Tuesday, July 9, 2013

8 Signs You're Dating An Abusive Man

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Project Alert on Violence Against Women is an organization that promotes and protects the rights of women and young girls and renders practical support to female victims of violence. The Programme Assistant on Social Media Advocacy with Project alert sent these tips to Stella Dimorkorkus on how to know when you're with an abusive partner. It may be directed to women, but I think men can learn from it too.

Stella's blog has been publishing accounts of women who have experienced any form of domestic violence, which is quite commendable. One of the goals of Project Alert is to educate as many women as possible about all forms of domestic violence especially young women that are yet to get married so that they can make better choices. According to them, prevention is always the best approach. Below is an article to guide young ladies on abusive relationships.


If the man you are dating displays any of the attributes below then you need to beware.

The Jealous Controller in Chief:  He always wants to know who you are talking to, calls you every time to know where you are, who you are with and what you are doing. Suspects you of flirting any time he sees you with a man including your boss and insists on following you everywhere you go. He constantly checks your call history, text messages, BBM chats, Facebook chats and inbox, twitter conversations, emails or website history and visits you at home and work unexpectedly.

The Heavy Weight Champion: He has past records of battering past girlfriends, beating up women at work or on the streets and tells you it was the victim’s fault. He fights with anyone at anywhere at the slightest provocation and can remove his clothes to fight with a bus conductor over change. He has past records of rape and enjoys viewing child pornography like having sexy pictures of children in his phone or viewing videos of adults performing sexual acts on children.

The Professional Blamer: He never takes responsibility for his problems and blames other people and you for his own mistakes. He may make statements like, “you made me angry,” “it was all your fault,” “I lost this opportunity because of you.” In his world, it is always everybody’s fault but him.

The Lonely soul: He gets angry when you spend time with your friends and family and gives you reasons to stay away from other people but him. He changes your SIM card, deletes every contact of your family and friends and tells you who to associate with. He will rather you stay at home than work so that men won’t look at you and ladies won’t corrupt you. He prevents you from joining groups, professional bodies and attending any social gathering alone.

The Boiling Stew: He always feels insulted and blows things out of proportion. When he’s angry, he breaks things around him. He can be charming and sweet one minute and angry and explosive the next minute. During an argument or disagreement he may hold you down, restrain you from leaving the room, push you, shove you, or hold you against a wall.

The Stinging Talker:  He constantly criticizes you or says cruel things to you and about you. He curses at you and calls you ugly names. He uses vulnerable points about your past/life against you and puts down your accomplishments.  He puts you down in front of others as well. He makes you see yourself as stupid, not good enough, not beautiful and lowers your self esteem.

The Perfect Perfectionist: He has unrealistic expectations and expects you to be perfect. He has an imaginary world in his mind with a stipulated role he expects you play and never satisfied by what you do. He makes you feel like you can never do anything right for him.

The Sober Militant: He uses threats, black mail or physical force to control you. He may use words like, “I’ll kill you”, “I’ll beat you,” “I’ll break your neck”, “If you ever leave, I’ll kill you,” but then dismisses it with "I really didn't mean it." He uses force to get you to obey him and keep you committed to him.

Ladies, you can use make up to hide your scars but it will never hide your pain. Stop making excuses for him and call off that relationship now. Abuse doesn’t stop after your wedding day; it gets worse and affects your children.

Project Alert is a non-governmental human rights organization established in 1999 to protect and promote the rights of women and young girls in the society, especially their rights to live free from all forms of violence against them. Our areas of intervention are Research and Documentation (R&D), Human Rights Education (HRE) and Support Services Program (SSP) which includes legal aid, temporary shelter services for abused women, counselling, and skills acquisition training. www.projectalertnig.org follow us on twitter @Projectalertvaw and connect with us on Facebook: Project Alert on violence against women.


  1. Highly energetic article, I loved that a lot. Will there be a
    part 2?

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  2. Great post. Some are obvious. Others not so much.

  3. Awe-inspiring bequest! Your blog is attention-grabbing. I feel affection for it.

  4. just dis morning i was abused by my husband for the very 1st time....i didnt see it coming and he does nt av any of the signs up there. he is or was i dont knw what to think right now... am still in shock,hes a loving husband until of late, bt i didnt let him get away with it i used a pressing iron on him thats when he let me go....of late he keeps late nights getting back home in the morning just when am about leaving for work and i do av a 3months old baby right now.... its still a very young marriage and am at a loss, confused on what to do right now

    1. Anon, Please contact Project Alert and if possible go to their offices for counselling.

  5. Nice post and inspiring. Sometimes in Dec, 2012, I had a heated argument with my then "boyfriend" which resulted into physical abuse (he pushed me to the ground where i fainted and by the time i came back was gasping for breathe cause am asthmatic). We did settled and forge the relationship on but it never left my thought. We planned settling down together this Dec, but the thought of what he did then has never left me as we constantly argue and quarrel ever since. Just last week i decided to take a break from the relationship cause I had put a whole lots into consideration. He is a great lover, faithful,devoted xtain no doubt BUT extremely possessive and am scared he might hurt me in the nearest future if we let lose of our calm.

  6. This is a good classification of many types of abusers. There is a great TED talk by a man who reminds this that this is a man's issue...we often say, "Why did she stay..." The real question is why does he act this way and treat people this way? https://www.ted.com/talks/jackson_katz_violence_against_women_it_s_a_men_s_issue?language=en Watch this wonderful video. Also, I'm writing a series of posts about the real men in the dating pool and the blog posts are titled "Fifty Shades of Rey." Numbers 5-7 are abusive to some degree. http://www.fiftyshadesofrey.org/#!Fifty-Shades-of-Rey5-6-Real-Estate-Agent-and-a-Stockbroker/rhfdw/568e8e570cf29139531eac03


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