Thursday, May 30, 2013

Not A Groupie - A Sweet Short Story

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I was just standing there on the side lines waiting for the actual doors to open up for this so called concert Bisola dragged me to. I was never into Nigerian music too much, just the occasional popular ones that I’d randomly see tweets about. Every now and then, I get curious enough to google the current slangs and it almost always ends up being from a Nigerian song.

Anyways my cousin Bisola was a huge fan of this up and coming artist who was coming to Houston for a concert and she had been begging me to come with her for the past 2 weeks. I finally budged and said yes last weekend, little did I know that my yes came with a lot of conditions. She wanted to dress me up, fix up my hair and makeup because apparently Nigerian people do not wear comfortable dresses to concerts; instead they opted for high heels, tight dresses and makeup they would sweat off eventually. It didn’t make sense to me because I would have worn something much more comfortable; but I just let her have her way mostly because I knew it was a fight I wasn’t going to win.

We get to the concert and we had to wait for almost an hour for this so called artist to arrive because Bisola wanted to be front and center to the whole show of his arrival. I was happy that the concert might start on time because I had heard that Nigerian artists were very unprofessional when it comes to time management. We are standing in the front of the crowd when a black Suv pulls up and the screaming began.

I am just rolling my eyes because this is just groupie behavior added to the fact that my heels are hurting my legs from standing; I honestly just want to get in and sit. He comes out of the car and I stare for a little while just to get a look at him, to see what all the fuss was about, I mean how does someone whose real name is Shayo Aderoju name himself Stilt? Like where did he come up with such a name? He hops out of the van and he is wearing sunglasses just like every silly male artist does. I’m not so sure who made it cool to wear sunglasses in the night but that person needs to be hung with masking tape from Kilimanjaro Mountain.

He starts walking towards the door and all I hear is screaming and just basically just noise. He’s signing autographs and posing to take pictures and I am just getting impatient. A walk from the car that should have taken about 45 seconds ended up taking like 5 minutes because this so called artist wants to relate to his fans and all this while I am just getting more and more annoyed. He takes off his glasses for more pictures and I am looking at him, because there is obviously nothing else to do and he catches my eye. I quickly look away because I was caught off guard and I look up and he is walking towards me.

“You should give me your number” he whispers to me. I look at Bisola and she looks like she just missed the rapture, like that confused look when something is happening, you don’t understand it but you don’t believe it as well.

“That’s not very polite now is it” I hear myself say. It’s not like I am not shocked, No celebrity has ever asked me for my number but I am not flattered either because it could have been any girl and I am certain he’s just looking for groupie for his short stay.

“Please can I have your number? What’s your name?”

“Fife and no, sorry I’d rather not give you my number. I’m not really the groupie type” I smile but it’s one of these smiles you get right before someone shoots you in the head.

He just stares at me and was about to speak when oversabi Bisola says “6-4-6-5-3-2-6-8-9-1, that’s her number.”

As I am about to start yelling at Bisola while praying at the same time that he doesn’t remember the number she just spat out, I hear him say “I want her to give it to me if she wants to” he looks at Bisola while speaking to her and then looks back at me.

Bisola nudges me and gave me that you better give him your number or I will kill you and feed you to dogs look.

“Fine my number is 6465326891.”

“Thanks, I’ll call you” flashes the smile again and walks away.

Bisola is screaming so loud and for whatever reason it makes me more annoyed. I roll my eyes once more; please someone let us into this gaddamn concert hall.

Ten minutes after we are allowed into the hall, I get a phone call.

“Hey it’s Shayo”
“Oh, hi. I didn’t think you’d call like now”
“Yea the show doesn’t start for another 45 minutes so maybe you can come to the back and we can just talk?”
“Ummm I don’t know about that.”
“Why not?” he sounds shocked
In my mind I’m thinking this boy must be out of his mind, who does he think he is that when he tells me to come backstage I’ll just run?
“I think I mentioned that I wasn’t a groupie so maybe I’ll see you later, after the concert” I emphasized.

“Ohh’” he laughs softly “hmm Fife you’re an interesting person but sure I understand” he laughs “can I see you tomorrow?”

“We can talk about that later? You should be getting ready for this concert we have paid $40 each for.”

He laughs really loud and says “Oh my, you are definitely an interesting woman but yes I will go rehearse one more time just cos you told me to.”

That actually made me laugh because I found myself laughing at that. “Sure, I’ll talk to you later.”

The concert went surprisingly well, I didn’t know all the songs so I couldn’t really sing along but most of the songs were actually great. After the concert, Bisola is like raving about the concert and this new guy whom she gave her number to.

“Hmm I can’t believe he asked you for your number, you owe me oh cos I’m the one who brought you to this party.”
“Lol, but that’s if he calls. For all I know he’s probably here for just the weekend and is just hoping to have sex.”

“That’s all you think all artists are about sha, sex sex sex. Stop it jo.”

“Sure but you’ll see that I am right.”


The next morning, I woke up to 3 missed calls, one voice message and 6 text messages. The 3 missed calls were from my mother and obviously the voice message was from her.
Bisola: “Yo, wake up jo. Did he text or call yet?”
Bisola: “Dude why are you still sleeping?”
Bisola: “Better don’t be hiding jist from me sha. Call me when you wake up”
Dayo: “hey beautiful”
+1 (646) 455-6949: Hey, It’s Shayo. Would you like to meet up for breakfast?”
+1(646) 455-6949: Good morning btw J

Who to even reply first, I don’t want to call my mother sha because I have not mailed her the earrings she left last time she was here and she has been actively reminding me.

Dayo is my current guy toy; No need to respond yet.

Bisola “Hey, just waking up, I’ll call you to jist you as soon as there is any gist.”

+1 (646) 455-6949: Hey breakfast sounds good?”

I jump in the shower while still texting and one thing leads to another we agree to do breakfast at this lunch café by my house.

As much as I have all these thoughts of how I will tell him to fuck off if he ever comes on to me, I still agree to breakfast to satisfy my curiosity. He picked me up by himself which was cool and breakfast was awesome because we just talked and talked and talked some more. After breakfast we went for walk since the weather was nice and went shopping together.

“Umm if I pick something out, you’re not going to offer to pay for it right?”
“Well I could but I know that would offend you so I’ll just stand on the side quietly while you pay”
“You’re so silly, but yea please do that.”

We shopped and talked and talked and ended up spending so much time together that day that it spilled into a late lunch. We had lunch and he walked me home. He was leaving in 2 days after that so he wanted to hang out before then. I agreed.

“Really, you guys are hanging out again? Do you like him cos if not please abeg hook a sister up.”

I had not really thought about if I liked him or not, I mean I just met the guy and we just hung out for the first time. I didn’t want to start overthinking anything that had transpired between us especially since he was only here for 2 more days.

“Nah, he seems like a nice guy but not interested. You should come to dinner tomorrow jare. He wants to hang out after work.”

“Oh nice, I’ll come now. You’re sure I won’t be the third wheel?”

I start laughing “I’m sure with your big crush on him, if you guys get along ill end up being the third wheel”
“Ok oh, just text me the details.”

Bisola came to dinner with us on Monday night and they hit it off, I mean she has this big crush on him so that obviously played a big role but it felt awesome knowing that he was beginning to feel her as well. Throughout the night, I started thinking, well maybe I do have a slight crush on him, and I mean he’s a gentleman who has not let the celebrity status get to his head from the little I know of him. I should give him a chance.

“I take you Shayo as my lawfully wedded husband, to love and care for you as long as we both shall live. For better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health. And forsaking all others to be faithful only to you as long as we both shall live.”


  1. very interesting story. so they married.

  2. Myne, where is the throwback Thursday photo?

  3. Wat happened myne. Did they eventually date? Did he come back for her? Did he get to like bisola? Pls wat happened?

  4. "That actually made me laugh because I found myself laughing at that." --- ?

    Lol, there were some funny moments there but the writer definitely has plenty room for improvement


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