their plumbing! So forsake the masters, don't even dream of a PhD, quit your job, give away all your money and surely a husband will come.

And if all else fails, Marry a married man! He could be your friend's husband, your sister's husband, your cousin's husband, your colleague's husband, even your mother's husband if you like!

Can you blame these women? The average guy has commitment phobia or is out to play till he is all spent before he settles down or is waiting to make his first 5 million before saying I do. Even a man with no future ambition or class, much less finances still knows he could have his pick of the best women out there, once he announces he is looking to settle! ''The last census showed a female-dominated demographic with more women per eligible bachelor. Family and society constantly put the woman in hot water making her personal successes irrelevant till she bags a man''.

Originally published by Neeta on her blog ChocolateChutzpah


  1. I get hot under the collar when I read articles like this because it is the same society that advocates a woman's raison d'etre is marriage and motherhood, that women who are not 'answerable' to a man are walking stigmas and half-human; the same society that drives women over the brink, stands back to gloat, scoff, poke fun and laugh them to scorn when they resort to desperate measures. The endless stream of 'witty', satirical pieces etc that make single ladies the butt of their jokes are just downright disgusting.

    Here's my take on things: every human being is beautiful, unique and COMPLETE with or without the 'married' status. Marriage does not validate you, male or female. Who you are is not defined by a piece of metal aka the wedding band. You are way beyond that. Your purpose and reason for being surpasses a certificate. Marriage is beautiful, but it is not & will never be the be all end all.

    It's about time we start celebrating single ladies and gents, instead of constantly knocking and putting them down. I look forward to the day that the Nigerian society in particular will stop judging a woman's worth based on her marital status.


    1. I love you for all you've said Oluchi! God bless you indeed. Sometimes I can't help but be thankful and grateful that I'm not in Naija. I find our culture and society to be rather judgemental and unforgiving and it just makes me sad.

    2. I love you for all you've said Oluchi! God bless you indeed. Sometimes I can't help but be thankful and grateful that I'm not in Naija. I find our culture and society to be rather judgemental and unforgiving and it just makes me sad.

  2. This is funny but not funny at the same time. Society should quit with the whole pressure thing, it is becoming pathological at this rate.

  3. The same society that criticizes unmarried ladies also blames them when they embark upon desperate measures!

  4. I thought this article was funny, as in ha-ha funny and I confess that I did chuckle as I read through it. Having said that, I realize it is also a sad commentary on our society for making women feel like they are nothing and worth nothing unless they are wives. I wish we can start ingraining into girls' heads that there is more to their (our) lives and worth than being a wife.

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  6. Na wa! the societal pressure is actually too much... seriously, I think our people need to take this marriage thingy easy...I mean, 'wedding' in itself is not a destination, but just one of the steps along a growing relationship.

  7. I'm kind of disgusted with this article.Stop with the judging of single women.

  8. Its pathetic! just pathetic....the vicious cycle we're living in...the truth about the matter is we did this to are not to blame alone neither are the women... we both are....when you as a human being move out of a specified plan or convention that has been designed and embedded within your core subconscious then you are only looking for trouble. All the women that have commented here...that has condemned this despicable act of society condemning single ladies are right for speaking out but at the same time wrong...its not the society that puts pressure on you ladies..its you ladies putting pressure on all where designed to be with companionship from the very look at your friends (the ones with ideal husbands) and you see how happy they are and it disturbs you emotionally cos u wish to be like them...(women are much more easily influenced by their fellow girls than men are by their fellow men) when you eventually get Mr. Right ( or wrong) you snare at the single ladies because they are the ones that have made the statement 'Its a Man"s world " to ring true and true every passing day. They are the ones that give your husbands the attention you cant even dream of from guys their age...because of this you put the pressure up and condemn these single ladies cos you know what they do with your husbands behind your backs. Our young chaps out there also see this ladies act unashamedly out there with their fathers and when they get to a marriageable age they find it hard to choose cos they know the type of past these ladies have. They find it hard to choose because men where not designed that way...Its the women that carry our babies so its also the same women that can cheat a Man into fathering a Child that was not his...Every woman knows her child but Men can be deceived( why are ladies much more tolerant of cheating than men can ever be?), within the Man's psychological framework was embedded a program that despises loose women and another one that makes them attracted to healthy, robust and beautiful women ( healthiness entails ability to carry and nurse their offsprings and beauty entails aesthetic advantage to their seeds)...the first program was designed to protect them from the injustice of fathering a child that was not theirs. So they have their fun with this loose women and leave them to their fate...the women on their part where designed to be more receptive to men with resources, men that could cater for their unborn child...the problem with these programs is that they did not specify to which person you where to direct your attentions to because these program are essentially emotional ones...its not logical..the logical part actually depends on the individual...we men grow older and infiltrate the moral fabric of our young ladies making them umarriageable to our sons...the ladies on their part do not resist because they rarely make use of their logical thought processes...the most painful thing about it is that when these ladies actually hook up their husbands usually through deception their husbands get to know whom they really are later on in life and out of frustration look to the younger ladies out there for solace...and the vicious cycle continues.

  9. I think the whole problem of the issue of marriage or not can be traced to the evolving of our culture. The pressure on marriage wasn't this way in the days of our fore fathers. Then both the man and the woman are both comitted to the marriage. A woman doesn't marry because of your wealth, but on who you are. Today a lot of things decides marriage. One of them is the man having heavy pocket, big house, cars,etc. These are d things women today look out for before they settle with a man. And men feel that for a woman to settle with him he has to struggle to get all these. It wasn't so in the past. The economy is also not helping matters. Gone are the days of love is blind.

  10. There was a time here in the U.S. when women did not have jobs outside of the home.
    After women's liberation most women here have employment.
    I don't need that. Her full time job should be taking care of me.


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