Thursday, February 14, 2013

For Those Who Are Single This Valentine

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The stores are decorated in candy hearts, flowers and bears. Every TV or radio commercial reminds you that it’s time to remember your sweetheart on this special day for lovers. Your feelings range from sadness, to revulsion to anger. What’s a single person to do?

The following suggestions are designed to both answer that question and to help you have a good day after all, while working to make it your last solo one.

Celebrate the day by planning an activity that is meaningful and enjoyable to you:

- Go to a day spa for “the works”
- Plan an intimate dinner for 3 or 4
- Go ice-skating or to the movies with a fun friend
- Go out to dinner and a movie with a group of other singles
- Focus on what you enjoy and make a conscious decision about how to mark the day
- Un-Valentine's Day parties are very popular and can be a lot of silly fun. You can attend one or throw one of your own.

Meanwhile, design a relationship-building plan:

Let the holiday provide you with the motivation to take risks, try new ideas and gain the knowledge that will enable you to find and create a lasting, intimate relationship.

- Sit down at the computer or with pen and paper in hand and get your plan written down.
- Begin by making a list of resources that can be used to help you meet available singles.
- These can include: on-line dating sites, singles groups, volunteer activities, or participation in sports or other activities that you enjoy.Decide when and how often you will participate in any activity you have chosen.
- Make a budget for both time and available funds for this purpose.
- Do your homework and research each resource so the information will be available when you need it.

Review those resolutions you made, or make some if you haven’t yet.

Think about what is really important to you. Remind yourself that implementing and sticking to these will help ensure that you are really ready for that special relationship. Being the kind of person you want to be with is the first step.

Begin with concrete goals. For example stick with a healthy diet, exercise three times a week, plan one organizational task per week, etc. Taking care of yourself and living well will optimize your chances for relationship success. Start today.

Toni Coleman is a licensed therapist and relationship coach in private practice in McLean, Virginia. She is the author of the email newsletter, The Art of Intimacy, which goes out to thousands of subscribers monthly.


  1. Thank you for remembering the singles on a day like this Myne.
    Me I'm just waiting coooleh to see you and Atala's valentine pics. I will continue checking sha because I trust you.

  2. Na wa o. Surely, being single on Valentine's day can't be that serious? I have two reasons to celebrate today. They do not include Valentine. I'm single by the way....

  3. Ok! IT's really not as depressing as this article makes it out to be. Taking vals day this seriously as a 'single' is SAD!

  4. Ewo! Myne (and Toni), it hasn't come to this. Hahahaha! Valentine's Day is just one day and shouldn't need such battle plans. If you want a relationship then you should make yourself open to the possibilities through out the year, not just in the run up to February. If you don't have a Valentine you can still enjoy the sentiment of the day without the pity party.

    Signed, Someone who has never had a Valentine and is still standing.

  5. Lol...wait, is it this serious? Surely not!

  6. Single lovers wil always be .ther for as long as the earth remains. Its a fact that people wil break up & meet someone new or even develop crushes along the way. Unsatisfied relationships & the lust for something more near one's fantacy wil also ensure certain people find themselves in some space enough to wander or allow someone new to venture into their heart. My question however is how do real lovers cope 'this day' wen they are divided genuinely (or rather harshly perhaps) by distance or some compelling tasks?


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