Monday, March 11, 2013

Dear Myne - What is the Role of a Woman in Getting Hitched

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I was going to write to you about what to do when it seems everyone but you is getting hitched...then I read the article on your blog. [When Will He Pop the Question - If Ever?]

Now its got me wondering if every single woman over 25 is single because she keeps meeting "non-committers"?

But surely a woman has some role to play in helping the guy make up his mind,right? Being yourself just doesn't seem to be working anymore.

Or are women in our generation destined to marry late or not at all? (sigh)

My questions are triggered by the fact that everyone I know,even the "simple" ones are..well..hitched.

I even feel a bit jealous of Jennifer Aniston...!


I've got a few private emails about this issue, and each time, I give the same answer. A woman has a role to play! Don't just let the man do all the work, especially if you like him. If you don't, that's a different matter altogether, tell him and help him to move along. But if you do, please bridge the gap. Show that you care by reaching out sometimes too.

It is true that the society has from our young ages put us in boxes and cages regarding our emotions and sexuality, as an adult woman, begin to slowly free yourself.

Now I know we're all different. Some are naturally shy and reserved, others more open. But as much as is within your power, reciprocate affection from the man that is trying to show that he cares about you. This is the same when it comes to sex in exclusive relationships, don't let it be the man making the first move all the time, don't just lie there and bear it. Be present too - initiate foreplay, or meet him halfway.

But I digress.

Your role in a budding romantic relationship is to be a lady, but act like a woman. You thought I would say a man? Who remembers that Fela's song, Lady? "She go say I be lady o, I no be woman" I know it's a sort of anti-feminist song, but there's some sense in it. Sometimes, you need to act like a woman to get a man. I'm not talking gender roles or being feminine, I don't believe in those unless those come to you naturally.

What I mean by a woman is an adult female who knows herself and owns her emotional and sexual side. You know those "simple" women, the market woman of Fela's song, they get the men they want because sometimes, they are not as constrained by societies dictates as some of us educated ones. But education should give you freedom too, so I say, embrace it and embrace your maturity as a woman while you remain a lady.

If a woman meets a guy she likes, don't play too hard to get. He may move on, or he may find it hard to commit because he doesn't know if you're fully into him, or on the same page with him on where the relationship is headed. Believe me, if you both end up in marriage, you'll have all the time you like to play all the shakara you want. And if you made the right choice, he will be pursuing you for as long as you both shall live. Amen. :)

PS - IntheMidst calls a woman's role Pulling a Ruth. Check it out.


  1. The writer lost me as soon as she said she was jealous of Jennifer Aniston. People need to stop modelling their lives after celebrities' lives.

    1. Come on, she was just joking!

  2. Now this is so true I tell my friends pls don't just play hard to get if you love the man the drop the hard thingy n make it work. He will chase all his life like you said n you can make shakara as well after its in our nature to make shakara now.

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  4. Relationships become possible and work out when both parties get involved as a matter of fact. If you don't show an interest, then it becomes difficult because the guy is not sure of how to approach you.

  5. Thank you Myne again for responding to my email and posting on this issue. Good pointers for the future...

  6. Ok Myne! This is an interesting read. But I have a lil problem. I play hard 2 get...I think 2 much @ times and think I'm regretting my latest action.

    I was match made with this guy, who I later discovered is a year younger than I am.

    I was against dis initially bcos prior 2 dis I was against dating a younger man. As a matter of fact, I only dated a guy if he was at least 3yrs older than me.

    We got talking n I soon discovered dat I actually liked dis dude. I can't remember d last time I fell 4 sum1 like this. D problem is dat in d course of our getting 2 know each other, I lied dat I'm in a relationship.

    Now he has withdrawn a lil as we don't chat like we used 2. I don't know how 2 tell him dat I lied n my pride won't let me tell him dat I also like him.

    Pls I need ur advice on dis Myne!

    1. I think on this one, you have to swallow your pride and tell him the truth. Maybe make a joke about it, and see what happens. Also, could it be that he doesn't want an older woman?


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