Tuesday, February 19, 2013

Love is Way More Than Sex - Two Men Speak

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I have said it before that I'm tiring of the relationship between Olivia and the President in Scandal, an American TV show. At first, Atala wondered if it was my conservative side kicking in because they were basically committing adultery, but it wasn't it. I explained that since the first few episodes where they were portrayed as star crossed lovers living separate lives with broken hearts, these days their relationship was all about the sex. For a romantic like me, love is more than sex. If I cannot connect with you emotionally, then the sex is just a physical urge any other man, or even a sex toy, can satisfy.

In his review of the episode of Scandal that put a stop to my Ollie/Fitz fanclub membership, Harry wrote about the dangers of tying love too close to sex,

...I think the Writers should explore other angles to their love. 80% of the time we see Fitz and Olivia expressing their love to each other is when they are having sex. To me, it just means that Mellie is bad in bed and Olivia is compensating. The writers should explore dialogues and use events to show that the love they have for each other is way more than the sex... because to me I feel once the sex starts to suck, the love won’t prevail.

Viper agrees, insisting that "Sex should never be used as reward or compensation between two people who claim to be in love. It should be a mutual, voluntary outpouring of emotions." He shared his own personal story on this Dear Myne post,

I'll be going to Nigeria in 2 weeks for my wedding. When I met my fiancee 3 years ago, she was a virgin; she's still a virgin. I have spent 3 vacations in Nigeria since then and have been alone with her many times for extended periods (we once spent two weeks in a holiday resort alone) but because I saw her as my wife from the beginning, I didn't rush to sleep with her.

There's a certain self-restraint that comes with confidence that a certain person is yours or will be yours for life. My decision not to pressure her for sex is not because I am a christian or anything like that, it is simply because I love her, respect her views and more importantly have come at this point in my life to value choices like hers.

Now the most interesting part of the story, my fiancee's visa will take another six weeks to be processed as we have had to appeal the UKBA's initial decision. Since we have made the decision to make love for the first time on our matrimonial bed and not anywhere else, after the wedding in two weeks, I'll return to the UK and wait another 4 weeks before (hopefully) CONSUMMATING the marriage. We could have chosen to do it in any hotel rooom, in any of my friend's places, in her own apartment, or in her room in her parent's house but we didn't.

We are not in a hurry and sex doesn't define our love. I would have called anyone making this kind of decision a Jew Man or mugu in the past but I have come to value certain things over others. I enjoy our lengthy telephone conversations. The laughter I share with her. The hand-written letters from Nigeria twice every week. The beauty of our dreams. Those things matter. Sex is not everything.

Did you just go aww...me too :)

Do you have any personal stories to share? Leave in the comments or send me an email, myne@ mynewhitman.com


  1. Wow, so we still have Men that think like this. God bless this man real good.

  2. Its good to know all is not lost when it comes to finding true love...

  3. Wow. Am surprised that this guy is saying is saying this esp he is not claiming being born again.
    Godbless you real big

    My favourite part is the handwritten letter part.

  4. This is a real man and I miss watching scandal, I still can't believe no station is showing it in Nigeria.

  5. Bros only survives by wanking, don't be deceived.

  6. Awww, love truly is way more than sex

  7. This is just luck, and the story is not over yet, you know?

  8. LMSAO. That sounds funny to me. Maybe he has his own reasons for waiting. Ladies you don't wanna say yepa on the first night of your life together. Test drive that motor or you may live to regret it.

  9. Hmnn, interesting story. Dated my wife for 4 years and we never had sex. It had to do xtian convictions and also our jew-man's statement in paragraph 2. However, there were times we were nearly consumed with passion but our commitment to remain pure on that level till marriage kept us in check. We've been happily married for 7 years now.

    Believe it or not, there are guys willing to wait out there


  10. When love is true, it will be patient, believing, hoping, enduring et al.
    I know someone who has been dating a guy for over two years and never have they had sex because she has fed the guy lies of how she is a virgin and plans to stay that way until marriage and after a number of quarrels, the guy agreed to adhere to her no sex rule. But the unfortunate thing is that this girl in sooth isn't a virgin and when I asked her why she lied about it she said she had given up her 'pudding' to many and couldn't stand another waka pass. How she handles the situation after is up to her.
    So I know there are guys out there who are willing to wait but some just wait in vain.


  11. Fornication is not just any sin but sin against your own body. So if you have a conscience and you have had sex before your marriage, the guilt never goes. Talking from experience But will I say I regret it? No! At least now I know I would have been in sexual bondage with the person whom I lost it to. True, good sex is not everything in marriage, but it plays a big role in maintaining stability in the home.

  12. You put how I feel about scandal into perspective. I even wonder what a mistress without sex is. And for the love story, it's one thing to show restraint it's another to have desire and she restraint.


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