Saturday, September 7, 2013

Dear Myne - My Mother Doesn't Want Me To Date a Suitor Who Has Children Already

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Please I really need your advice in an issue that's bothering me. I have dated guys before including single parents but I get discouraged when am dating a guy and I know he has a child and the reason is because of my mother. She doesn't want any of her children to get married to anybody who has a child cause of her
marriage to my dad who had a daughter who gave us stress after he died.

Right now am in a relationship with a guy who has everything I need in a man but has 2 kids from a lady he dated while he was in the UK and she later left him for another man. He wants to meet my family but I have been resistant about it because I  know that my mum will not agree. I don't know what to do cause I really love this guy and single guys I have dated have either dumped me or treated me badly.

Please I don't know what to say or do.


  1. This is the kind of man I want biko! I don't want any pressure on my ovaries not to mention the horrors of childbirth or from MIL at least if he already has kids we can take out sweet time having ours if that is what we both want

  2. God bless Myne, God bless the first commenter, God bless the lady with this Issue. God just use una talk to me now. I'm so carrying on with my present relationship. I've never had a better time like I'm having with my bf. He's been married before and has 3 lovely kids and the relationship has been nothing short of a blessing to us both. I never considered marrying a person with kids mostly because it never crossed my mind but now I'm dating one I wonder why it never did. I'm not saying men like that are the best but if you find what you want in a man and both of you are happy together and the relationship is honest, why leave simply because he has kids? Ha! Unless the kids don't like you then that's a problem because they also matter in the relationship. Above all, seek God's face concerning your matter and as long as God agrees with you, your mum will come around eventually. There's no need to fight her, just be patient and understanding with her. Above all put your foot hard on the ground concerning your choice and you'll see she'd respect it in the end.

  3. mothers know best, So you should understand your mom's fears. But it all comes down to you. How do you relate with his children ? because if you guys do not have a good relationship that will not go well. Also you know his kids will ALWAYS come first before you. If you love him then you have to convince mom. Hopefully she understands. Goodluck

  4. I think parents/mothers especially, are relatively easy. They need time and convincing, but they will get there.
    Four considerations for you though:
    1.Are you really willing to love these children from another woman as you could love yours cause remember conditions can change and you suddenly have the stepmother role thrust on you.
    2. Does he want more kids? Don't just assume that he will want.
    3. Consider that you have a woman from his past who will have entry into his life/your relationship because of the kids. can you cope?
    4. If the kids are in the UK, he is likely paying child support. Will you be supportive of that? (and if he is not paying for his kids upkeep, you should be a teeny weeny bit suspicious)


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