Friday, May 17, 2013

Some Reasons Why Long Marriages End

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Have you ever wondered why so many long-married couples decide to split? I know I have. I want to know how these people in these marriages can be so happy together for so long, and then one day they say they're done. I would have thought that after 25, 30 years most couples can be assured of till death? After all, what new thing will you find out about each other to totally upset the apple cart? An affair? A crime?

According to Dr. Pepper Swatchz, the reasons are not always very dramatic in most cases. He writes for the AARP;

Some relationships have been in decline for decades and finally lose all their juice. A marriage doesn't usually just blow up. It's more like a balloon that has been seeping air for a long time. After a while, it's totally deflated.

Another possibility is that a couple's issues intensify. Most problems are manageable, but then something sends them into hyperdrive. It could be a change in jobs, health, children's lives, personal ambitions or any number of other triggers. Whatever balance had been achieved is undermined, and with it the ability to handle the issue and still have a decent marriage.

Of course, we've all heard the familiar phrase, "We grew apart." But just because it's a cliché doesn't mean it's not a common cause of divorce or separation among long-time married couples. A typical scenario is where a husband and wife live increasingly different lives: He gets more and more into his work, she gets more and more into her children, her adult children, her grandchildren. Or she gets ambitious and he wants to relax, cut down, travel, and play golf.

Lack of communication and loss of trust are also issues that seriously undermine a marriage. I suspect that it wasn’t so much an affair that sent Maria Shriver heading for the door, but more the fact that her husband had deceived her for so long. On top of that, she is dealing with public humiliation — as well as the destabilizing presence of a child. It is a rare relationship, of any length, that could face these factors and continue on.

Fortunately, the overwhelming majority of marriages are not presented with such mega challenges. Still, plenty of breakups occur after a relationship of many years. Although some people are able to negotiate the inevitable bumps in the road, for others those bumps turn into a sinkhole — something that they cannot seem to climb out of. Sadly, and often with great affection for each other, the couple say "enough."

1 comment:

  1. Dr Swatchz is right mostly...but I'll also add 'opportunity meets readiness'. After 25yrs the kids re finally out of their lives, married and living their own lives. Without their distraction, the true states of most relationships re revealed. Are we strangers who cannot bear to spend an hr in each others company? Then one of them meets somebody new and you realise that forever with your old partner is nothing to look forward to.


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