Sunday, February 10, 2013

Who To Marry - Follow my Heart or my Head?

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You know, I’d love to go on. I’d love to damn the consequences, and go for what my heart wants. I’d love to fight for my love, because that’s what people always do. And each time they did, they won. Yes! Those people in the mushy love movies I’ve watched, like, ‘Kuch Kuch Hota Hai’.. Where Rahul fought for Anjali at the latest hour, and still somehow won. But you know, all of a sudden, somehow, the reality dawns on me.. ‘M not Anjali, or Rahul,.. ‘M real, in the real world, no cameras, or casts.. So I must not be deceived!

I know what I need, I know what I want.. These two things stand so far apart, yet they coincide. God had always known there’d be conflicts between needs and wants, that’s why he gave us the brain to act as an arbitrator, or mildly put, a mediator. But what if it doesn’t suffice? If it adds more to the turmoil, who takes it from there?

I guess that’s where YOU come in. Here’s the case.

I want Emeka, but everyone thinks I need Ifeanyi. Emeka is a short fine man. He’s the MD of his father’s alcohol- producing firm. At his young age, he’s got a lot of money, a helicopter, 10 jeeps, 4 limousines, 28 mansions, and yeah, estates to inherit when his father dies. He is the only son of the richest merchant, and former King of his town. So you can imagine how I’ll never have to worry ever again in my life for nothing! Asides that, I just like him. He’s got this play- boy personality that so tickles my fancy. You know how they do!

Ifeanyi is a tall, dark, handsome, ‘maybe- too- nice’ gentleman. The 5th child of comfortable parents and a graduate of Agricultural Sciences and Fishery, teaching Elementary Agric till he has enough money to start up his farm. He’s a fine man by all standards, with an amiable personality and a gentle suave smile, but on days when he takes me on a date and the sun gets so hot, neither his smile nor personality is able to keep my skin from its scorching darkening effect. And I begin to wonder, how long will this go on?

You see, some facts may appear wrongly to you, so I better clarify them now. I do not love Emeka for his money. I love him, wealth and swag rolled into a ball, and thrown into a trash can! There are things about him I can’t explain to you but I pray you’ll understand. Have you never been here before? You love the bad guys, and hate the good ones? Well, I’m here now. Watch me live my own reality.

Who am I? Pardon my manners! I am Sandra, a single 28 year old banker, from a comfortable family. I am very comfortable myself, so I won’t necessarily be needing some dude to take me to places. There’s no place I wanna be that I haven’t been to. If you find a guy who ‘d take me to heaven though, please holler!

So here’s the deal, I am not particular about marriage. Left to me, I’ll take my time to sort the shafts from the real deal if only people will leave me be. But thing is, ‘m under pressure. Mama wants to see her grand children, Dad says he loves me but can’t bear to keep bumping into me each time he’s walking down the passage way to his room. I understand, don’t I? But they don’t understand!

I have been seeing Ifeanyi and Emeka for about a year now, without them meeting each other for once, at least not in my presence. (Tufiakwa, Heaven forbid that!) I met Ifeanyi first, and introduced him to my family as a ‘friend’ before meeting Emeka, whom I instantly fell in love with at first sight; but I’m yet to introduce him to my people, even though I’ve dined and wined with his family severally. I love them both honestly, but can’t marry them both sadly. It is at points like this, that you have to give way to mentality!

I know it’s very simple, the decision I have to make. Rather, my brain thinks so. ‘Leave Emeka, marry Ifeanyi’. You’ve known him longer, plus your family thinks he’s THE ONE. Have sex, make love, and give birth to handsome and beautiful nerds with goals, and ambitions, and a little too much ‘niceties’ to their attitudes. Picnic of Pork, and Palmwine every Sunday in the Farm house. Perfect family! But is it really that easy?

I know Emeka drinks and smokes, and Ifeanyi doesn’t. In fact, they’re plain opposites of each other. But truly, my heart craves for Emeka.

Okay, if I decide to follow my heart, and leave Ifeanyi, for Emeka. ‘ALERT! ALERT!’ My brain screams day and night. ‘He can’t love you like Ifeanyi would.’

You don’t understand , or do you? Ifeanyi doesn’t possess all I dreamed my man would. He possesses the dreams, passion, strife, zeal, determination, looks, but not the kind of sexuality I want in a man. He isn’t spontaneous. He hardly makes an attempt to kiss me when we go on dates, he doesn’t linger on my cleavage like Emeka does. He just makes me feel like ‘m not attractive at all. Is he sterile, Or just being a gentleman still? You see, for me, that’s some boring detail!

I want a balanced relationship. Not too much on one side, and too little on another. And really, I haven’t waited this long to settle for bullshit! Maybe I can teach Ifeanyi to love me like I want him to, but can I teach him to not be impotent if he already is; or rather, Emeka to stop drinking too much, at least not when we go out with his friends so that he doesn’t speak too much gibberish that no one even cares to listen to?

Sexuality, and Romance aside, Marriage is a life- long commitment. You should only marry someone you can always be happy with. Someone you can manage with, when there’s nothing to live on, or no one but yourselves to depend on. Wealth wouldn’t guarantee you happiness. But when poverty streaks to the bones, you forget what it means to smile, you forget love, and then its quarrels and battles, and ‘shebi I told you not to marry him’ stories… Or maybe not.

I am not in a hurry, but ‘they’ are. So who do I marry? Emeka or Ifeanyi? The one my heart is after, or the one my head screams for?!


This was published as "A Girl’s Thoughts – Who do I marry?" on Naijastories by Dr2103. You can check out the other work on her portfolio here.


  1. See dilemma! Amazing read, thankfully it's not real o if not e for hard

  2. These words depicts my situation. Juggling between what you want and what your family thinks you should have.

  3. If this were real..I will say go with her heart and commit to that decision that regardless of how tough it gets....she go tanda. I don't trust playboys.....and that's all I'm saying. :)

  4. hmmm, so tough. it doesnt have to be true in this context, but might be true in the life of some anonymous girl that we probably do not know. in response, Ifeanyi might be a more stable choice in manners and culture; however, i sense a boring marriage and sincerely, regardless of how nice he might be, once boredom steps in, he no longer seems the nice guy. Emeka on d other hand might be interesting but full of troubles down the line. i think Ifeanyi tho. maybe u can work against boredom.

  5. In a short story fiction like this it's nice to write and read for one to go with the heart, but in real life, it's a lot of stress. Believe I'm speaking from personal experience. Go with your head.

  6. This really got me hooked. It shows how some of our choices goes head to head with that of others, including our family.

  7. Go with the love of your heart if you are sure that it's love for real. You don't marry someone 'people think is the right choice'. Remember, marriage is a life-long matter that you love and not patch! You will be in it alone and face the reality alone.

  8. How do you chose, sexual chemistry is vert important in a relationshio. Sure these thimgs fizzle over time but there is a reason they are there. Id talk w/ ifeanyi first but idk....

  9. Hmmmm......must she choose between just these two men? Dump both and wait for another who'll have all you want!


  10. I was in dis mess last year.Need private home tutors for ur kids?visit for more info

  11. This some mess as both men have their strengths and faults...the good man today might not be good and pretence...give me a man who show me his true colors and I will gladly stick with him if I love him.

    If Emeka loves you like you love him, then there is nothing wrong with going with him because mister Ifeanyi is boring and I sure cannot survive a boring marriage.

  12. Is this story for real??? well to me you never loves ifeanyi cause if you do u will never fall in love with i will advise you go for emeka cause obviously you love him but be very sure he might not change is ways even after marriage just ask yourself if you can leave with it.may GOD be with you

  13. Blessings...
    Your head and your heart always have to be in agreement else you setting yourself against yourself, self-negation is a recipe for failure.

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  15. Am not sure what the humdrum is about...none of them sounds exciting, u either settle for one, close your eye for the ride or spend your days with your imaginary husband, Evey man has their pros, but you must look at the cons closely and make sure you can live with them. There are no perfect men or human being for that matter and am sure they are weighing you against one or two other women.

    1. Your opinion makes sense die jare. lol@imaginary Ifemeka.

  16. As a man,i'd say you analyze what's most important to you and that way you'd be able to make a decision who to be with.If 'sexuality' is of so much importance to you,you know where you ought to be and if love is the most important,you'd know where to lean.

  17. Hmmm, same story, same situation, av been a victim of ifeanyism, and 1st, I gotta say, u'd always find another, but the true fact is, yes! U never loved ifeanyi, if you do, u wldnt see other options( emeka), secondly, who the hell told you money can't finish? Its so pathetic how we worship money! I don't wanna judge ur story, but frankly, marry emeka, he's d 1 ur hrt desires, as for ifeanyi, u don't deserve him, he only got the so called 'good qualities, generalised' but he's not what you want, if he's what you need, we won't be replying this post, cos people don't think twice about what they need!

  18. Hmmm are u sure ur heart goes for Emeka or because of his wealth, you may tell us lies but the truth is that u cant lie to urself. Pls think twice!


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