Thursday, April 11, 2013

Dear Myne - My Husband Has Refused Divorce or Child Support

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I will really appreciate it if this is published because I strongly need advice from those in Nigeria on steps to take and how well to get a divorce and child support from my so called husband. Pls I will like you to also inform me when this will be published so I can follow it up on the blog because I usually read you in my email.

People get married and live happily ever after but mine (marriage) is different and nothing to write home about. I have husband that is not ready to relate with members of my family most especially my mum, the reason which I couldn’t find answers to. The only reason he has given so far is that my mum is a Muslim, this he knows quite ok before we got married.

We got married in 2007, he was & has been never faithful since then. He sleeps out often, intact he slept out a day after our wedding and came back the following day with no remorse. He goes to clubs comes back oozing of alcohol and the likes, he even brings home his mistresses (one of which is his colleague in the office a married woman with 3kids) when I am not @ home. He became a monster in the house and beats me often. There was an incidence that led to a serious injury on my forehead, it was stitched, infact it has left a big scar on my forehead now.

One thing led to another and I had to pack out of our matrimonial house. He came back begging and before I realized what was happening I was already pregnant. This was when I got the big shock of my life, he suddenly stops coming to see me, when I call he won’t pick my calls. I had to trail him one Saturday with my mum, cousin and a aunt that faithful day. He made us understand that he cannot live under the same roof with a pregnant woman when he’s not even sure the pregnancy belongs to him.

Throughout the pregnancy period, he shows no concern as per my welfare, even after the birth of our baby boy .My son is 2+ now and suddenly he wants to have access to him and he went as far as reporting me @ d welfare office and when he was told what to do regards child support and legal fees, he ran away and didn’t go back. He has now refused to file for a divorce or reconcile with me. I will be 38 this year.

Pls what should I do?


  1. Some men can be soo irresponsible, u should have seen these traces before saying 'YES I DO' well the deed is done. My own candid opinion is this, get on ur knees and pray to God. There's nothing prayer can't do. 2) Try and see if u can get his family to call him into order. 3) Prayerfully call him n ask what he wants, u guys should talk like adults and if that didn't work, find a good lawyer and start with the process of divorce. May God help u

  2. If u are financialy stable,forget about him and raise ur child.someday he will definately come back for u both then u will give him terms and conditions.u ve already lived 2yrs without him so wat d heck?

  3. Forget about the idiot. You're wasting your time believing that someone like him would pay child support. You'll chase him for that money for life! As for the divorce, try and raise money for a good lawyer to fight the case. That scar on your forehead cannot/should not let any person advice you to stay there. I'm sure even God will call that suicide, because he's obviously deadly. He was never ready for marriage hence he's still living a single man's life. Raise you're son to be the type of man any woman would want as a husband. Your husband (hopefully soon to be ex-husband) will regret it later in life and be ashamed of himself for the way he behaved. His family must have pressured him into marriage to see if he'd become responsible as many of them assume. You've already done 2 years, just move on! At least you've gotten a child out of it. You're not too old to remarry. Just try and get the money for a very good lawyer (not all these quack ones that'll just take your money and do nonsense in court) and you should be OK. I really dislike hearing/seeing men who are as irresponsible as he is. Having your son grow up around him will not help the boy as he'd think that is normal behaviour. Wish you all the best!!

    1. Coming to think of it, isn't it even illegal in Nigeria to batter your wife? Or is there a law there that is never followed when the need arises? Just asking. Because an animal like him should be behind bars, especially as he's left such a scar on your face. That is forever a reminder of how it happened.

  4. I think according to the NIgerian law, after a couple separates if the wife can show evidence that she can provide for her children after four years a judge will have no option than to grant a divorce even if the man refuses. Get a good lawyer to explain the procedures. Unfortunately you will have to bear the cross of caring for your kids alone. BUt dont be afraid you can do it, millions of women have been doing it and are still doing it. Which will work out in your favour eventually.

  5. Get a good lawyer and start the divorce process. Before then have a meeting with his family.
    May God see you through.

  6. hmmm...I share some of your experience. I have been married to a man for 12 years and he has never been faithful. We have four wonderful boys and I have talked,counselled,confronted, ignored, prayed & fasted for and with him..but nothing has changed. His family members are well aware, so rather than control their badly raised son, they blame me! yet they call themselves Christians. So, I decided to protect my children & I from ALL of them because I don't want that kind of life for them. Its unfortunate how some people can be so irresponsible. If he has not shown any interest in you or your child, please move on with your life...would a leopard change his skin? You didn't raise him, so please don't burden yourself with him. Pray more for yourself and your son, pray for him when you can but let him not be your priority. The Lord hates divorce we all know, but it is well permitted where there is unrepentant adultery. Its not an easy decision to make, I know..but really,ignore the sentiments and do what you have to do. I had so many advices over the years, but I got to the stage that I had to face the reality of my situation because even though in sharing things with people, you can't put everything into words. I feel you dear, the Lord is your strength. You are not the victim, he is. I didn't even bother with divorce, at least not yet...but I moved out of the house and got myself a more comfortable accommodation which I call HOME.

  7. I think according to the law when you live apart from your husband for two years you are automatically divorced. I think you should get a lawyer to explain these things to you. And move on with your life.


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