Thursday, January 31, 2013

When People Say Men Must Rape

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I try not to take most things too seriously, but there are issues that get my blood boiling. One of those topics is rape. Women and children continue to be the vast majority when victims of rape are numbered, and I find it galling that our culture would rather blame them or sweep the stories under the carpet, than face the men who perpetrate this hate crime, and deal them full and swift justice.

Now, someone who reads this blog, has written an article for YNaija that seems to be in response to my earlier post, Lets talk to the men who rape, shall we?

In his article, he agrees with my point that a lot of Nigerian men struggle with thoughts of rape, or may have raped before. [This I think is due to the heavily partriarchal culture in Nigeria, where women are expected to be subservient to men, and women's bodies are seen as owned by their men or the society].


But then he goes ahead to blame women, and the victims of rape, stating they provoke rape due to the way they dress to kill. In his opinion, even if you're not raped for dressing indecently, you may cause other decent women and children to be raped. While a lot of people have, deservedly, condemned the article, let's not forget that a Kano lawyer made similar statements in the past, and that several Nigerian men, and even women, think the same way. One article on Naijastories goes on to blame mothers who breastfeed in public for arousing men, and causing rape!

Am I saying we should not rebut the writer, or others of his ilk? NO! I am saying that even as we castigate him, we should look beyond him, because he's just a symptom. We should try to look inwards and focus on the cause - our culture. We might not be able to change everyone, but we can change ourselves and those under our influence, our brothers, cousins, friends and sons. We have a long way to go to change the mentality of men who are brought up to see themselves as Lords and Masters over women.

Rape is not about sex, but about power and exerting dominance, and that is why more women and children are raped than the other way around. Some men even rape fellow men. It doesn't help that in Nigeria, rape and its perpetrators are rarely reported. When they do, victims are maltreated, and at the end, these rapists get off lightly.

So, to all men who think like the writer whether they say it or not - it goes beyond a man being able to exercise self control or about women guarding their sexuality and how they dress. It is about men like you developing respect and empathy for women. I won't ask you to think about if it was your mother, daughters, or sisters being raped. I will say think about if women were human beings like you. Think about rape victims and think about yourself being raped. By a man. A man who is twice your size.

Think about that, and please stop raping.

________

PS. I want to thank some men who have given the issue of rape in our society more in-depth thought and have spoken out, about how rape affects them, and about how their fellow men should think about rape.

Mazi Nwonwu writes in Rape and the Nigerian Society, about the time his cousin was almost raped in his presence and how, "it took him months to recover from the trauma and took my cousin longer to start seeing me as a ‘man’ again. It was a close shave, a very close shave, one that still makes me shiver..."

Sagaysagay writes in Rape and the Unjustifiable defense of provocation, that any "argument about “provoked rape” is like an armed robber saying he attacks rich people because they “flaunt” their wealth. It is like a corrupt Minister saying the billions of naira he handles in the Ministry tempts him into stealing. Even Ibori wasn’t bold enough to come up with such justification before the UK court that convicted him."

Thank you Mazi and Sagay for raising the quality of the conversation.







37 comments:

  1. Replies
    1. You're right, as are a lot of Nigerian men, no matter how educated they appear, and how well they write or speak. I am not defending him, but he is being honest and that only gives us a glimpse which we may otherwise can only assume. In a country where the highest punishment of rape can sometimes be to reward the man with his victim, this is the type of men we have walking both the streets and the boardrooms.

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  2. We have a very long way to go and we will never be able to change everyone, but we can change many. That is why we must start now with every Kenechi that blames the victim and makes excuses for the criminal. To fix the culture, fix the people.

    here is a piece addressing some of the deadly statements he made http://www.femmelounge.org/5-infuriating-things-about-kenechi-uzochukwus-men-must-rape-something-article/

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    1. I have read your post, and though it's very measured and detailed, I doubt you can change Kenechi.

      But of course we must chide him, and speak out, and write, and challenge his arguments. In the end however, our best effort will be to teach men around us to respect us, and to respect women.

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  3. Oh no, I wasn't talking about changing Kenechi specifically, not at all. Starting with 'every Kenechi' was used figuratively.

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  4. Over time i think what bothers me the most about crap like this is how willing men are to admit (and even boast about) the "fact" that they have absolutely no self control when it come to their sexual urges. Not only do they freely admit it, they see absolutely nothing wrong with it and expect women to embrace that ideology. The whole thing just sickens me

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    1. OMG, the thing just bursts my head like popcorn! I had to take a deep breath after reading that article. This our world eh?

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  5. I had to go and read the article before commenting on yours and right now I'm in shock. I cannot believe the brazenness, arrogance, ignorance and stupidity evident from the beginning to the end of that piece.... for someone who appears educated and (arrogantly) believes he is well informed, that article lacks every form of intellectual reasoning and the only thing he has achieved is to expose himself as a rapist and one who is without remorse for that matter. It's a pity that he thinks that all men do not have control over their thoughts and actions. Unfortunately he is one man too many...

    Since he comes to this blog I hope he reads all these comments...

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    1. I had to go back and read that idiotic post again. I mean who says things like:

      'all crimes are triggered or provoked' - Meaning crime is justified and if you find yourself a victim of one then it is your fault?

      'Men do not know and will never know what it really means to be raped. Because if a young man takes a dark, lonely side street on his way back from work and two ladies jump out and proceed to rape him, he most certainly would be taking that road the very next day for a repeat performance.' - I guess he hasn't met a man who is only interested in raping men.

      '...for now, rape is a woman's palaver'- such insensitivity. I'm sorry Myne, unlike you I will ask him, 'don't you have sisters? Your mum?' If your precious little 3 year old was raped will you spew the rubbish that came out in that article?

      'for some men, raping is simply a defence. Every (sexual ) provocation must be assuaged'- wow, i'm just short of words for this one.

      I have to give it to this guy cos I haven't been this mad in a while. I agree with you Myne, he probably hasn't met a guy who isn't interested in raping women and is large enough to subdue him. Maybe if he encounters one and he becomes a victim then he'll wish he can swallow his words. Such audacity!

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    2. I'm sure he's reading this, and that article is just an outrage.

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  6. "The truth is that Kenechi Uzochukwu has been able to TELL THE TRUTH that most men will hide from. To understand rape, you need to look at things from a rapists point of view and also from the point of view of the victim.

    rape is caused by many factors, we must realized that indecent dressing is one of the TEN major factors.

    The truth is that men can only look at things from the rapists point of view (realistically)… so the HONEST opinions of men on rape and the opinions of women will always differ, especially with regards to the CAUSES.

    I do not know what women gain by DRESSING TO KILL! WOMEN know attraction increases when they dress to kill and Kenechukwu Uzochukwu has risked his “HEAD” to tell you what goes on in the mind of many men… he has exposed the rapists point of view. THE RAPIST does not rape the particular lady “dressed to kill”…. His libido heightens after the provocation and stays the same way for many days… that’s how innocent kids become victims.

    It is not every time someone tells the truth like Kenechukwu has done. EVERYBODY PREFERS TO BE POLITICALLY CORRECT without offering any advice.

    HERE IS KENECHUWKU, telling WOMEN: “THAT FOR ANY WEEK YOU DRESS PROVOCATIVELY, YOU HAVE DRESSED TO KILL THE CONSCIENCE OF SOME GUY ON THE STREET, AND ENDANGERED A GIRL SOMEWHERE BY THE SEXUAL TENSION CREATED IN SOME RANDOM GUY”.

    SELF CONTROL OR NOT, IT IS A HUGE SECRET OF MOST MEN, THAT SELF CONTROL IS “VERY DIFFICULT”, IF NOT NEAR IMPOSSIBLE…. EVEN YOUR HUSBAND WILL LIE TO YOU AND TELL YOU “HE CAN CONTROL HIMSELF”.

    HUSBANDS RAPE THEIR WIVES TOO, I HOPE Y’ALL KNOW THAT?

    THERE ARE SERIAL RAPISTS AND THERE ARE “ACCIDENTAL RAPISTS”. THE ACCIDENTAL RAPIST IS THE GUY WHOSE SEXUAL TENSION HAS RISEN SO HIGH THAT HE LOST CONTROL AND REGRETS IT SO BADLY.

    IMAGINE YOUR GIRLFRIEND NAKED WITH YOU AND TELLING YOU “NOT TO DO ANYTHING”.

    MANY WOMEN HAVE COME TO ACCEPT THAT THEIR HUSBANDS WILL ALWAYS CHEAT… AND IT’S TRUE 80 PERCENT OF THE TIME:

    IF MEN ALWAYS CHEAT…. I WONDER IF MEN WON'T ALWAYS RAPE...I WONDERM ITS NOT EVERY TIME A MAN TELLS THE TRUTH, WOMEN CAN EITHER ACCEPT †̥ЂĮ̸̸̨§ ADVICE OF AN ARTICLE OR CRUCIFY KENECHUKWU. I HOPW OTHER BRAVE MEN WILL FOLLOW SUIT AND TELL THE TRUTH. EVEN CHUDE JIDEONWU HAS TOLD †̥ЂĮ̸̸̨§ TRUTH ON TWITTER BEFORE( ROLE OF INDECENT DRESSING...
    LIKE KENECHUKWU HAS SAID, RAPE IS SOMETHING THAT CAN BE REDUCED IF INDECENT DRESSING REDUCES. THAT IS HIS POINT."

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    Replies
    1. And why have you chosen to comment as anonymous?

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    2. Are you Kenechi? No need to go Anonymous here. The main thing that stood up from the article was that not only did Kenechi expose, his and some men's thoughts, he had no remorse. Shame!

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  7. There is absolutely NO justification for rape. Nobody "deserves" to be raped for any reason.

    P.S. # 7 was the scenario on my criminal law exam years ago. The answer is still the same: it is still rape, and it is a crime.

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    1. It is a big crime, and should be made a hate crime too. There is no justification, at all.

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  8. I haven't read the guys article and I don't intend to, I just can't handle crazy talks like that, it gets my blood boiling and makes me angry for days, even the little I've read here has raised my B.P. if it is true that this is the way most men think, I'm also responding to the anon comment above then we have a sad sad state of affairs.

    Watching the discovery channel the other day, they showed how male animals get this great urge to mate, they then seek out females who are also ready to mate, the word ready is the key here, if it happens that the male misread the females consent and she rejects him, he simply goes and find another willing partner. My point, even animals who walk around naked in the jungle gets it.

    To use the scenario of indecent dressing to justify rape because a male sexual tension is heightened by what he saw is sad for our society when even dogs can be trained!

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    1. Thank you, Bukky. I wish some men would understand that. It is pitiful and annoying at the same time that they want to have their cake and eat it too.

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  9. Honestly Myne, I read the article and I was really upset at the time I wasted doing so.

    I find his argument rather baseless and I'm saddened by the fact that a lot more people that we can imagine would actually agree with him. Men and women alike.

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    1. It is very baseless, and very sad that our society and culture promotes it, from the church to the national assembly, SMH..

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  10. Why boil over nothing? I think he wrote it to gain recognition which he is getting as a rapist. I would not blog over a nuisance like him. Olori bu!

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    1. Thanks jare. But it also important to talk about stuff and let people like that know not everyone thinks like them.

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    2. LMAO!!!! at Oloribu,but i definately agree,there shld be a penalty for rapist,they deserve to die. everyone blames the devil,smh

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  11. *sighs* I read the article and was so furious. How do people think though?

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  12. Why on earth did I read that article?
    The guy must be disturbed

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  13. The comments about the post alone have left me in shock. I wonder how many women/little girls he's raped to sound like that. Which human being justifies rape?

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  14. I wanted to read that piece o, but it has been taken down, and he has issued an apology, kai.

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  15. Myne, is this Kenechi Uzochukwu the same Kaycee from NS? I doubt (though I can't prove otherwise) that he's a rapist. I'd like to believe he wrote that article to generate conversation (and outrage) about rape, and if so, it appears he's been successful.
    However, the points in the article represent the thoughts of many actual rapists, and I think it'll be a good idea to use those points in the fight against all forms of rape.

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    1. He probably did, but as a writer, he failed in marking out what he means from what he says.

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  16. Thank God Ynaija has pulled down the article. An article as disturbing as that shouldn't have ever be published in the first place! Ynaija just gave the buffoonery a voice.

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  17. And why am I not surprised that it's Ynaija that agreed to publish such a post?

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  18. Myne is this Kenechi the same one on Naija stories? The one known as Kaycee? Cause I hope not. This is a retarded thing to say-provoked rape? What da hell???

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    1. He is one and the same, and it was a shock for me to read this, though I know he likes to court controversy. I'm glad he apologized.

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  19. 'Any "argument about “provoked rape” is like an armed robber saying he attacks rich people because they “flaunt” their wealth.' - I love this Sagay's statement, it aptly says it all!

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  20. At Sir Anonymous, you may be right in your well detailed analysis. But on the other hand....remember that the point where RAPE actually happens is the point where self-control is 2 be determined!

    Thank Goodness i didnt read the article. Did someone say it has been removed? Maybe that must have been after EFCC, or NAFDAC or some Governmental bodies started to look for him.

    Women don't get raped because they were drinking or took drugs, or because they were not careful enough. Women get raped because SOMEONE RAPED THEM!...by Jessica Valenti...The Puruty Myth.

    Research has it that in South Africa, women have the better chance of being raped than learning how to read! While for many African men, sex is considered an entitlement than love or procreation!..and so on..

    Where the likes of Kelechi is concerned, i won't be surprised if he has committed the crime severally;if not mental rape! Since he has been quoted to say men MUST always rape something- if not them selves...women and children..then that leaves nothing to the imagination. So i conclude on the basis of his analysis that HE must have raped his sisters, nieces, aunts, friends or neighbours! He said it himself!

    That every provocation must be assuaged? And that rape is provoked..or that all crimes are triggered or provoked? The ONLY and advisable defence for RAPE is INSANITY! Not provocation! Crimes like murder, assault and battery, can be defended with provocation! How can a man open his filthy mouth to say his reason for raping is because he was provoked?

    No doubt, some of our females have totally lost touch with dignity of human person, and self-consciousness...even at that...RAPE keeps increasing! Why is the mental state of the culprits not a case?

    Biologically and Anatomically, a man obviously goes through some "natural" reflexes and nervous "shocks" when an extravagantly undressed woman is sighted. These things are uncontrollable at times. Yes we know. Even a Pastor may not be free from this carnal enslavement because of the "flesh"

    However, there's always a point of CONTROL! As a matter of fact, the crime of RAPE can and has been known to occur between 2 consenting adults. The instance where the female says NO mostly before and rearly during res in res (sexual intercourse) means she's no longer consenting! Any other act after this follows the path of "possible rape!"

    But no, our dear Kelechi is immune to all these. As far as he is concerned, provoke a man and he must rape something! Should a man rape is wife because she was provocatively dressed in the process of seducing him?

    SELF CONTROL happens to be a factor here. The more our men out there are far from it, the more we are vulnerable to their assaults. Its better to admit this obvious weakness than hide behind the veil of confidence!

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  21. Hmm….What about the magazine that actually published his “work” and I use that term very lightly! Is publishing by force?

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  22. It's enjoyable to learn more and more from your blog. Thanks for sharing.

    MAcy
    www.gofastek.com

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