Saturday, October 19, 2013

[Advice Corner] Should I Forget My Long Distance Girlfriend, or Reassure Her I'm Serious

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Hello please can I ask your readers some questions? I need their input on a decision I want to make.

I’ve been dating this very good friend of mine for like 3 months, we were friends for 5-6 years before then but just lately she’s been acting different though when I ask she says she is okay. Last week I asked her plainly, "what I do I really mean to you" because of the way I was feeling.

Anyway, she said was I thinking of us not been together any more or is it bothering me that we are together can’t really get the right words but she said something close to do I want us to break up. So I said no, then she said let her say the truth she met her pastor in her former church and he told her that our aura does not go together (still don't get that) if we get married it will be okay but when we have kids we have problems that it’s okay if we are just friends.

Then I said okay what if I ask my own pastor and he says we are okay together, she said she will follow her pastor. So I said, we are officially friends now? She said yes then I said okay then. She added that it will be easy for me to get any other girl I want from the ones asking me out or the ones I already know -  I did tell her about those ladies when she said we should be sincere in our relationships.

I was confused so I asked some of my friends they said maybe it’s because of the distance and maybe she wants me to reassure her or something.... though since then whenever I post on Facebook she is always like, call me and when I call and ask, she will say I just want to hear your voice.

I am really kind of disturbed and will like to ask her out again.... funny enough,  she is my second relationship after many years though I have many friends that are ladies most of them think I am shy of asking them out but the truth I don't want to make promises I can’t fulfill that’s why I never had any lady in my university.

I am doing my masters now but not in Nigeria so maybe that why she is acting like that, I mean the long distance since she’s in Nigeria, but I don't really know. Do you think I should concentrate on my books and forget her? I really like her and at 27 am not getting any younger. I want to be married by 30 but I wonder is this what going into a real relationship can cause? Trust me, it’s very painful.


  1. I'm officially anti-long distance relationships so I cannot give an unbiased answer BUT when a girl says her pastor said something and she believes it, it's very difficult to get her to change her mind especially regarding relationships/marriage.

  2. On this particular girl, I think you should let her go. Also 27 is not old at all. Give it time, face your studies and all the best!

  3. I think she likes you. Pastors are not always correct. I know someone whose pastor told him to go ahead and marry a girl that she is the one for him and 6 years down the line, he is filled with regrets. what marriage doesn't have problems? However, long distance relationships are not good as both of you will not have a fair chance to get to know each other well. If you both could work it out to be in the same place, I would say give it a shot. I think both of you have the basic ingredients that will make a marriage work-friendship! But if you are still far apart from yourselves , its a weak chance that a love relationship can thrive!

  4. You shouldn't run at the first sign of stress in the relationship. Talk to her again.

  5. My dear, been there...done that. I am a lady and am currently in a relationship and when a lady keeps acting up like that, she is asking you to do something. Its not about reassurance. U don't know what she discussed with her pastor. U have to first find out if she still wants anything to do wit u.. U guys know how u get a woman to open her heart to u. My guy does the same thing whenever am very angry with him and i want him to leave me alone. He jst gives me a time to calm down and he is back with force that i must forgive him and tell him what he did wrong.
    Since u are not in the country, i would suggest you face your studies but don't forget the girl, if you still care about her. Don't try long distance relationship... Its not good for intimacy in relationship, am not talking about sex here, but long distance can not help you understand a woman or the way she thinks or even improve your sensitivity towards her needs and vice versa. Work on your studies for now, but whenever you are in Nigeria, take a bold step and ask her out. Open your mouth and talk out your feelings for her. Watch out for her reaction.. She may pull back. Its normal. The first time my guy confessed love to me, I shrunk back. I started becoming unusually aware of myself when he was around. On his side, he ran away after telling me that and later came back. Right now we share an understanding you can not imagine.
    Its not about reassurance. She may not actually say she has a good deal with you. Find out first, then you can know your next step.


    1. Great comment, going to your blog now!

  6. bro am never gonna tel u to ask her out again cus av been in the same shoes before,,if her Pastor talked to her and she changed her mind towards ur relationship there is notin dat u wil say dat wil make her come back,even when she comes back it wont last cus she is staying against her will,,just let her go and move on,u wil find anoda to spendd rest of ur live on earth wid


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