Sunday, December 8, 2013

Cyber Bullying: This Toke Makinwa and Linda Ikeji Issue - Toni Payne

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By Toni Payne

Let me start by saying, we sometimes avoid those touchy subjects because we wish to avoid “drama” but Cyber Bullying is one concept it seems we are yet to get a full grasp on its consequences. Currently, in America there is a full campaign launched against bullying in general, where different celebs have been actively campaigning to stop bullying. We have seen cases of young ones committing  suicide because they couldn’t handle the bullying. I pray and hope things don’t get this far in my motherland, although I suspect it may have and we just don’t document it as much.


For the sake of time, I will try not to over talk but a lot has to be said to make my point very clear so kindly excuse the long read, (I tend to do that when i am passionate about something). I know a lot keep quiet to avoid backlash but hey, it is what it is.

There is this ”trend” of making vicious comments about others that has become popularized by certain blogs. Overtime, its now seeming like the norm, with more people appearing to see nothing wrong with it. We even have corporate brands willing to identify with such sites irrespective of the damage or harm they cause.

I have seen it happen to celebrities and non celebrities alike, some notable names being Tonto Dikeh, Dbanj, and most especially Karen Igho, just to name a few. Its like the general mentality has become, if you ever become the topic on certain blogs, get ready to either grow thick skin or have a mini heart attack. We are not all built the same so lets hope those who will still be victim, do the former.

This trend of Vicious, Nasty, Bitter comments can make your skin crawl. Yeah, nobody holy pass and I am certainly not an angel, we tease each other all the time, some of us even enjoy a bit of fashion police when we see things outright wrong but we should also know where to draw the line. I am sure we can all make our point without being outright wicked. I have seen some comments about an outfit I wore to a concert on Bella Naija that made me laugh, like, these people got jokes for days. They were not what I would have liked to hear but they were also not wicked or cruel. but I digress!

They say as a celeb you are meant to have thick skin, but in the same token, as a human being we must all set good examples for those who look up to us. Imagine having a generation of people who see nothing wrong with hurting each other all in the name of fun.

Anyways lets fast forward to why we are here. There is a blog very notable for nasty comments, in fact more people visit the blog because of its comments than its content. The blog is owned and run by a lady named Linda. Please keep in mind,  I have nothing against her, she is a hard working lady who has made a name for herself, but I also wont for the sake of status not call a spade a spade. I am not singling her out just for the sake of it, but she just happens to be the 2nd party involved in the issue I want to discuss.

I will make my case based on my observations about her blog or her (it gets confusing seeing as she approves the comments that make public view so if she wasn’t ok with it, we probably wouldn’t see it). You are probably asking yourself, as long as its not me being targeted, why should I be concerned? guess what, it is all of our business because God forbid what is being seen as “ok” now, may affect you someday.

Aside from being a simple to read source for news, overtime, the blog has grown into some sort of “haven” for anonymous commenters who wish to pour out the darkness inside them all in the name of commenting about others. They have even taken it several notches up and attack each other. Today, I saw tweets to the effect that Toke Makinwa was being attacked on a certain blog. One of the retweets took me to the source and my heart was like, something has to be said. If it changes something, fine. If it doesn’t, that’s fine too.

What I noted was that the past few days has seen blogger Linda hammer on and on about Toke’s Relationship breaking up, or posting a reference to being engaged for too long, or posting pictures of the babe calling it ”stunning” in her usual sarcastic style, and allowing her readers do the rest. When I mean “the rest” I am talking about the outright nasty, vicious, malicious comments posted about this lady from people who do not even know her.  Lets not forget some past commenters who would even claim to know the subject personally and proceed to post “personal” information about the person.. if they are lies, we do not know, but we still get to watch the defamation go on and all these are approved by the blog owner.


Toke may not say anything because she wishes to appear strong and non chalant, but damn, she isn’t made of steel and has blood in her veins and emotions like we all do. Last time I checked, most people that have been a victim of cyber bullying such as this are human too. Also, there is no age restriction on these blogs so your kids are reading and learning. To those who make these comments its “fun”, but when does fun turn into torment and emotional abuse?

Toke and I are not close friends so I have nothing to gain from defending her except calling a spade a spade. Everything beyond and above this point is my opinion and analysis of the situation. If I am wrong, my apologies in advance but I seriously doubt ill be far from the truth.

In my opinion I feel she(Linda) put Toke under the “hate” radar simply because she(Toke) made a statement on her radio show that “Linda was not a role model”. Linda took it very personal because she took to her blog to post one long epistle about bla bla bla. After that, its been Toke this, Toke that, knowing full well the type of readers she has and the type of comments it will generate (its like the same ol thing, different person).. ahh ahhh. If Toke doesn’t see Linda as a role mode, She(Toke) is entitled to her opinion and as long as she was not abusive when she said it, I see no harm in that. So why take it so personal to the point of being vindictive?

You see, the irony in the comment Toke made is that, by constantly putting her under attack from her readers, she is indirectly proving Toke right. I sure as hell would not want my child seeing someone who promotes hate as a role model and I am sure neither would you. Like I said, this trend did not start today, its been ongoing and has easily become what her blog is known for. Lets not get into the “Failed Model” comment from Tonto Dike that got Tonto 1st place “lets verbally bash her” position. At least Tonto can rest small as it seems Toke is the hot new “lets verbally bash her” in town.

If someone is having personal issues, offer words of support and move on, if she likes going to parties, free her because she is using her legs and not yours. If she wants to vlog about her life, take what you can from it and keep it moving. Try and distinct constructive comments from vicious ones. Try to distinct funny from wicked.

From the little I know about her, Toke Makinwa is a sweet lady. She is friendly, funny and down to earth so it leaves me wondering, what all these people raining hurtful abuses about her stand to gain. Even if she is not all these things, if they don’t know her personally, what do they stand to gain? You want to know the answer? Absolutely NOTHING!. They comment, laugh, and move on. To them its entertainment but to the person who is being picked on, its not close to funny. When it becomes a family member, its not close to funny. If it is your child someday, it will not be close to funny.

With that said, I hope people search their conscience before they comment. If not, no problem. We can’t see you as anonymous but God knows how its going down. Please keep in mind, I know some will try to make a mountain out of a molehill about what I just wrote no be today una don dey do am, I will not engage you so don’t waste your time.  ps:Its easy to say American blogs do it to, but I ask, why must we copy the negative

Lastly if Linda decides to post another one of her “epistles” simply because I have said something a lot of people who smile in her face and a lot of celebrities, say behind her back. Its all good, free world. I write not to offend anyone. I understand that the truth can sometimes be a bitter pill to swallow. All the same, its all love.

I have had some deep discussions about this wieht a few big name celebrities and hopefully, as the years progress, something can be done to see a big reduction in cyber bullying. Lets aspire to love more and hate less.

Sorry for the long post, if there are any typos or grammatical errors, sorry for that too.  God Bless.

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26 comments:

  1. Bia Toni I always thought you and Linda were padis seeing as you go way back when? anyway forget Linda's blog there are several others with equally nasty comments nyash opening with names being mentioned etc go to SDK you go fear frenemies my people the less people know about you the better please keep whatever business you don't want out there between you and God because the day your photo appears on either Linda or Stella Dimoko's blog as hottie or beauty of the day na that day you will know you have frenemies. Toni please start a blog with positive comments only that way others will follow suit

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  2. I never comment to your page Myne but this one, I had to. (Although the article is by a guest).

    Cyber bulling is a BIG issue that has to be condemned from the top down. I follow Linda's blog but I haven't checked the comments in forever, they are too negative for my liking. But I would expect the number of teens who've committed suicide would be enough reason for people to learn. If you have nothing good to say then stay quiet, it's that simple. You don't have to always air every minute negativity that runs through you. It's neither healthy for you as the writer nor uplifting for the reader.

    I applaud your courage in posting such an article against "big names". We (Africans) have a tendency to avoid controversial articles against celebs as we tend to love "bootlicking".

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  3. All gossip blogs share the same faeture so i DON'T SEE WHY SHE HAS TO CALL OUT LINDA IKEJI.

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  4. Controversy sells!
    The gossip bloggers and advertising companies are out to make money!
    Blogs with positive comments, don't pull crowds, which reflects the truth of the human nature!
    Block anonymous comments, and it would stop. But these celebrities also cuss out people as anonymous!
    Fame comes with it's price.

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  5. I do comment on LIB before but when I saw the type of comments her blog attracts I stopped saying anything. You are also right as she always approve comments that makes her look good or promote hate. I know this because I once criticise her post and never saw it approved. She isn't the only one though but the most popular.

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  6. God help us but I doubt things will change soon.

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  7. @annonymous 4:11, She called out Linda Ikeji because she was a second party to the issue she was discussing. Not that she has anything against her

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  8. This is so true, there was a time I stopped visiting her blog, but i had to start again because she is always the first to post news. According to linda, she has a thick skin, so everyone must be like her and develop a thick skin. She sees nothing wrong in what she does, even though people have spoken to her about it. If she stops posting mean comments, her readers will reduce , meaning less money for her. Hopefully probably when she meets the right man, he'll be able to talk some sense into her head and make her understand that life isn't all about money.
    On a side note, this is the same reason why I love bellanaija, I remember some commenter vexing with BN that her hateful comment to a bride wasn't posted, and the reply BN gave was just awesome!! Say NO to Cyberbullying.

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    1. Which man will want a public gossip monger as a wife? The only men that she attracts are the aristos and the likes of Jude Okoye who will use her, dump her and release a sex tape. Even the bleaching abuse she puts on her blog, she has lightened over the years and her sister is a bad bleacher. She's a massive hypocrite.

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    2. Stop talking rubbish. I frequent her blog and I do not support Toni's allegations that Linda is out to get Toke. If you read Linda's comment towards Toke maliciously, it is because you are malicious. Beyonce has haters. Lady Gaga has haters. Who is Toke Makinwa not to have haters, whether they express themselves on Linda or outside of it. IF TOKE DOES NOT WANT TO BE TALKED ABOUT, SHE SHOULD STAY AT HOME AND NOT VLOG. She herself even approves negative comments on her Youtube page.

      So Toni, please dear. Mind your business. This is not the case of cyber bullying. Do not trivalize the issue of cyber bullying by bringing up a non-issue. Toke, herself, DOES NOT CARE. Why should you? You want to be a celebrity? Well, that is the kind of world it is, BRUTAL. It is not for everyone.

      Obama has been called all sorts of names on every single blog, newspaper, magazines, and television. Can Toni write on his behalf too?

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  9. I agree with this post. Linda needs to learn to more responsible with what she posts afterall, she wants to be a role model, right?

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  10. All gossip blogs do the same thing. Because they know that once Toke's picture is up there its bound to generate more traffic and more comments. I don't see why Linda ikeji is the only blogger mentioned. In fact the only blog that I can confidently say doesn't do that because the readers are "tame" is Bella Naija. Although I agree that it was when toke made the role model comment that Linda's Stans began to pick on toke. I agree with everything Toni has said but to call out only Linda Ikeji makes one wonder if there's a personal vendetta.
    That said, Toni Payne is so right. Cyber bullying is getting out of control. Some of these commenters admit that they do it just for fun because its funny but I wonder if they don't know these people are human and have emotions. Most however, do it because they are miserable and unhappy with their own lives and want to make others just as miserable as they are.
    I'm glad someone finally spoke up. Thank you Toni Payne.

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  11. Nothing educative on Linda's blog..... at least 70%.

    One minute she's calling God at the beginning of a new month, next minute she's talking about how she doesn't believe certain things happen etc. I would forever say this....Linda humiliated Goldie(RIP) especially on her article comparing Tonto & Late Goldie on blonde hair and Goldie had just come out of BBA with Nigerians condemning her...( You should have seen the comments). Then she jumped at Tonto and moved on and then many more but now its Toke...Kilode. I don't know Toke but hey she's just like a regular chik trying to live her life. After-all, we all are just trying to still understand what's right or wrong.

    Linda is selling from Gossip and that's what the market needs now......So brands or companies are looking at the traffic on her blog rather than the gossips bit for Linda, she needs the gossips to bring traffic.......

    Linda needs to chill sha o....As much as I know she covers her trail very well that's why you only see things about her going for a function or her her sister talking about her spending cash in Dubai or she was in London for party or interview or she on TJ face show or she dancing with siblings etc...You just never see anything else about her .........

    Future of blogss...........................I WONDER

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  12. Long time Myne...Wow, I have read this guest post by Toni and readers' comments and I am speechless. Some bloggers want the attention at all costs disregarding the reputation of others. As for Linda her blog is all about news, gossip, controversies. As a writer or inspiration, I won't call her a role model, but as a news/entertainment/gossip blogger who knows how to make money, She is good. http://frediliadtruthuncensored.com/

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  13. I totally agree with Toni. But unfortunately cyber bullying will only get worse. God help our kids.

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  14. But this isn't fair, Linda is not the only one who has been posting about toke's relationship. If you have a personal problem with Linda, meet her and sort it out.

    As for comments on blogs, have you seen the comments on SDK??? You will weep. Stella also posts wicked and malicious unverified gossip about people which linda will never do.

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    1. Very true SDK is on a higher level that woman is more of a gossip than Linda hers are stories as in intimate deep personal stories about people that always bring out their entire life in her comment section and considering that she approves all comments you go fear that blog. Linda posts what is common knowledge I have never seen a post on LIB about "a certain governor and a certain actress with the initials XYZ" which is the way SDK starts her stories if Linda posts gossip of that type you best believe it is an open secret but SDK brings the unknown to light and God help you if you get her on social media she will use you as an attack point on her blog comment section one Nosa chick tried it on BBM broadcast and she was finished on SDK comment section. The only thing I would tell Linda to be more sensitive about is in posting tasteless images of the dead etc I personally think Toni has beef with Linda why didn't she go for SDK, Ladun and the likes. Toke's gist is all over all the Nigerian blogs even the tame BN approves some comments that exposes her personal life on posts about her and like someone pointed out SDK was the one to publish her wedding at the registry that never happened story now if Linda has something against Toke don't you think she would have published the gist as well. People need to go over to SDK and read comments before coming for Linda. Toni, Linda was once your friend I have seen your comments on her blog from way back when you two were talking about other old friends if you have beef with her call her sit her down and talk to her woman to woman and don't wait for a robust reply epistle from her blog it is not coming now or anytime soon or ever.

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    2. Toni does not have a personal issue with Linda. She is saying the truth. Linda started vindictive blogging. SDK does not disclose names It is not personal to her. If you have any issue with Linda, she will constantly publish your photo or story and let the comments roll. She did it to Oluchi, RMD, Tonto, and others. Like you said, she will not post any long epistle inciting pity now or in the future, but she is offering money to first 10 comments on her blog. What a calculative move at this time? She is manipulative, ruthless , and smart. I give it her. She changed the face of blogging in Nigeria. Before LIB, blogging was positive and all about news and fashion with bloggers like Taureanmix, Bellanaija, Adaora,and others. I don't recollect cyber bullying when they started blogging. Their blog was about personal journeys. LIB encourages cyber bullying, so Toni is right.

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    3. SDK leaves the names disclosing and nyash opening to commenters comments which she approves that too is cyber bullying. There are way too many nasty comments on yahoo and some facebook pages the likes why isn't Toni complaining about that did Lins also bring cyber bullying to these pages? Bottom line is cyber bullying existed way before Linda started approving all sorts of comments on her blog and most of those who leave nasty comments were already doing it on facebook and other sites so Toni should take a chill pill at least her anti Linda post has given her blog much needed traffic now if only the advertisers can come to her rescue so she can stop hating on Linda so much.

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    4. SDK has a long documented issue with Stella Damasus and uses any opportunity that comes to let her commenters go after her why didn't Toni use her example as well? If that was not an I am jealous of Linda post then I don't know what it was.

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    5. "I have never seen a post on LIB about "a certain governor and a certain actress with the initials XYZ"

      Really? Linda is a hypocrite and gets paid not to publish comments. She gets the stories, tell the people and then they pay her. She did that with many Elohor and Chima Anyaso stories. Then sometimes she publishes comments such as this one you have said she doesn't do and then they disappear. I remember the one about the UBA MD and a Nollywood actress. We all scrambled the answers for her because she didn't know. She chopped some of the comments and before you could say jump the post disappeared. Funny how she's now linked to the same UBA. SDK's commentators are mature. The vile ones are spill overs from the 2 L blogs.

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  15. God help our children! These blogs do not have age restrictions and are open to all tom,dick and harry.... Cyber bullying will only get worse as time passes by... Goodmorning myne.... I loved your article on 'things i love about my Nigerian wife'

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  16. Sorry if this sounds ignorant, but what blog (or whatever) is "SDK"?

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  17. Am tempted too start saying nasty things abt this crappp you juss wrote agreed cyberbullying isn't cool buh if you want to be a bitch juss come out in the open and say wah you want to dnt be a sentimental creep...saying she picks on toke aren't you doing the same thing trying to make fun of her experience she posted.....

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