Wednesday, March 20, 2013

Dear Myne - My Boyfriend of 9years Keeps Breaking up With Me

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I was hoping some of the readers here could help me with a neutral point of view. I am a 25yr old lady and have known this guy for almost 9yrs. We met in school when I was barely 17yrs and he was 22. I know a lot of you don't believe in love at first sight but there are no other words to describe how it was.

It was all about loving each other's company and we waited for 4yrs (till I was legally of age) to take the step of becoming sexually involved. Sometimes we had nothing to eat but our love kept us full. 2yrs ago I got pregnant and because we didn't have so much financially we decided to get an abortion which almost killed me. I then asked him for some form of commitment but to my surprise he broke up with me the next day.

2months after that he came back pleading but I was still so hurt I refused to take him back. However every relationship I've gone into in the past year has failed because I couldn't find that bond with any of them. During this time he continued his begging and then finally I took him back only to discover after some time he had a girlfriend.

When I asked about it he promised to break it off but didn't. When I told him I wouldn't go on that way and he had to choose, he ended things with me,crying and asking me to allow him keep in touch - that the other lady doesn't make him happy the way I do but all his friends like her unlike me whom they are indifferent to(my friends also don't like him).

My question now is- do I keep on hoping or try to get him back or do I just keep walking and never look back this time? Because I am tired of the drama and don't understand it.


  1. Move on. If he can not choose between the both of you, then you should not be with him. He obviously does not value you. And that whole thing about you making him happy is bullshit. He prolly tells the other lady the same thing.

    Apologising without backing up with action are empty words. There are better men out there. Biko, forget the dude!

  2. Aseni has said it. The handwriting is on the wall. You need someone who would value you more than you appear to value yourself at the moment. Don't settle for being a sideshow or a back up plan. Keep it moving...Run from this man. He has no time for you.

  3. This is exactly the same thing that happened to my aunt. Her own case was she aborted several times for the guy and when she asked for commitment, he broke off their friendship. Later he married someone else but that's not a story for today.
    Relationships that start so young are sweet but could become tiring especially for the man as time goes on. When abortions arises, trust me, he isn't worth it, he doesn't want commitment, just plain sex.
    Dearie, you are young...with an age like yours, you can get away with anything. Toss the guy away, your mind is telling you otherwise because you feel he's your first love and you are obviously a stable person. He is not sure of his true feelings for you, please move on and don't get shackled into anything.
    Speak fast to your legs!
    P.S: Please do a thorough check up on yourself> Abortion is very dangerous, you must be very careful.

  4. he is a scumbag my dear. forget about him.

  5. Please walk away for your own sanity love. If he is really interested, he will give up that other girl. You guys will need some counseling to forget about the abortion you had. Take care.

  6. It's obvious u guys are in love and because it's first love,u find the attachment hard to cut off. U must prepare ur heart first to move on and take the bold step of receiving someone else into ur life.Don't be scared to take the risk.

  7. When people show you who they are believe them. He broke up with you at a time when you needed his support the most, so what more does he need to show you. He chose another woman over you; Yet, you are still seeking advice on what to do. The writing is on the wall, nobody needs to tell you what direction to take, you already know you need to move on. Be grateful that you did not end up married to him, your sorrows would be greater if you were. At least you have your freedom and your youth, many a woman wish they had your shoes on.

    Go back to school if you need to, discover what your passion is and work to make yourself a success in life. Get wrapped up in yourself! the 20s are a time for self-discovery and plotting out a glorious future for yourself, not a time for you to be marinating in misery. Go out, work hard, and reap a glorious harvest!

  8. So sad but life must continue!you need to let him go even if he comes back claiming he is done with the other girl and crying blood for christ sake dont accept him(all na wash).i know it will be hard to move on but is never too late and is better for dare he break up with you after aborting for him just because yiu ask for committment,please babe keep walking and never look back forever no more drama in your life.

  9. Please do you have family? You are too young to be struggling to eat with a man. Forget about that bond, its all film trick. This man is wicked and will continue to use him if you allow it. He is the type that even after marrying another woman will want to keep you for his own selfish benefits.
    Abeg na wash, you make him happy indeed. You've heard what we've all told you. LEAVE and don't look back.

  10. Babe, its time to pick the pieces of your life bit by bit and move on. Any man that breaks up with you after terminating his pregnancy does not love you and will not make any kind of commitment to you so dear run from him and do not look back. You are still a very young girl, concentrate more on how to be something glorious out of your life. It might not be easy but with determination and self motivation you will pull through.

  11. Please move on,you cant be a side issue whereby he comes for you when he needs you and dumps you after, you are bigger than that and you deserve better. you will find your own man who will love, respect and adore you... make sure you are completely over this guy before you attempt another relationship.

    Also, dont compare this guy to other guy you might end up with cos everyone is different. I wish you the best, I wish you strength and I wish you happiness.

  12. This is so sad. I wonder why ladies fall victim of guys manipulation.

    My advice: never force yourself on him. If he has decided to walk away let him walk.: I know its not an easy thing to give up on a relationship you've invested so much in but if giving up is all you need to become whole then please do so.

    Now, I understand the "loneliness” that comes with being single again and sometimes one is tempted to rush into a new relationship still carrying the bruises from the past relationship. While ”loneliness” can sometimes be painful, it should never be the reason we go into relationships. Work on yourself first and be ready. For one

    Give yourself time to heal,feel the pain, cry, talk to people you trust, do what makes happy, travel to a new place if you can, change your routine, take walks, listen to songs that inspire you, visit blogs that contributes to your development as a person., if possible start a blog and blog about your passion, stay with yourself sometimes, make new friends... Just do something that takes your mind off your past experience. Now these are not just things I listed for the fun of it. They worked for me when I went through a terrible heartbreak. I believe it can for you also.

    You will be fine.

  13. I really don't understand why she is finding it hard to understand that the relationship is not worth it. The man has no regards for the lady and he would do with her as he likes until she is able to run away!

  14. d way forward s 2 run 4 ur life.pls s s

  15. Please move on and never look back. He was your past, don't make him your future. You deserve a better deal. He only comes crawling back because you're willing to accept crumbs.

    Give him a big shove through the door. Get over him first!!! ready for someone new.


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