Saturday, April 20, 2013

How Do Modern Couples Express Love?

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By Mgcini Nyoni

How do modern couples express love for each other? Honestly, saying I love you hardly cuts it and besides, we tend to say I love you to a lot of people whom we are not romantically involved in and the use of words and phrases like sthandwa sami (my love), darling, sweetheart... is random and hardly reserved for the person we call our soul mate.

Physical contact; kissing, hugging, holding hands… has increased amongst people who are not romantically involved and is no longer the preserve of that one, special person. So how do modern couples express love for each other? How do they show each other that they care?

Traditionally, it was the exclusive duty of the woman to take care of the home and family whilst the man provided for the family. In washing, cooking...for the husband, the wife showed that she cared. And in making sure that the family is properly provided for, the man expressed his love for his wife. It was not really necessary for them to tell each other that they loved each other. It can be argued that what was happening between married couples back then was not love at all, but that’s a debate for another day.

With the advent of civilisation, the exclusive role of the man as the provider for the family has been taken away. In a number of cases, the woman has continued washing, cooking and so on for the husband and this way women have maintained their way of expressing their love for their husbands. Men have continued demanding that women push the ‘taking care’ of husband and family role and in many cases, unfairly so.

Femi Fani Kayode Speaks on Love, Marriage and Divorce

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I was a fan of Femi Fani Kayode while he was in the Obasanjo government. He was a good looking man, younger than a lot of the others in the cabinet, and well spoken. I knew nothing about him as a person or his personal life. And then I left Nigeria, he left the government and kind of faded from the public eye. My interest was rekindled in him after a politically motivated exchange of words he had with Reuben Abati.

And then he made the remarks about the dead girlfriend of Oscar Pistorius, [read here] which I found thoughtless and gratuitously provocative. When I learnt he granted a personal interview to this Christian blog, I was interested, and after reading, I think I see where those nasty comments were coming from. We are to believe he's a repented and reformed philanderer, who really loves his wife even though they're living separate lives and he just finished dating someone else not too long ago. Yeah, right.

I found his thoughts on love and marriage interesting, if not something I agree with. He presents a perspective that we rarely hear from. Most womanizers never speak up, and at least Fani Kayode is speaking from a place of knowing he made mistakes. On divorce, some could say he's taking a pro-stand because he's a divorcee, but it makes sense. Here are some excerpts from the interview;

Janelle Monae Covers Essence - Why She Wears Black and White

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I heard about Janelle Monae when Archandroid came out, and then I found she had a previous album which I actually preferred. I also like her look and her videos and it was pleasant to find she is on the cover of Essence for May. [See Kerry Washington on March cover]

When asked about why she wears mostly black and white, she replied;

"It's a dedication to uniformity and I'm a minimalist by heart, but a lot of it had to do with me wanting to have a uniform like the working class, like my mom and my grandmother. My grandmother had 16 sisters and brothers and they all had to share one pair of shoes. And so that's the family that I come from -- I don't ever want to be detached from that. I use it as motivation for my music and to just keep me centered, grounded and to stay on message."

What is Difference Between Relaxed and Texlaxed Hair?

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Texlaxed Hair
 In the comments to my last hair post, some asked what the difference was between relaxed and texlaxed hair. I had read about texlaxing on a few blogs, and seen some videos of people who had texlaxed their hair, but I still had to ask my stylist exactly what she meant when she brought it up as an option.

Basically, she said, it was the same as relaxing, you use the same chemicals to straighten the texture of the hair. However, in texlaxing,

1. the relaxer is diluted with natural oils and conditioners,
2. it is applied strand by strand like usual, but kind of combed into the hair
3. it is not allowed to stay on long enough to completely stretch out the hair.

The result is that some of your hair is texturized, some of it is relaxed, some may even remain completely unstraightened depending on the texture of your natural hair. Below is what my hair looks like after I shampooed off the flat-ironing. I'll be sharing more posts of how I try to keep my hair healthy as time goes on.

Curvy Is Beautiful - Ma’Bello Clothier Styles Full Figured Women

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I don't know how some of these PR people get our email addresses but I do receive a lot of publicity material to promote brands and such like. If I don't know you I'll ignore such emails. But I liked the pictures that came with this PR especially this top one that reminded me of the Igbo traditional outfit for the married women - two wrappers and a lace top. I think this is a skirt in the picture though.

The designs are by Ma’Bello Clothier (MBC) who makes clothes specially for fashionable curvy or plus size women. "The collection pictured here see two curvy models in stylish, figure enhancing floral patterns, African prints, silk, lacey designs and clothing accessories. MBC has special expertise in designing, fitting and styling the latest fashions to flatter the curvy woman."

Enjoy the pictures and be inspired.