Thursday, May 23, 2013

9 Steps To Empowering Yourself As A Woman

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For most of us women, we have to struggle to discover ourselves and who we are in our personal circles and in society as a whole. Some books want us to act like ladies while thinking like men, others want us to be B*tches in order to get ahead. But at the end of the day, we are women and we just want to be ourselves. No shoes are as comfortable as the ones we choose for ourselves.

But we also realize that the odds are stacked against us. The road we have to walk has already been laid before us, and it is booby-trapped with landmines. We are sometimes brought up to be seen and not heard, to walk two steps behind our fathers and brothers, and even as adults those habits refuse to die, even as we begin to confront sexism and discrimination in the school, workplace and sometimes among friends and in our relationships and homes.

So for someone who wants to be a better woman and make the world an easier, more friendly place for yourself and other women, what are you to do? You simply need to build on your own self esteem, refuse to be jerked around by other women and men ahead of you, and instead of transferring the aggression to the women around or behind you, you empower yourself.

WikiHow lists some new habits and things you can do to help build your self esteem as a strong woman.

1. Identify your femaleness.
Find that part of you that makes you a special female specifically. Do you have pretty eyes? A lyrical voice? Flowing hair? Find something that you can look at your feminine side and say now that is something woman about me. It doesn't have to be an appearance characteristic, but definitely something men just can't pull off like you do.

2. Find a strong woman you believe in.
Emulate her. Look to Audrey Hepburn, Mother Teresa, Hillary Clinton, your mother, your best friend's big sister, anyone! Find a woman you appreciate. Next time you need to be strong think to yourself, "What would (insert name) do?"

3. Cut out all the drama.
It can be hard but confident strong women don't appreciate gossip and over the top emotional situations. You can be a tender, emotional, easily moved woman. That does not mean you need to talk about other people's business. When gossip comes up in conversation think classy and don't contribute.

4. Start talking to people and be proud of what you have to say.
Confidence is key. It can be very difficult when you are a reserved woman, but speaking up changes everything. Make conversation with strangers (in an appropriate, non-threatening manner) and stay involved in current events and newsworthy topics to help make wise up-to-date chit chat. When speaking to those you already know speak more than you usually do, but give people a chance to speak about themselves as well. (No one likes to do anything more than talk about themselves and taking that away is dangerous.) Remember to be proud, patient, pensive when speaking. You don't want to come off as cheeky or boastful so thoroughly thinking through your statements can be helpful.

5. Kiss the past goodbye.
If you're doing an internal make over than wiping your past clean can be a great mental break. Take a step back and think to yourself, "I woke up this morning a powerful female. I'm staying that way no matter what comes my way, and anything I did yesterday can just melt away. I'm not doing that again." And if your past ever does come back to bite you, supply an apology from a place of both humility and strength. If you feel the need to let these people know you're moving on tell them so. They may not agree and the band-aid formed may not hold, but you will be happier internally if you stay strong, don't lash out, and keep your cool.

6. Keep your convictions.
Don't run from fights. Wanting to avoid conflict is a natural reaction to any issue, but fleeing from it doesn't always help. Speak what's on your mind in a civil manner, even if you're opponent is not being as lady-like. Tell them why you believe you are correct, justify that statement, and give them an opportunity to speak openly. If you discover you are correct and they lay down walk away empowered, but be gracious about your victory. If you discover you were wrong in your beliefs politely explain what you were wrong about, apologize if necessary, and walk away guilt free. (Over apologizing can be painful, so be calm and remain strong.) If you come to a dead tie that remains unresolved: drop it. If it's brought back up, handle it. But don't go searching for an issue.

7. Admit your flaws. Be open and content with things you are not good at, laugh about photos of yourself you find unflattering, and smile about positions you did not achieve/ contests you did not win etc. Be content not being perfect. Women who try to be exempt from flaws crumble faster than those with too many to count.

8. Be happy having enemies.
From a young age everyone must learn that some people just won't like you. Once you know you are disliked by someone (whether it was provoked or not) understand that and know they aren't worth your time. Don't force a friendship to happen, it will do more harm than good.

9. Handle insults and compliments with grace.
Take every comment made about you as lightly as possible. Appreciate flattering statements with a simple un-exaggerated "thank you" and ignore not so flattering comments.


  1. Thanks Myne. Someone just came to my mind now. She'll find this useful.


  3. Thank you so much for #9. I personally don't like having enemies so I tend to try and smoothen things up all the time, and yes, it does backfire sometimes or makes me look desperate.


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