Friday, February 8, 2013

On Adoption - Love Makes a Family Not Blood

Posted in: ,

I've always been comfortable with adopting, and since we've had trouble conceiving and I found out I was infertile, the plans to adopt have been moved forward. We've recently started the process of becoming foster parents, and hopefully adoptive parents. I plan to blog about that as I have more to say since it is not a day's journey. In the meantime, the topic "Does the Baby Have To Be the Fruit of Your Loins?" and the comments it generated got my attention on BN. Testimony submitted this awesome comment that I just had to share;

Love doesn't know blood. It is love that makes a family, not blood. I was raised by a single mum at the beginning. On getting to secondary school, my sperm donor said he wanted me to live with him, my mum reluctantly agreed. In under 2 years of living with him, I was abandoned, yes abandoned my my biological father. I annoyed him one night, and he dragged me in my night gown with no slippers on.

I was just 11years old, and he drove me to my grandma’s house, not even my mum’s house and he dropped me off, and he said he never wanted to have anything to do with us, this includes me, my sisters (also his children), and my brother, whom he denied from pregnancy (as the Lord always does these things, my brother is the SPITTING image of him).

Everyone told him, this boy is your son, you only need to look at him, still he refused. It was a cross my mum had to bear, cos during his early years, anytime she looked at my brother, she is reminded of that man. She had 4 kids for this man, and he didn't marry her. At 11years with a nightgown and no slippers, I was dropped off like garbage and he never looked back. I have not seen him in almost 20years.

Shortly after that, my mum started seeing this man, much much older than her, a divorcee with 2 much older kids. He married my mum with 4 children, and that man was the best thing, I mean the best thing that EVER happened to us. I love him so much, I will do ANYTHING for him. He parented me better than my sperm donor ever did for the 11years I knew him. I call my mum’s husband daddy, none of my friends know he isn't my biological dad. Only long term friends and family know.

He raised the four of us, even better than he raised his kids, in my opinion. He said he made mistakes with his first family, and he always prayed to be given the chance to start again, then he met my mum with 4 children, the youngest under 2 years old. All of us schooled abroad, his first 2 kids didn't, as he didst have the money then. His children and his ex wife beef us like crazy, cos they say, we got the best of their father in so many ways, but luckily they both work in oil companies now, so even with their 9ja degree they are doing well. We his step kids are also doing well in our jobs. The last is in Canada studying for undergrad.

He is in his 70′s now, and he is so proud of us. He says we were the answers to his prayers, and he will forever be grateful for the chance he got to raise us. My brother never met his sperm donor, the immediate elder sister doesn't even remember him cos he walked out when she was 3. So to those two, that’s the only daddy they ever knew. Its me and my immediate younger sister that can remember that man, and yes we have scars, me the worst, and it has affected how I deal with men. I don’t trust them at all, even though I've been shown more than enough love from my daddy.

So 5’5, the heart has no capability in its ability to love. At least you love your boyfriend or husband, and you are not related to him by blood. Like Mee above I also have gynae problems that has reduced my chances of conception. I cried about it for weeks, until a voice said to me, "you weren’t raised by your biological dad. If you needed an example of how blood doesn’t matter. You’ve had 20 years of first hand experience. So snap out of it," and I did. I’ve made my peace with my condition.

Whatever comes, I can adopt, or use donor eggs, if I desire to experience pregnancy. Like @Mee said, I know the man I marry will marry me despite of my condition. he will choose me, above any biological children we may never have. There is no greater love than that. The kind of love that can make a man marry a woman with 4 kids, and raise them as his own, that is the kind of love, I pray I will get, and I will not settle for less.

Read more on Bellanaija


  1. Wow! I'm thrilled and amazed in equal proportions by this lady. Love truly doesn't know blood, if it did, i would be telling a different story...

  2. I love...LOVE this post, the taboo that surrounds adoption in our part of the world really mystifies me.

    Testimony hit the nail on the head with her statement.

    I heard someone once say "God forbid, my first child cannot be adopted" and it made me that child not created in the image of God, are they not beautifully and wonderfully made?

    Others would say, what if the child you adopt has "spiritual" issues or is problematic? I laugh and wonder if these same things cannot be said of children conceived by them.

    Hubby and I plan to adopt, and God giving us grace we would love that child like our very own.

    There are so many children in need of loving parents, yet the fear of what society would say keeps them from being adopted.

    I hope our mentality would change as we become more enlightened.

  3. My did not raise me as well, and my step dad has done more for me financially, emotionally and mentally than my own dad has ever done! So blood, does not really matter. My step dad is my father! Some blood children are worse off than adopted children.

  4. Nice article..we sholud always pray to GOD to give provide us our best friend as partners who will choose us above all things

  5. What a testimony!
    It is great to read and break down that thought that all step-relationships end up badly.

  6. Very lovely post. My mentality regarding adoption has changed, growing up i was made to believe that you adopt a child only when you can't conceive, now i know better.

  7. True say. Love makes a family not blood

  8. Love the testimony. Totally agree.

  9. Wow!
    So many lessons here.
    Love. Second chances. Making the best of what life brings...
    Adoption is like simultaneously giving and receiving a gift. Loving a child who brings love into your own life.

  10. I want to say also that adoption is the God kind of love, the one that Jesus had for us, when he came and died that we could be sons and heirs with him. We are God's adopted children and he loves us even more than our earthly fathers. Myne, I wish you the best as you adopt, God will give you the same love for your children.

  11. This is really wow! Indeed, Love makes a family not blood!!!

  12. This comment has been removed by the author.

  13. Congratulation and much blessings....
    There are the families we are born into and there are the ones we create by choice. The family we are born into does not come with guarantees of any sort, they are in fact our training ground for life as every personality we encounter in our families we encounter in life. As children we have little to no choices as to how we are governed however as adults we get to exercise our God given right of choice and then we can go forth and choose that which we want/desire. So go forth my sistah and choose your family. I wish you much love and joy.May your cup runneth over.

    Stay blessed.

  14. Wow! I plan to adopt or at least foster when I'm married. There are so MANY babies out there who need love and as Anonymous said, God has shown us the most important love by adopting and calling us His own. Who are we then to shun these kids? God bless you Myne. God bless your journey and make it prosperous.

  15. I hope to adopt a child someday and I hope the man I will marry to agree with this decision of mind...this story is touching.

  16. I am 110% for adoption any day any time. In my opinion, both parties gain from it, and everyone involved is a winner.

  17. The blood relationship no doubt has its place, but love is best to make a family. If there is love, it mtters not if the family is made through adoption.

  18. Beautiful testimony.

    I'm all for adoption. Like Atilola said, its a win-win for everyone involved.

  19. Inspiring and very true that love make a family not blood.


Click Post a Comment to share your thoughts, I'll love to hear from you. Thanks!

*Comments on old posts are moderated and may take sometime to be shown. That's just because I want to see them and respond to you if necessary.