Sunday, April 7, 2013

Apart From Praying For a Husband, What Else?

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Timi Robins sent in this response to the poster who wrote in about being tired of praying for a husband. See original post and comments here. She goes;

I have been praying for so long...about 5 years now and it seems God chooses the people he wants to answer. I'm beginning to hate having to put up a smile when we have family meetings..(That's every sunday). Having to makeup and do the wedding secor for my younger friends...going to my friend's children's parties no longer funny. Not because I'm not happy for them, just like "God when will u answer me" kinda feeling. I really don't know what to pray about anymore. I'm tired in my spirit.

I want to ask this poster so many questions. Okay aside from praying, what else have you been doing to find this man you seek? Where have you been looking? Only inside the church or outside? Why? How are you been looking? What men qualify? All men? Or only men from a certain ethnic group? If yes, why? Why leave the finding of a man to prayers only / mainly?

My guess is this sort of approach to marriage due to what the church teaches, which is not a problem in itself. But then I would ask when you go shopping for clothes and stuff do you pray to God first before buying stuff, probably not, you go out and buy what you like and know will fit you. And you buy according to the size of your pocket.

So why does similar thinking not apply to the person you plan to spend your life with - you need to get a man you will like, love and one that will fit your personality. So sometimes, it requires more work than prayers only... Does the poster realize this?

So I will say, our people might very well be leaving far to much to prayer, not that this is in itself bad, but what else is the person doing to aid the prayers coming true?


  1. It is not only about praying. Look inwards and do a proper check to see if you ve been too choosy or if the starndards you have set are not practicable. It is a real world and you have to face real issues too!

    1. Too Choosy? lol...dats why most women end up with devils...women love to settle, men dont

  2. Everyone just has their own destiny. Its as simple as that. All you can really do is continue to be happy because when you're happy, the world will be happy with you and you are more likely to capture the attention of someone who will fall in love with you. When you have an unhappy disposition due to your frustrations, men will read that body language from you and they will not be drawn to you.Carry on with life as though you are expecting something wonderful to happen and watch the blessings flow into your life. It may take some time, but your blessings will come

  3. hmm comparing marriage to shopping is just ridiculous...

    1. In fact!

      They aren't same abeg.

  4. mz phatphab, Myne is not comparing marriage to shopping. She is comparing meeting a prospective suitor to shopping. If you want to buy clothes, you go to a boutique, not a restaurant. And you don't just go to any boutique, you go to one that carries the type and brand of clothes you want. It's the same with meeting people.
    In this case, it's not just enough for the writer to go to her local church (where she has probably been a member for years) if she want a christian brother, there are other christian gatherings - seminars, music fests, crusades etc. She can also join professional christian associations eg if she's a writer - christian writers club, society of christian writers etc.
    That is 'shopping'. Then prayer is given the avenue to be effective. After all, faith without works . . . .

    1. I like how if u have put it....

      Not everyone might understand Myne intentions... Urs is defo clearer...

    2. I like how Rayo Abe has explained Myne shopping analogy further. Although, marriage and shopping are two different things entirely. I personally think the idea of shopping for a partner is ludicrous. We are talking about emotions and other deeper stuffs.......

      Not everyone knows how to shop or can shop the appropriate things etc. I will stop here.

      People sha need to know having a spouse is does not determine your happiness. I think alot of us women might be desperate for the wrong reasons. I am just saying.

  5. if she *wants* a christian brother

  6. i get that, but i think finding a life partner can be dicey due to the human nature of us

  7. Well, all I can say is that life is complex and looking or waiting for a life partner is not as 'simple' as shopping! Now, as a shopaholic I know that even shopping isn't such an easy task. How much more something that determines how the rest of your life turns out. When I was in the UK, shopping was so exciting as u get to return any unwanted items usually within 28 days with their receipts and hopefully not having used them - but u find some people even returning used and worn items. That's for d customer service to handle! And electrical items have a one-year warranty meaning you can return them within 365 days after purchase! So u see, marriage is not like that (yet) -especially in this part of the globe where I come from. So don't blame people for resorting (mainly) to prayers and hope in the One greater than them to help sort things out.

    I am a single 31 yr old lady who is very happy with where she is and the hope for a better tomorrow. I have some relationships -good and bad and bad as the world may have turned, I still believe in true love. I believe people should be themselves, both man and woman. the right person will find you -eventually.
    I perfectly understand those few lines from the write. t gets lonely sometimes. I shop a lot for my friends wedding and baby showers and even the main baby shopping spree. It all gets to you sometimes. Just sometimes. But it does. But as a woman what do you do? I keep fit, I swim and have fun, I am god-fearing and have not forgotten the good things my old school parents taught me. Have I been choosy? NOPE. Sometimes its sad to say and in all humility, sometimes men are actually intimidated by some ladies persona. Meanwhile she just might be so down-to-earth and fun-loving as can be!

    Ladies pls don't let your standards down. Just be reasonable and hang out with someone you find really interesting. I have not had many suitors as some nosy relatives might think one has been choosy. I had once been disappointed; my then sweetheart married my best friend and bla bla bla but I've since moved on. The experience lives with me even though it hasn't influenced my actions into negativity but it has made me a better person, more tolerant and understanding of the fact that human beings can let down. In other words, all this long story is to say I totally agree with someone who would pray mostly than work her way through to her future partner. If you believe in God and believe His works, then why not in this very important area of your life?

    Someone said if you want to buy clothes you go to a boutique not a restaurant. Bingo! Sometimes you go to high brow restaurants to meet important people who wear nice clothes from where you see what is trending then you go do your shopping. Yippee! Different strokes for different folks. But at the beginning of this essay I said life was complex..

    And yes I do pray before going shopping... and while cooking! Especially when trying out something new.

    One love.

  8. This comments said it all u're bless my sister


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