Monday, March 25, 2013

Dear Myne - I Don't Love My Fiance Like I Used To

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I’m a huge fan of your blog and I really admire your approach to life. Ok, here's the gist... I was dating this guy since my first year in the university and I equally assisted him in getting entry into school the next academic session. I loved him but we had unending issues for all the years we dated and I broke it up when I graduated. I felt we weren’t close any more, there was little or no communication, and I’m igbo, he's not. Also he became verbally abusive and to crown it all, he's a Muslim while I’m from a strong catholic home.

Now after I called it off, we never communicated for over a year and only reconnected early this year. I am a corp member now while he's about rounding off with his final projects in school. He wanted us to continue from where we stopped and hopefully get married.

After much thought, I obliged because the other relationship I entered after him didn't even last up to six months. My supposed lover who promised to mend my heart practically jilted me and got married few months later. I was wrecked and made a firm decision to find true love that is indeed true to the word.

So, I decided to give my Muslim luv another try and now, he's exceptionally sweet, he's due for a total conversion to Catholicism by month end, he respects me and always at my beck and call but the problem now is I don't feel so much for him anymore like I used to which is a bad sign. I’m at the verge of asking him to just move on and let’s be friends but I I’m really confused and I really don't know what to do.

I'll be going for my masters in a couple of months and the next thing when I get back after getting a good job is marriage and my Muslim luv is not financially buoyant. Should I risk it and wait for him, or I should tell him how I feel so he can move on or what. Please I need your take on this, what do you think I should do... and I don't mind if you post it on your blog...thanks.


  1. Women are confused... Is her problem she doesn't feel anything for the guy after making him change religion or he is not financially stable or she doesn't feel anything for him because he is not financially stable.... This is just plain selfishness ......

    1. Tank u.Her message was all over d place,i dnt knw how to reply
      and i am a lady btw

  2. if you dont love him anymore you simply dont ...dont stay in it because of sympathy it wont work,,,trust me.....


  4. No one can tell you to take a particular step but you must be ready to accept the results of whatever action you take. I will advise that you weigh your options carefully. However, if the guy is good to you, you should strive to make the love grow again. Give it a chance.

  5. I am confused.... What is the risk? You said he treats you well and he is converting to Catholicism. He is not stable financially.... okay, but you are going to do your Master's so how do you know that he won't be stable financially in a few years? He's still a student for crying out loud!

    If you don't have feelings for him, then yes, leave him to find someone that will truly love him. It seems that YOU are the risk because you don't seem to have feelings for him but you're still stringing him along. I wonder what he would say if he knew how you felt......

  6. I honestly think your relationship has gone on so long that it has done the whole undulating yard of a marriage. It may be that you are past the 'honeymoon phase' of your relationship. This doesn't necessarily mean that it is over. If you can remain friends, as you want to propose to this guy, then you have a very important ingredient of a marriage already in the bag. Further, if he is willing to change religions just he can have you in his life (and he is not playing you), then you have another very important ingredient of a marriage already.

    Even a marriage feels the way you are feeling now sometimes. Mature couples just deal with it and try to rekindle the love that brought them together in the first place.

    The verbally abusive part...all the negatives...I can't tell you stuff like that is okay. . . Just think carefully before you make that move. In any case, if you are not committed by a formal engagement to this guy, then nothing stops you from dating other people and keeping your options open in the meantime.

    Not a lot of solution offered, just my opinion to provide you more fodder for shaping your own thoughts and I wish you the best.

  7. My dear, anybody can luv becos luv can be created. But i strongly advice u dont marry out of pity, it is the wrongest reason to marry or date someone.U can get along with any man if u open ur would be WORST if u guys come together again, and in the end u dont get married. think twice or possibly thrice.

  8. Going back to the ex. One of the many times it doesn't work out. There was a reason the relationship failed the 1st time. And considering that you think he's not financially capable of taking care of you, means you don't believe in him.
    How genuine is the religion change? Most Muslims don't mind marrying a Christian, as long as she doesn't insist his children take up her religion, but converting entirely? Rare!
    Let the guy go and move on please. You both deserve better.


  9. Please becareful. That you converted him does not mean that he is a born again or a practising christian. Marriage is a serious business. I married out of pity and letter when things started showing up, i felt like committing sucide. And if not that i left, i would have killed myself. Please trade with cautions. You are getting signs already. Seek God and let him direct you. Am sure you dont want divorce or seperation. Seek God's consent. Seek God's will. Be guided.

  10. Pls dnt marry out of pity, if u dnt love him then tell him pls.As 4 da conversion to Catholic, i dnt tink i believe dat.


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