Saturday, March 23, 2013

Dear Myne - My Girlfriend is Older and I'm Not Ready For Marriage

Posted in: ,

This request came in through facebook, and it is from a guy this time.

Hello Mrs. Myne, I've got a lil issue thought you can help with it. I'm 27, haven't had a stable relationship for 5 years, virtually since I knew about the dating thingy. Some years back I met a lady in a bus, we got talking, after which we became friends later. I made a move, she turned me down saying she's engaged. That she kept saying for 3years, but I persisted.

Then luck shone its beauteous face on me, she gave in late last year, telling me that the guy has no plans for her that she's come to love me more than him. Enough of history, now lemme break down the main issues:

1. She's 30, I could care less about that, but my folks and siblings, I don't know what their reactions will be, my mum especially.
2. My girlfriend doesn't know I'm younger, because of my sense of maturity and humour (I've actually dated older ladies before her).
3. Thirdly, my plan is to walk a lady down the aisle only when I'm 30, that's 3 years from now. That's one big thing to ask from her I think!

I await your kind response! Thanks a lot.

I had some questions so I engaged him in a chat;

Myne Whitman - hello, I have some questions. Which bothers you the most of these two questions? Also, are you saying that you want this 30 years old woman to wait for you till you are 30?

- Yes ma, they all bother me, everything, I'm kinda standing at a crossroad now

Myne Whitman - which bothers you most?

- The fear that she may not be willing to wait for that long a time.

Myne Whitman - So why can't you marry her now? Have you told her?

- We are actually dating, though we don't talk about marriage, we just share good times, but she'll surely have expectations. Ma, marriage is not in my to do list for now.

Myne Whitman - the first step is to talk about it

- Yeah, but I'm unsure how she'll react

Myne Whitman - she may agree or if not, let her go?

- Ok, will try to. You've been most helpful, thank you. I'll like you to share the story too, to hear what others have to say

Myne Whitman - OK, all the best

You've heard it. Please, help a brother out. Thanks.


  1. The issue now is what is the assurance that u'd still wnt to marry her in 3yrs time?

  2. My question is why do you want to wait till you're 30? What's the clause? Men younger than you gotten married and started a family

  3. Funny enough I was writing an article on age and relationship before I decided to take break and see what Myne has for us and here it is. Lol

    Anyways, don't be pressured into something you ain`t ready for. Like Myne advised, talk to her about it and if your discussion yields unfruitful, let her go. Be ready before you commit yourself to the life long institution called marriage

  4. A lady of 30years old, should have a defined relationship,am currently writing a book "6 months to 30"you cant afford to be playing around or just hoping on hopes that someday you will be his wife, guess no time for such gamble,six months into a relationship you should know the way forward,if it's a"yes"you carry on,and if a"NO" you sharply make a u turn,and if it's on probability ,then you look around.if she the lady has not made any effort to talk over the relationship,please you the guy should let her know ,get the relationship defined,and don't keep her waiting.

  5. My book sounds "sexist" oh oh ,thanks honey.

  6. So for 3 years you pursued a lady, lied about your age and started dating her fully aware that her last relationship ended because she was tired of waiting for her then fiance to step up. Now you're saying you're not ready and she should wait 3 more years? Wow.

  7. 3 years is a lifetime for some people. I don't think you want to be honest with her about your age, or you would have let her know from the start. Now you have a faulty foundation, and since she almost surely is expecting to get married as soon as possible to you......
    Be honest with her. Tell her your plans. Let her make her decision.


Click Post a Comment to share your thoughts, I'll love to hear from you. Thanks!

*Comments on old posts are moderated and may take sometime to be shown. That's just because I want to see them and respond to you if necessary.