Monday, October 28, 2013

What Works and What Doesn't Work in Real Life Relationships

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By Eniola Lawal

So the last time I wrote on 'when your man needs space', a guy made it point blank that we need to write in to help them too. Not like my posts don't do that already, but I will fulfill my promise soonest to write specifically for the guys. You know as a lady, I know what our shortcomings can be in a relationship, I know what we like and what we don't which makes it quite easy to point out what the ladies have to bear in mind.

For this post, I decided to use a practical method. I spoke to some guys, asked them what they like and dislike in their different relationships, they all gave good answers with some common to them all. Let's go...

TRUST: As it has been clearly stated by them through me, our men needs us to trust them, after they have given us theirs. It is no news that a relationship with no trust is an absolute waste of time, no matter the effort you put in. We should always learn to trust our men. Now, for the curious minds, even when he has betrayed it before? It is a two way junction; you either face the fact that you can't stand his infidelity anymore and move on without him, or accept him back, when you decide to give him another chance, never tag your mind with the thought of him messing up again! You have to put in all your trust, remember you had the chance to let go of everything but you didn't, then stand your ground and win the game!

GOOD AND CONSTANT COMMUNICATION: When I talk about why relationships work out well, good and consistent communication is the second thing I mention, if not first. There is one thing everybody has to put in mind, change is a very constant thing, not about in the relationship here, but in personality , some little ones are bound to occur in your partner in your course of dating, very inevitable. Good, constant and open communication makes you aware of it and everything that's going on with your partner, it makes you adjust to it without hassles even before either of you realizes it. Lack of it causes whole lots of misconceptions and quarrels, so when our men demands for it, it is very normal and necessary, as a matter of fact they are not asking for too much.

COMMITMENT: Just as exactly stated by the person that mentioned it, there is a stage in one's life when you play around relationships, and there comes a time when you have to be able to give your relationship a good definition. Commitment can only be requested for by your 'man-boyfriend' when he has shown it, my dear he wouldn't ask for it if he doesn't mean business. So, if you are not ready to commit to your man, you had better leave him and look out for 'kid-boyfriends', you can bet they never heard of that word!

RESPECT AND REGARD: Respect is reciprocal, if you don't respect your man, it's not likely he will respect you, and it will in turn hurt you so much. Have you thought about what he feels like when you don't give him due respect? More hurt than you may understand. Learn to respect your man, even if you are older than him, regard his decisions, opinions and wishes over either just you or the both of you.

GOOD ATTITUDE: That is the beauty of we ladies, if we don't have it, sorry but we have nothing. This is what speaks for us, everywhere! The first thing a man assesses in a woman is her attitude, when it doesn't mark, then zer0! We all ladies should know the outcome, he either changes his mind about you or keeps you by the side, while he has his eyes wide open for a woman who possess a good one. That's all!

ABILITY TO RELATE WELL WITH FAMILY AND FRIENDS: Yes, they take that very seriously. Why? They want to 1. have a smooth relationship in all when it comes to you 2. they want to be able to trust you with them all by yourself 3. they want to simply have rest of mind. If you can't relate with their family and friends well, they will do a lot of thinking over you and the result might not come out fair.

INFIDELITY: Guys we know! You don't need to tell us. As a matter of extreme seriousness, we know the consequences of it and we won't venture into it! Ladies, just to re-assure ourselves, even when he is not sincere, don't go down that line with him of tit for tat, worst case scenario, leave! Because when he catches you, the world will forget about his own and concentrate on yours. I'm not supposed to explain what will happen to you when he's very sincere to you, NO!

JEALOUSY, ENDURANCE AND TEMPERAMENT: We all know guys can be so good at disciplining their 'jealous mind' and making it inconspicuous like it doesn't exist, they say they want same from us. Is that possible? We'll have a meeting over that. Guys, don't feel hyped but we accept your ability to endure and at times comport your temperament, we give you credit over that. We would just like you to know that we get jealous because we care a whole lot about you and our relationship, on this note we all have our different level of endurance but we will put more effort. About our temperament, keep praying to God for us.

ABILITY TO COOK WELL: Love fades, hunger doesn't! Lie! Our own love, the love our men has for us doesn't fade which makes them demand good food from us, so they say! Once again, in the classification of women, one who can't cook well is left out. On a more serious note, if you don't provide good food for your husband, where is he supposed to get it from? The men has pointed this out because they don't want to go else where, it will be very sad if we allow them. There are various cookery books, various cooking TV. shows that we can learn from, for those who are good already, improving skills is not a bad idea.

BEING THERE AT ALL TIMES: All of the guys I spoke to mentioned this, and they made it clear enough that we have to be there for them at all times in all aspect. Fine, to all guys reading this, I will personally like to break this point down. If you have already put one or two bands on the ring finger; we are obligated to be there for you at all times and in all aspect; sex, you want to talk, you need a shoulder to cry on during the tough times, name it! If not, in my own personal opinion, the love we have for you will make us be there for you but for or against our will not all the time. I call it discipline, it is now left to you to accept and appreciate the time we're available and hope for the time we will be obligated to, which we will with love and joy.


  1. Eniola Lawal, thank you so much for this piece. I have taken one or two things, thanks. However, I would advise that you take time to edit your write up properly before publishing as some errors are so annoying that they might stop the reader from reading further. Go through it again and make necessary corrections. Thank you.

    1. Thank you for reading ma'am/sir. Your observation has been noted, we'll make necessary amendments.

  2. Good one. I've learnt one or two things too

    1. Thank you 'Thislagosgirl' for reading. Be on the look out for more.


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