Thursday, May 16, 2013

Toke Makinwa on Relationships Rules By Oprah and Dr Phil

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Toke Makinwa {read 10 Things you didn't know about Toke here} shares another video in which she discusses rules on relationships and whether they should apply. It seems like when she first saw these particular rules from Oprah and Dr. Phil, she took them as gospel, but she has since matured to understand that any relationship rule should be more like a guideline and shouldn't be used to monitor a particular relationship that one is in at any point in time.

I wanted to share this video because someone mentioned in the post about non-verbal signs that a guy really loves you {here}, that a lot of the clues seem stereotypical, and that is because they are. Relationship rules are not structures to box you in, but windows to help you see what could be outside or glasses to help you see what you might be missing. And in the case of 10 Things, or 25 Tips, or 7 ways or whatever, you don't have to do all, or use all, or find all, just enough to make you happy.

The article which Toke reads in the video and which is supposed to be Oprah's thoughts on men and relationships is below as well as a short paragraph at the end by Dr. Phil.

If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away. If he doesn’t want you, nothing can make him stay. Stop making excuses for a man and his behavior. Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache.

Stop trying to change yourself for a relationship that’s not meant to be. Slower is better. Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly happy. If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you deserve then heck no, you can’t “be friends”. A friend wouldn’t mistreat a friend.

Don’t settle. If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is. Don’t stay because you think “it will get better.” You’ll be mad at yourself a year later for staying when things are not better. The only person you can control in a relationship is you. Avoid men who have a bunch of children by a bunch of different women. He didn’t marry them when he got them pregnant, why would he treat you any differently? Always have your own set of friends separate from his. Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you. If something bothers you, speak up. Never let a man know everything. He will use it against you later.

You cannot change a man’s behavior. Change comes from within. Don’t EVER make him feel he is more important than you are. Even if he has has more education or in a better job. Do not make him into a quasi-god. He is a man, nothing more nothing less.

Never let a man define who you are. Never borrow someone else’s man. If he cheated with you, he’ll cheat on you. A man will only treat you the way you ALLOW him to treat you. All men are NOT dogs.

You should not be the one doing all the bending… Compromise is two way street. You need time to heal between relationships. There is nothing cute about baggage… Deal with your issues before pursuing a new
relationship. You should never look for someone to COMPLETE you. A relationship consists of two WHOLE individuals. Look for someone complimentary…not supplementary.

Dating is fun… Even if he doesn’t turn out to be Mr. Right. Make him miss you sometimes… When a man always know where you are, and you’re always readily available to him ~ he takes it for granted. Never move into his mother’s house. Never co-sign for a man. Don’t fully commit to a man who doesn’t give you everything that you need. Keep him in your radar but get to know others.

Scared of being alone is what makes a lot of women stay in relationships that are abusive or hurtful: Dr. Phil says… You should know that: You’re the best thing that could ever happen to anyone and if a man mistreats you, he’ll miss out on a good thing. If he was attracted to you in the 1st place, just know that he’s not the only one. They’re all watching you, so you have a lot of choices. Make the right one. Ladies take care of your own hearts.

And BTW, while I don't know about the part in bold by Dr Phil, Snopes is of the opinion that the part supposed to be by Oprah may not be by her after all. Read their post here.

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