Thursday, July 25, 2013

Standing By Your Cheating Man - The Anthony Weiner and Huma Abedin Story

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Former U.S. congressman, Anthony Weiner first admitted in June 2011 that he sent explicit photos of his "weiner" to women he had met online, and he was sexting them too. He apologized to the public for earlier denying the reports and said he was seeking treatment for sex addiction. He resigned from congress weeks later. His wife, Huma Abedin, did not appear beside him while he did the media rounds with his apology, neither did she make any statement, but she stayed with him.

It later turned out that she was pregnant, and the couple had a son in December of that same year.

For those who may not know, Huma Abedin worked for former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton for almost a decade. Could it be that she had learned from Hillary's style of dealing with cheating husbands? I call it the forgive and forget style, some call it power is more important than dignity.

Anyway, the story continues. Earlier this year, Anthony Weiner, with his wife and son beside him announced he was going to run for New York Mayor. His chances were looking good.

However, on Tuesday, news broke again that Anthony Weiner did not stop his sexting with women he meets online. Under an alias, Carlos Danger, he had been sexting another women as late as August 2012. Again, he came out to 'sorta' apologize and clear his name. This time Huma Abedin was right beside him, and she wasn't only smiling, but talking up her cheating husband too.

""Our marriage, like many others has had its ups and its downs," she said. "It took a lot of work and whole lot of therapy to get to a place where I could forgive Anthony."

Abedin noted that the decision to stay married to Weiner was her own. "It was not an easy choice in any way, but I made the decision that it was worth staying in this marriage," she said. "That was a decision I made for me, for our son, and for our family."

Abedin added that the situation is "between us and our marriage," saying that "we discussed all this before Anthony decided he would run for mayor."

She reiterated that she will continue to stand behind him as the mayoral race progresses. "I love him, I have forgiven him, I believe in him and, as we have said since the beginning, we are moving forward," she said. [HuffPo]

I have written before about men in power who cheat and the women who chose to remain with them here about Arnold Schwarzenegger. That aspect is also at the back of my mind as I watched Scandal and observed the reactions and actions of Mellie as regards her husband, the president's affair with Olivia Pope.

Using the Anthony Weiner-Huma Abedin scenario, these are reasons some women choose to stay in a marriage or with a man who is a serial cheater.

1. The man is a 'catch' and they like that they look good to others and can appear on the pages of magazines

2. There is a child/ren involved

3. Either they've spent a lot of money on the guy, or the guy continues to spend a lot on them

4. Their marriage is a business arrangement to a large extent 

5. They think about the sweet early years of their relationship

6. They are very ambitious and the marriage is a means to an end - most times a high position in society

None of these reasons is invalid, it is the choice of the woman involved to make them with her eyes wide open. The worst mistake one can make is try to lie to yourself. In an earlier article published at the beginning of her husband's mayoral race, Huma Abedin wrote;

"Three years ago I was a single workaholic, traveling the globe with an amazing job at the U.S. State Department. I could not have imagined how much my life would change in three short years.
"Today I'm married, with a feisty 20-month-old son, a full-time job, and a husband running for mayor of New York."
"So why am I doing this? Because Anthony has always been a smart, caring, and dedicated person, and while he's the same public servant who wants what's best for the people he represents, he is now something else -- a better man.
"New Yorkers will have to decide for themselves whether or not to give him a second chance. I had to make that same decision for myself, for my son, for our family. And I know in my heart that I made the right one." [Harper's Bazaar]

I remember reading one of Hillary Clinton's memoirs - she's a role model for me - and how she wrote about the events surrounding the Bill Clinton and Monica Lewinsky scandal. It give me some insight about how some married women deal with infidelity that has stayed with me till today.

Though I won't say I personally agree with staying with a cheater, I know it's possible the person could truly repent and the couple rebuild broken trust. What I cannot imagine is living a lie with a serial cheater.


  1. If he's truly repentant and changes, I might consider forgiving him. It won't be easy though.

  2. It's never easy to rebuild broken trust, but possible. In this case I think the wife is just power hungry. She is a Muslim so it's not like her religion frowns on divorce, this man will not change.

    1. how do you know she is power hungry unless you can read her mind.

  3. Myne, for the past two nights, Anderson Cooper and Piers Morgan have been carrying this story. On Tuesday night it was her speech with him by her side and yesterday night it was a reaction to her speech. The panelists including Star Jones all agreed that she's staying with him for the power. If he wins she will be the Mayor's wife.

    If he doesn't step down he won't win. True, with Mrs. Clinton as her mentor I bet she will be telling her to stick to her man.

    This man won't change. He looks like a freak, like someone who likes kinky sex and his wife doesn't look the type.

    1. Are people's sexual choices written on their face? How did you come to the conclusion about this man's likeness of kinky sex?

  4. I read somewhere that people were upset she did not divorce her husband. It's her choice to stay and it's her life to live.

    He would be a great candidate for the show, Iyanla Fix My Life.

    1. exacto, it is her choice. I am all about freedom of choice. Why are people upset because a wife didn't divorce her man for indiscretions? I don't know where that golden rule is written.


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