Friday, March 8, 2013

Wanting to Know the Reason For a Break-up

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Tone Bell as RJ

We watch this comedy on NBC sometimes, Whitney, and they recently added a new regular Tone Bell. The guy is a proper eye candy, and they show is giving us the full dose of his goodness. In the last episode, they had him nude in a small bath tub while nursing a bruised heart from a break up.

But this post is not about RJ's toned abs, or the blurred pixels they put over his flesh colored underpants. No, not really. It is about the afore-mentioned bruised heart. RJ had just been dumped by his girlfriend and he couldn't get over it. His major problem was that she didn't tell him why, and he wanted to know!

He said not knowing was like a torn in a sensitive spot, he always kept going back to it. He wondered if his lovemaking was stale, if had BO or if his mouth smelled. He just wanted to know why, and without knowing, he was afraid of moving on to another lady and getting a big fat no for his efforts.

It got me thinking how in reality, a lot of us do want to know the reason why we're dumped by our boyfriends or girlfriends. A simple "it's not you, it's me" doesn't usually cut it. Some dumpers of course take the easy way out by cutting all communication so as to avoid the third degree from the dumped party, but I don't think that's fair.

Personally, I'll like to know the reason too. It;s like feedback from employers when one is looking for a job, you want to know so that if possible, you can improve on your area of weakness. Same thing in a relationship, if you know why, then it gives you closure. And maybe you can do better when you meet the next person.

In the show, after RJ turned on the melodrama, it turned out his ex was mad at him because he always forgot her birthday. It was funny how when I was thinking he probably would beg her for forgiveness, he got up, dusted his knees and moved on to another pretty lady right beside him. LOL...

But it made sense when I considered it again. She was done, and so he could also be now the air had been cleared.

What about you? Do you always want to know the reason for a break up, or are you good to go? If you're the dumper, do you tell the other person why?


  1. Always..,. It eats me up if I don't know and I used to wonder if it was important or just to let it slide.

    Sometimes, years later when things have cooled, I still ask (if we are still friends).. I guess like you said, it's feedback that could be useful..

    The verdict is still out as to whether it helps or just makes things further complicated cause sometimes you get told what you don't want to hear..

    But I'll still like to know :-)

  2. I believe people are so concerned with the whys if the method of break up was wrong. Like breaking up via email or text will always raise the why questions? didn't I deserve enough respect for you to do things the right way. Yes. There is a right and wrong way to break up. People who break up the right way , are able to still remain 'friends' with no benefits after the relationship is over.

  3. Without knowing the reason why there can't be closure, or can there?

  4. My last relationship ended without a reason, some days I wish I knew what happened, most times I just save myself the headache of finding out why...I want closure but I would not wait around trying to find out why.

  5. I'm not huge on closure; sign language or telling me it's over have the same effect. All in all, it's over.
    I rmbr a boyfriend did some nollywood BS on me, he went on to marry n didn't tell me. Till today I av not the foggiest idea what hand. I made up my mind to move on immediately and I did.for me, closure is a thing of the mind. And really, I'm not sure I want someone reeling out my list of imperfection as reasons for breaking up with me


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