Monday, August 12, 2013

Dear Myne - Why Do I Always Attract The Wrong Sort of Men?

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Dear Myne, I am sorry, I just have to pour this out. I tried taking my life and the very young guy who generally helps people around the street, saw me and even with my eye half closed (I thought I was dying) the guy still said I should borrow him 2000..  I just woke up so apparently this combination does not work.

Why do i consider this? I am 37. I have no boyfriend nor children. One of my married male colleagues is suggesting I go back (just relocated) that the single men here are out for what they can get, are mostly bitter over one thing or there other, are just not romantic and the married ones see nothing wrong being married and yet keeping families outside the homes. Its all like a game to them.

I do not date married men. All I want is a family. I am a normal woman and have dated in the past, most of them emotionally abusive relationship. I also have admirers presently but most if not all of them are married due to the nature of my job. An admirer noticed I looked ill last couple of weeks that he will get me something by the next day to cheer me up. The next week he said the same thing!

Myne i do not know what to look forward too, I have loved children from little. I am not perfect but when in relationships aren't something expected? Imagine Like lets go to the beach by 7pm, he doesn't show up, doesn't explain why. I am the one to call to find out. Or scenarios like calls during office hours to say romantic things or just I am thinking of you, what I get is borrow me money for this and that. I am fed up.

I am ok looking, very polite, have no airs about me, very friendly and willing to help but say i am in distress no one is there to help except God. An admirer came visiting when i took ill. I told him I haven't been able to eat anything, he says he will bring me something to eat NEXT WEEK.

Honestly I am not perfect and am not rude or bossy I DON'T DATE MARRIED MEN. Sorry my thoughts are not coherent.

I have no one of my own

someone to kneel and pray with

someone to ask me why i am still awake at 2am

someone to make plans with

someone to discuss the days together

someone who treats me as gently as i treat him and other people

someone to have children with.

I don't have anything to look forward too. Sorry my eyes are blurred and hands shaking. This is possibly a cry for help and any helpful word is welcome.


  1. I will tell you one thing, Take it to God. Am not saying this to sound spiritual or all *churchy* but its the truth, God knows the end even before the beginning, you just have to Let GO and Let GOD.. Humans can only advise, but we cant se the future but God can,also get busy join a fellowship or something, ensure you have no idle time on your hands, equip your self maybe learn a trade, handwork or something that will be useful to you when married and see God's blessing flow in your life

  2. Getting a child is the easier of the two things you want right now. And i really recommend it seeing you're very lonely. You could adopt a baby or get artificially inseminated so the child can be all yours. With a baby to look after you will not have enough time to think about your loneliness. I know this is a stretch but i would do that if i were you. And you dont exactly know when you'll meet mr right it could be a couple more years and child birth might get more complicated. you have time now, get a child. You'll be very surprised that when you have a baby and have stopped worrying about meeting the right man, he will just fall right into your lap. life is very funny that way. Good luck dear and think about the people who love you before you consider suicide. God bless.

  3. My heart goes out to you but know that suicide is not the answer. Talk to your friends or a pastor or counsellor. Get involved in volunteering, you can take one of your relatives children you can love or foster an orphan. All the best.

  4. please please and please, your life is worth living, your man will find you, but in the mean time, make the most of life, you only live once, give back to community, sow seeds, you want children? spend time helping in the orphanage. you are lonely? go out there and make friends...what am saying is live!, dont let not having a man slow you down, am telling you that millions that are married or in relationships are unhappy, take me for instance, a few weeks ago, i was arguing with my 'ex fiance' hot angry words were exchanged, and the next thing was that he tried to throw me out of his house, but i resisted, only for him to drag me on the floor, with my legs. i sustained scratches on my back in the my dear, instead of moaning and being deppressed, just talk to God, he knows is well with you

  5. Hi. I really don't know what to say. But i'll probably be sounding heartless if i say you should calm down, and take it easy. But i think you should. Committing suicide isn't the option, because you'll end up going to hell, which i can assure you is one place you don't want to be now.
    Everyone has said pray, i know it sounds cliched and spiritual, but i think you should do so. I also think you should go for deliverance too-this is probably cliched too, but for now, i advice you do so-with a strong pastor. I won't mention names, but just follow your instincts and do so. After the deliverance, you should just have patience with God. Allow Him do His thing. And I tell you He will surprise you :)

  6. I'm going to be blunt and honest with you. Yes, you are 37 and not married and you don't have the children you have longed for. But you have to stop throwing yourself a pity party. You think that finding a husband to do all the things you have listed will make you happy? You are wrong! Only you can make yourself happy! You have romanticized the idea of a husband and a family so much so that you have made it, being the one thing that you lack, make you miserable. They are plenty of married women whose husbands do not do the things that you have listed for them! So finding a husband will NOT make you happy. You may have children together(even that's not guaranteed) but the rest of the items on your list the probability if you getting them is less than 30%. Ask any married woman, look her straight in the eye and tell her to tell you the truth. It's not all rainbows and roses. My advise to you is to stop looking at other people's lives on Facebook and those around you. Focus on what you have that you can be happy for and is worth living for instead if focusing in the one thing you do not

  7. my sister, go to MFM because this one don pass ordinary eye. At the risk of sounding like a religious fanatic, this is one of the cases where I believe you might be plagued by the spirit of something or the other.
    As for killing yourself, but why? Don't do that biko. Maybe you need to relocate again. Try another country, Ghana, South Africa. You never know.

  8. Lady, you need to deal with your mental health right now. Depression is very real and you ve already attempted to end your life once.
    Marriage or a child is not the cure you need right now cause in your mental state any disappointment or perceived disappointment you receive will only push you to the edge again.

    You need mental healing. Spiritual help is good but medical help means you will be given drugs that will keep you calm and rationale and enable you cope better with living.

    indeed this is a cry for help. medical help.

  9. just keep praying dear Gods time is the best, the bible says he(God) knew you before you were born abi? just wait on the lord in prayer its well with you

  10. Oh well... It is the same thing here. They practically told me to chill, I was smart beautiful and they told me the guys will always be there. I was not promiscuous or anything like that, just an adventurous girl who was exploring her career options. Soon, I realised most of my friends were married, most of the males too. Soon, I realised most of the males in my age bracket were taken. I believe and hope in God but truly, there is a time for everything. If you want to be married, do not wait till you are older. I do not date married men and now, people think because you are a mature single female, you would jump at anything. Nope, thank God my faith in God is built but now, I do not take the issue of love with levity anymore.

  11. Hunnie, now this is not bad as you are making it sound, trust me. Afterall, life to me is about finding one's purpose and making heaven afterall is said and done here. While waiting, try engage in self developing causes; globe trot, start a business, join volunteer groups,give to charity, take a new course, chart a new career if you want to,visit orphanages, help the less privilege in the society and above all stay positive. An aunt got married at 38 last year to the most eligible bachelor I've heard of. Last year too, a 26 year old friend got divorced from her 4 year old marriage. Would you rather be a late bride or an early divorcee? Be prayerful, connect and connect with your maker, above all remember happiness is an inside job.

  12. Sweetie i know you are beautiful and your life is worth more than anything,am so sure of that.Husband,children are all good and blessings of life but you're worth more than them.Loving yourself is from within you,nobody will love you more than you love yourself.I for one have thought of suicide when i thought all was lost,how many years later am still here and alive waxing stronger,better,more beautiful because i had to start loving myself.Please and please husband and children will come but you MUST start loving your own self.Just know we(i) love,cheer up!:D

  13. Honey Pie, have faith in God and Love your self. That is very important. I just turned 39 this year. Iam not married and don't have children even though my friends are encouraging me to have one. Like i said earlier make yourself happy by being more active in your Church and some social activities so that you will not be depressed. Spend Quauality time with friens and family.

  14. Dear Myne thanks for sharing this, its touching and God will help her Insh Allah

  15. The Original Author Of Above ArticleAugust 21, 2013 9:31 AM

    Thank you so very much for publishing this Myne, I am gradually getting myself back together. Thanks for all the comments, you gave me hope and a different way of looking at issues, I will take it each day by one minute at a time.

    May none of you ever be in a position where you just lose your reason to live..

  16. Am also a victim of this but iv got no pastor frend sistr brother fathr nor mother to confide in. My mum kept silent wen i complained to her abt her pastor's sexual advances nd abuse. As a single mum its hard raizin my child alone. Iv got a job as a bk up singr in a christian orenited music studio bt am been threanted with sexual advances by the boss who is married nd happens to be an elite figure of christianity held in high regard. With his expressions nd desires to know me i told him of myslf nd my status then he strted showin sexual interest towards me nd at the same time makin me beliv that its sheer favour he allows me a space as a singer in his studio dat on a normal ground am not needed. He made me to understand this nd i was gratful he considered me nd calls me for jobs. Now he threathens my only source of livlyhood nd he abuse my body to satisfy his urges nd some times restort to rape i cnt loose my job or i wont be able to care for my child the damage to my person is infecting. I refused futher abuse from him now he wants to take my job from me. Even the roof over my head is threathened. All i want is to hurt him bk nd cause him the pain his caused tell his wife nd expose the beast beneath his cool cover. How can i do this?

    1. Dear Anon, I'm so sorry for your pain and the terrible time you're going through. What you really need is someone to unburden yourself to, and I believe your relief has started as you shared this story with us. Do not dwell too much about hurting this man, telling his wife may not even hurt this man, and may hurt her more, but she does need to know.

      Start looking for another job, and then expose him by simply telling as many people as you know, at your church, at the studio. Since there is rape involved, you can also involve the police and Project Alert if you're in Lagos.

      21, Akinsanya Street, Off Isheri Road, Taiwo Bus stop (Behind FRSC) Ojodu - Berger, P.O.Box 15456, Ikeja, Lagos, Nigeria, 08052004698; 08180091072


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