Tuesday, June 11, 2013

Is Marriage the only valid outcome of a Relationship?

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Lola Omotayo, Peter Okoye's romantic partner and mother of his two children, recently granted an interview where she spoke about her relationship with him, and how it has been dating one half of one the music group for years now. After the interview, there was a storm of comments on blogs and social media, with a lot of people insisting she was making a mistake by not insisting on a ring.

She defended her decisions and said she was happy, as was Peter, and their decision to have their family without a marriage was a joint one. She tweeted as follows;

Of course more flack followed. But Lola has made her choice, which is very valid, and being an adult, she is totally within her rights to do that.

I personally do not think all relationships should end in marriage, and have said before - in the post referencing IKOsakioduwa's tips for women wanting to get married - that I've had relationships that I knew I didn't want to lead to marriage. However, where children are involved, I will definitely advocate for marriage.

What do you think? Will mutual understanding and love suffice for a long term relationship with children, or is marriage the best option?


  1. To be honest... its easier to impose my personal values but I understand we all have our varied opinions, ideologies and also governed by different principles and motives.

    So each their own jor. They are both grown adults.

  2. If she doesn't want the ring no problem. However, since she thought of having children, she should have considered the ring for the children's sake. As far as am concerned, she is very very self centred and selfish by giving birth to those children out of wedlock. I cant imagine what they will think when they know their parents deliberately gave birth to them out of wedlock.

    Personal opinion or "it's my life" applies only it if it's just you and you alone. Shikenah.

  3. Personally, the "it's my life" phrase is selfish and myopic. no matter how much we try to fight it, everyone on earth is connected somehow and every decision we make affects someone somewhere in one way or another. I'm not going to go into the specifics of how that works.

    On the issue at hand, we have forgotten that marriage is the basis/ reason relationships started off in the first place. Not all relationships must lead to marriage but when two people have been together for a long time or have children together, it is expected that they make it official through marriage. I admire her spirit for not wanting to give into a certain stereotype or allow people to detect her life but if she's honest with herself, Peter putting a ring on it is simply the right thing to do.

    1. Exercising your right to make your choice is selfish and myopic!
      That's about the dumbest thing I've ever heard

  4. Thanks for this post. They say, It is her liffe, let us just wish her the best and move on. But what of the children?

  5. It's not the only outcome, but if you want protection under the law it is the best outcome.

    We have seen nasty situations where a woman who did not have the protection of marriage was driven from the home by family members upon the death of her partner. If one of them should get sick, all formal decision making would go back to the family of the sick party and the other cohabiting partner would have no say in it. It is wise for a woman who has had children with a man to seek for marriage, so that she will have legal protection for herself and children should anything unsavory happen down the road.

    If marriage is not something that either party wants, then let them draft legal documents outlining how things would go should a grave illness or death arise.

  6. My first question when I read this was...where does she live? As long as its not Nigeria then cool. As per the kids, calling a kid bastard is so 80's. Full you if you are the adult/outsider thinking that.
    As long as the father's name is on papers, as long as he has accepted them publicly-even if he doesn't,dna tests will resolve that- the law is binding on him to care for Mama and them
    with celebrity marriages what they are now, I don't blame the Lola. I would prefer marriage but let her do what her heart can withstand.

  7. The devil totally hates the idea of marriage that is why he promotes such thoughts..
    nobody is talking about fornication anymore.. its all part of the moral decadence.. call me PURIT and I will answer

  8. Me oh, I believe this is totally a case of "e concern you". Pple shld leave her joo. No be her life, her children. Nobody can claim to love her and her kids more than she does, so abeg

  9. Its because she can't get marriage from peter and she decided to have what is available.There is no African woman that do not want to be legally married to the father of our kids.She should ask the ladies that had kids for Tuface how painful it is when he eventually married Anny Macauly.She is just living in fools paradise.

  10. Maarriage... if not for love but for the unequivocal protection (whether legal or cultural) it provides for the children.

  11. Marriage does not guarantee longevity of a relationship, children or no. Commitment does that and you can be committed without papers. However, I do take on board your points about children. Their interests need to be protected and the way laws are set p, they really favour unions in which there are 'proper' spouses.


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