Wednesday, April 17, 2013

Solomon Akiyesi et al - Lessons to Learn

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Solomon Akiyesi and his many wives. From L - R Ezinne, Lillian and Uloma

After reading yesterday that Solomon Akiyesi had a previous marriage, bringing the number of his church weddings to three, I gave up. I also thought that was the end, but the saga continues as the women have begun to trade "pity me" stories to bloggers. I do pity all three women, in the sense that they are victims of a scam artist, a philandering man who does not even have the common sense to know where to draw the line.

However, I wonder if anyone is seeing this drama as a teachable moment? It could even be worthy of a Law masters or PHD thesis. The question is how seriously do Nigerians take their marriages as a legal contract? Beyond the spiritual vows, and cheating/infidelity, do men and women understand that their marriage certificate is also a binding document that represents an oath to the state? Does the confusion stem from the fact that most of our marriages are two-tiered, the customary usually coming before the registry (church or court). Does repaying a woman's bride price nullify the legally registered marriage?

Let's use the Solomon-Ezinne-Lillian Akiyesi story as a case study.

Lilian met Solomon as a little and naïve girl in 2001. There was no one married to Solomon as at then. Down the line, Solomon got married to Ezinne who said she was pregnant as at then. Lilian moved on with her life. Years later, Solomon and his family came to ask for Lilian's hand in marriage claiming that their son was deceived into marriage as Ezinne was never pregnant and was infact confirmed in the hospital to have damaged her womb a long time ago. On investigation, Solomon's family said all rites have been retrieved and dissolved of the marriage which was based on deceit.

Dear Myne - Should I Tell My Friend About Her Cheating Husband?

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This is something that has been bothering me for a while. It's sending me crazy and a I need advice quickly before I make the wrong move. This problem is not particularly about me but about my friends, Jane and Paul (Not real names).

Jane has been married to Paul for 10 years without a child.  Before she got married, she dated him for over 3 years and I still remember how excited she was when he finally proposed. She couldn't stop looking at the ring and telling me how lucky she felt. She started planning the wedding immediately and it was a very successful wedding. For the 1st 3 years of their marriage, it was obvious they were very happy. Jane worked in a small financial firm while Paul worked in an IT firm.

They both decided that they weren't ready for the financial burdens of a child, so they were on birth control for the first 3 years. Within that period, Paul got a job with Schlumberger while Jane and I got jobs in the same bank. I became Paul's banking officer and I can tell you that he was bringing in some very good money. To give you an idea of what he's worth, he has over 30 million Naira in his fixed account which I currently manage.

With their lives financially settled, they decided it was time to start trying for a child and Jane went off birth controls and that was where the issues started.

5 Ways For Women to Enjoy Sex

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I just read a post that reminded me of a similar post here when Dear Myne just started, of a newly wedded wife who had pains each time she tried to have sex with the husband. Check it out, [Dear Myne - It is Difficult to have Sex with my Husband! ] there are loads of very informative comments. This one is about of a young wife who is wondering if she's circumcised and if that's a reason she does not enjoy sex with her husband of 2 years.

On the issue of circumcision and pleasure during sex, I know that even circumcised ladies enjoy sex, so no one need worry about that. For those who really want to know, you can put a mirror between your legs and look at your vagina. If there is a protruding part at the top of the two side lips, you're not circumcised.

For the lady who did not enjoy sex, I had some questions,

1. Have you ever pleasured yourself? That is the first way to know what works for you. Use your fingers and touch yourself, no need to even put it inside you, just play with your outer lips, and imagine you're enjoying sex with your husband.

20 Signs You Are Not over Your Ex

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1. You Dwell on His Every Facebook Status
Do you constantly stalk his Facebook page just hoping for a status update about you? This is absolutely one of the first signs you are not over your ex. With all of the social media tools out there, it’s easy to see where your ex has been and is headed, it’s also easy to see what he is feeling, especially if he is the type to put it all over Facebook.

2. You Stalk His Twitter
Maybe your ex is trying to take a step back from Facebook and moves over to Twitter. Do you constantly find yourself stalking his Twitter account? This is another sign you are not over your ex. Put the mouse down ladies and let him live his life!

3. You Show up Wherever He Checks in
FourSquare is definitely one of my favorite apps, but it’s also pretty dangerous – especially if your ex is the type to check in everywhere. Do you watch where he checks in and then just show up? That’s one of the top signs you are not over your ex and that you’re trying to just win him back!

4. You Still Have Pictures of You Two up
Do you still have pictures all over your Facebook and all over your apartment of the two of you? This is absolutely one of the signs you are not over your ex ladies. When you break up with someone, you shouldn’t have pictures of them all over still, after all, why would you want those memories?

What Do You Think of Mass Weddings?

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25 soldiers and their brides at a mass wedding

A lot of churches carry out simultaneous weddings for more than one couple at a time, depending on how big the church is, and how many couples want to get married on a certain day. Some seasons and periods are favorites, like the end of the rainy season or December in Nigeria when weddings are happening every weekend, and so doubles or triple weddings are common or up to 10 or more.

Growing up, all the weddings I attended had just one couple each and I got used to that, and that was what I had. But I have also attended mass weddings, and the couples I knew managed to make it personal for themselves and great for their guests too.

What has been your own experience, and what impression did that leave you with of mass weddings?