Saturday, September 14, 2013

Dear Myne - My Boyfriend in Nigeria Wants Me to Move Back, But I Want to Remain in the US

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Dear Myne, I have a little dilemma  that i wish you throw open to your readers, but please i wish to be anonymous. I seem to be torn between two men. One of them, the first is in Nigeria while i am in the US with the second.

My story goes this way. When i was still living in Nigeria, i started a relationship with a very wonderful man. We have been together for close to two years now. His being wonderful is an understatement, i just don't have the right words to describe him, he's my rock, my love, my best friend all rolled in one. We have never had major issues since we both are mature folks who see things through our head not our heart, he is very Godly, in fact he made me draw ever closer to God.

But.. he's not the outgoing type, he says he will try to meet me halfway but most times am the one suggesting things that we should do plus all of this has mostly been a long distance relationship. Since moving the USA more than a year ago, i have been faithful to him, we talk everyday on the phone, do Skype.

Recently i met someone through a friend that has me thinking twice about my intended plan of moving back to Nigeria just to be with my man because he has a very good job. This recent "friend" is also very Godly but has all the things i desire, he's outgoing, he's smart, very funny. He has also made his intention know to me despite the fact that he knows i have someone back home.

Plus i have all my family here in the states, each time i bring up the issue of moving back to Nigeria, everyone just hisses, rolls their eyes and tactically change the subject, not that they don't approve of him, but they rather have him move here, which he's not ready to do since he just can't imagine himself starting all over here.

Funny thing is i find myself developing feelings for this new "friend". we hang out together, we go to the park,museum, mall, just name it. I really love the Man am with but  am just torn as to what to do.

Also the thought of moving back to Nigeria to live not even in Lagos but the North scares me a lot.I lived there for just one year during my service days and it was fun while it lasted and i know that at some point i used to reassure him that i wouldn't mind settling down there. But now its so different, am not just that girl anymore. Please what do you think i should do. i really need people who can see what i don't to tell me. Sorry for my long post.

Eagerly awaiting your readers responses.


  1. Sweetheart, you sound like a really nice sensible person and since you say you have a relationship with God I'd advise you pray about it. That you're having doubts about this move says something to me. If the love was strong and you couldn't wait to live with this man, you won't be here asking this questions. You would have packed your load siiiince!!

    America has more opportunities for you than Northern Nigeria. Have you read the news lately? Abeg! From where I'm sitting I don't think you should move to Northern Nigeria. If you even said you've been together for seven years or nine years, I will understand.

    All the best.

    1. "That you're having doubts about this move says something to me. If the love was strong and you couldn't wait to live with this man, you won't be here asking this questions. You would have packed your load siiiince!!"

      You couldnt have said it better Tizzle. I was faced with this quandary sometime ago and had to face up to the truth that i didnt love the man as much as I should.
      Yes, Northern Nigeria has a deservedly negative press but it is only an obstacle if you are not planning to move there to be with the love of your life.

  2. Apart from the new guy its like you don't really like the naija guy since you're focussing on his flaws. You say you have also changed. Msy be time to move on.

  3. Please stick with your guy in Nigeria and don't be dazzled by America. Love and marriage is more than about opportunities. You say he's a great guy give him a chance.

  4. Nothing more to add to first comment.

  5. Well, you have to give this new guy time, test him in every possible way to see if he really is someone you could live with because, behind the Godliness and outgoing character, there may be things you don't know about him which could only be rvealed with time.

  6. Wow that was strange. I just wrote an really long comment but after
    I clicked submit my comment didn't show up. Grrrr... well I'm not writing
    all that over again. Anyway, just wanted to say fantastic

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