Monday, October 14, 2013

Another Woman Speaks Out - I Chose Not to Marry The Father of My Child Because He was Abusive

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Dear Myne, thank you for sharing this Story and Tell Oma Thank You for having the courage to leave and Share her Story. I am currently a Single mum who chose not to marry the father of her child. The reason was because he had ALL these traces of a classic abusive man in this story Oma has shared.He was Emotionally, verbally and psychologically abusive,the only reason I don't think he hit me was because we were apart thru most of our relationship.

Even though I got pregnant,I refused to marry him and till this day he tells me I'll regret it because his ego probably can't tolerate the fact that I said "No" but WTH,I'd rather be a single mum than be a dead wife. He seriously messed up my mind and Oma was right about the confusion, he made up so many lies and would tell them to anybody who would listen. He told me nobody would want me because "single girls never find husband finish,Is it After One like u that will find someone to marry"?

My self-confidence was shattered. And he always hammered on the fact that a wife is supposed to be submissive and he always told me when he finds somebody better than me to marry,I'll wish I'd been more submissive and thrown my pride away for me to make my "home" work. His possessiveness knows no bounds n he always used to tell me we'd move to the country he lives in and when we get married,I should not have friends because they lead you astray(especially single friends).

And the amazing part is that we were in a long distance relationship so he did this from Miles away! From another continent entirely. He would have his friends,family and strangers call and stalk me till I changed my number. I considered Killing myself soooo many times during my pregnancy and after childbirth. I was in shock and couldn't believe how I had gotten myself into such a mess. So many mornings I woke up thinking "I'm still alive, why didn't I die", that was how much torture I was in.

For a long time I couldn't bear to look at sharp objects or knives because I started getting ideas of what to do to myself with it. At first my family believed him whenever he reported me to them n fabricated lies against me because they knew I could be stubborn n because I kept quiet about his issues. But the moment they started seeing the signs and the things he was doing to me the few times he was around, they rallied round me and gave me all the protection I needed.

It is because I have a supportive family that I live to share a piece of my story. My child got me thru it too. And yes! Men like that are usually very handsome.

I blame our failed Society that has raised such useless abusive men who think they can get away with anything because they're men. And Let's not forget our mothers who support their sons in beating abusive because they stayed in an abusive marriage or the ones that ask their daughters to keep "enduring" an abusive marriage. Shame on them!


  1. Wow...I read this story and I can totally relate except the suicide part. Congratulations you didn't marry him cos unlike you I married mine only at the time he seemed so genuine & committed or so I thought. 13 years after marriage, I decided to take charge of my own life and protect our lovely kids from being raised in an abusive home.You're right, he is handsome, very smart, intelligent and very likeable. I was quiet about the things he did never discussed his behaviour with anyone but God..believe me.Prayer revealed so many things to me that I was in denial of for a long while until he crossed the line by putting my life at risk. Many times during the 13years I considered leaving him, but I kept telling myself he could change. One thing that kept me through was the word of God and mostly great teachings by Joyce Meyer (that's a realistic preacher!) I realised soon enough I was not responsible for his actions. I could handle him. Everyone thought we were the most perfect couple but they had no idea mostly because even before I got married I knew my happiness never depended on my husband, I made myself a promise other than my vows that when violence comes home...I would take a walk & I did without notice. I love him but love myself more and my children even more. No dad is better than a bad dad. No child should grow up in an abusive relationship, it keeps the cycle going. His mum controls his life, He is controlling& manipulative (just like his mum-this I later found out), a compulsive liar, adulterous and violent. Its been a year since I left him, he's been busy lying and saying ridiculous things about me which are not true which I have also completely ignored.He doesn't know where we live and has not even tried to contact us which is a big relief for me. Too bad some people believe his stories (esp his immediate family), good thing is the ones that know him,know the truth. His family...well let me just quote ''if you don't have anything good to say about people, say nothing). I actually thought they were genuine people until things started happening. He attempted turning my own family against me as well but didn't succeed. One thing I know is that guys like these really need psychological help and then spiritual deliverance.Its kind of sad to see such smart, good looking, intelligent life waste away because no one survives on lies. Sister's you are not your husband's parents, you didn't raise, didn't know the foundation his life and should not let yourself be intimidated by false doctrine. Abusive husbands know how to remind you to be submissive! Don't be fooled. If you're xtian do your own research..God hates divorce but endorses it on grounds of unrepentant adultery and violence. Life is for the living, you're not doing your children any good by allowing them witness their mum being abused. Make your own decision, do not ignore the red flags. Best advice don't always come from your loved ones or your church, you know your situation better than anyone, weigh your options and make a decision you're certain you will not regret. I personally, would love to educate a lot of women especially in abusive relationships.


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