Monday, April 22, 2013

Different Seasons of Marriage - A Nigerian Perspective

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By Yetty Williams

Most people are aware of and have all read about the seasons of marriage and many times it is linked to the seasons of Spring, Summer, Fall and Winter. The different seasons have their different characteristics and it is helpful to know what season you are currently going through in your marriage to determine what you need to do to maintain the season, get out of it or improve the outcome of the season.

Generally speaking we can agree on some common factors which are that Spring means a season of fresh or new love, eyes are starry and there is such promise for the future and love (perhaps more idealistic than realistic) is at the height. Summer is when your love is comfortable and relaxed, perhaps even heating up. Everyone is happy in the summer and you are generally in a happy place.

Fall will be when your love needs some tending so that all the branches don’t fall off in true “Fall” fashion. It can be beautiful in some parks during the fall when all the various hues of leaves have fallen on a pile, kids particularly like to kick and play in the fallen leaves. So even in fall there can be some enjoyment of the season. Lastly in the winter season the marriage can get chilly, but also if tended you can enjoy lots of cuddling moments to keep yourself warm. It doesn’t have to be an icy time.


Spring can be when you are starting out, summer when you are glowing and comfortable, perhaps now with children, fall can be when kids are leaving the house and you are left with your spouse, winter is when you are old, children out of the house and you look forward to welcoming your grandchildren to the house.

Now what about marriage seasons in the true Nigerian fashion? Since there are lots of references to the seasons of marriage how do we categorize the seasons of the Nigerian marriage? We have wet and dry seasons period! So let us bring this home so we can relate – not everyone has necessarily experienced the seasons for themselves (apart from imaginations or hearing and reading about what the seasons are like). What we have are Wet and Dry seasons.

Wet season is when we have rain, rain and more rain, we also suffer flooding on the streets and depending on where you live or the severity of the rain you can possibly face flooding in your compound and maybe even in your house. There are lots of mosquitoes during the rainy season. During the rainy season your crops also grow quite easily, there is no need for artificial irrigation as the plants and flowers get all the rain they need. Our dams are also full of water and this means we have PHCN releasing more KWH (or we hope so)! The rainy season does bring some challenges, children can be more susceptible to colds, rain causes dust particles to float into the air causing respiratory issues, old trees can be uprooted during heavy downpours, gutters can get overflown causing pedestrians and cars to fall into ditches and stagnant water in gutters leads to breeding grounds of mosquitoes.

So how does this relate to your marriage? Rain and floods can represent torrents of love or torrents of drama. This can represent a time in your marriage when you are having loads of love, growth, development, nurturing of your marriage resulting in happiness to both spouses and your families as a result. However if you are not in a good place in your marriage either because of various challenges such as financial, raising children, drawing apart this can be a challenging time for the marriage as it can be matched by a seeming “torrent” of problems from several directions. As they say when it rains it pours. If you do not manage this season properly and tend your marriage you can have weeds and lots of mosquitoes in your life. Your goal during the Wet season of your marriage should be to get an umbrella and shield yourself from the rain, do not allow stagnation, which breeds multiple unsavory conditions. Be sure to have tending at the high point and enjoy the benefits of good torrents!

Dry season usually accompanied with harmattan is signified by lack of rain, harsh weather (dry lips, dry skin, dry hair), increase in fog levels, increase in dust levels. On the other side, it is nice and cool and a respite from the heat of the sun. If not managed properly and there is exposure there can be increases in dust related ailments such as catarrahs or asthma. There is an increased need for constant moisturizing to combat dry skin, brittle hair and chapped lips.

For your marriage, the dry season means exactly that it can be dry! Brittle and fuzzy, think of a very foggy day blurring your eye sight. This is a season for you to put more effort in tending your marriage; you need to keep it well moisturized. It can represent a cool time for your marriage – this cooling down can be good and bad, it can be good cooling down from the heat of arguments and challenges it can also be the cooling down in the love, which is not necessarily healthy for the physical and emotional needs of the marriage.

Bottom line is Nigerian version of Marriage seasons is perhaps easier to manage as your marriage is either WET or DRY! Once you figure out which one you fall into at any given time you can determine what “tending” strategies you need to employ to maneuver the season.

So no matter the weather make sure you tend, moisturize, nurture, protect, pray and Love!

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Yetty Williams enjoys writing about general issues and parenting. She is the founder of LagosMums.com an online parenting site. She will be a regular guest blogger here on RML.



7 comments:

  1. Real seasons of Marriage. I think I have experienced all them seasons.

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  2. Great blog Yetty, I love Lagosmums site too. Well done :)

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  3. Nice write up, Yetty! I just started reading a book "The Four Seasons of Marriage" by Gary Chapman....very insightful.

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  4. Nice write up. I never thought of marriage like that and so great to hear this perspective.

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  5. I love the picture

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  6. very nice...how do i share this on my blog?

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