Tuesday, January 29, 2013

Dear Myne - My Boyfriend Does not Have a Degree

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I met this guy of recent early this January. We've just been friends and from all indication he wants to be more than a friend with me. Anytime he is around me he keeps talking about marriage and all. The issue here is that I feel this guy did not attend a higher institution though his English is OK. He is a very nice guy with a good character.

To some extent, one can tell the kind of person a guy is with his relationship with his present family. I have seen him with his family and the way he cares for them. He is the first child with four younger ones. The way he relates with his family shows they are so close. The guy is God fearing.

I have not really had the liver to ask him about school issue, I don't want him to feel bad. There was a time we were talking and I was like for me, I want to go for my PGD this year and then my masters. He didn't say anything towards that so i sensed it and decided not to talk about school with him. I am the sensitive type so I acted sensitively that day by keeping quiet and not talk about school again till when am sure about his own school status.


I have met guys who have gone to school and have all the degrees but I couldn't stay with them cos of their character.Now the problem is, should the school issue be a priority to marry one. This guy sells cars for a living. He has two offices in town here in Abuja. He is on his own and has people working for him. But I have my reservation about the school tin. Could it be because I have never dated someone who didn't school?

Please, i need your readers take on this. Thank you






35 comments:

  1. Well... if you were abroad, I'd say it shouldn't be an issue. However, being in Nigeria, there's a lot of value placed on higher education. Even if you do decide to date him, would your parents approve? And could you go on without their approval?

    I personally would not date someone who doesn't have at least a bachelor's degree. But that's my opinion. Bill Gates dropped out of university and is one of the richest men alive. Is your guy financially stable from all indications, and is his business sustainable? If he's everything you want in a man, save the degree, it might be worth a shot. And besides, it's never too late for him to go to school.

    Tough decision to make.

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  2. Tough Decision,U got a good man now u worried about something that can be fixed with time if he is willing.If u wanna know,just ask coz i feel there is a reason behind that. Good Men are Hard to find though. #justsaying

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  3. A lot of people consider degrees very highly, but sometimes it doesn't matter. Lots of American billionaires are college drop outs, I still haven't heard that Dangote had any special qualifications. Your guy can speak English, seems hardworking, has his own business, is an employer, has a nice character and family. What else do you want?

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  4. Please send him to me, I am in ABuja too. #singleandsearchingdesperately

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    Replies
    1. You;re a joker, aren't you?

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    2. So you want him to be sent to you? Lol.

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  5. If education level ranks high up on your selection criteria, then stick to your guns and keep looking for the guy with a degree. Keep note that there is NO perfect man. By your own admission, you have met guys with degrees but poor character. Suppose the guy were to get a Bachelor's degree and you get your masters, would he measure up to your standards or would his degree still be a problem till he is at par with you? Reflect on why education means so much to you and examine marriages where male partners hold a degree(s) or high school education to see whether the level of education reflects on the quality of a marriage.

    Personally, the ability for a man to provide is more important than his education level. Your friend runs a business and demonstrates leadership skills as an employer. He provides not only for himself but for his employees as well. He may go for business classes some time in the future to perfect his management skills. But he is who he is now. He cannot get a degree in an hour and present to you for approval. Fact is your friend is enough right now for some other lady. If he is not enough for you, that's also okay. Just keep in mind that perfection is non-existent. As a married friend once told me is "Look for a man whose weakness(es) you can tolerate".

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    Replies
    1. I agree with girl from Kenya. "Look for a man whose weakness(es)you can tolerate for a very looong time.

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  6. I agree with girl from Kenya, that the ability for a man to provide is more important than level of education. And to add on to that, how u feel about him should also play a big part in you decision. I know of many men with higher education and just aren't smart, and vise versa.

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  7. I would look at this both ways in the long run from personal experience. We still don't know that he doesn't have a degree since you haven't asked but are assuming. So assuming he doesn't have one he can read, write and speak English and his native language(s) he is hardworking an employer and seems to be doing well for himself and genuinely cares for you I honestly don't see the problem here. Now from the guys perspective is he concerned with your quest for higher education will it bother him in the long run I say this because I once dated a guy who only had a high school education while I was still in undergrad and while he was good to me and all the fact that at the time I was more educated than him bothered him to no end. We could be watching "who wants to be a millionaire" and he gives a wrong answer and I say no babe its this and he goes off on me saying I think he is stupid etc because he never went to Uni. I had to break up with him because as much as things were going well I doubt if he would have gotten over my supposed "cleverness" which he constantly brought up and he didn't look like he was interested in pursuing further education since his ventures were very rewarding financially he never answered in the affirmative about going back to school when I asked it was always there was no time for that due to his busy schedule. It never bothered me that he had a high school education it bothered me that he couldn't get past that and I knew deep down that would be forever an issue. So I if I were you the first thing I would do is to ask him you may be worrying yourself over a non issue maybe he went to school but did not do too well or dropped out you never know ask first and take it from there and also find out his true feelings on your quest for higher education is he encouraging is he aloof about it because trust me my dear it will matter in the long run even if he has an undergrad and you have a masters how you both feel about it matters a lot; you know men and their egos!

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    Replies
    1. Makes a lot of sense!

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    2. I have a Masters degree and wouldn't date anyone who didn't have one. Lucky for me, in the circles I move in, that is the barest minimum so no biggie for me. Men and their egos. I have a very personal experience about this so I can't stress myself abeg trying to watch myself all the time. At the end of the day though, it is your decision.

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  8. i won't date him personally, men have very big egos...it will only be a matter of time before his complex would show up

    good luck

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  9. Its not suppose to be an issue,but men with their egos are something else.Give him more time to know how he feels towards ur been more learned than you.He might not really mind but try to make him see reasons why he needs to at least do these evening classes to upgrade his social status,trust me he needs it even to have some level of confidence in transacting business with the learned.

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  10. It's the person inside that matters, I think. Values go a long way than a good education, AND this the best bit: the two do not always go hand in hand.

    If he's a man who is confident in himself and not likely to throw your education in your face every time you have an argument (aka chip on the shoulder syndrome), I'd say go for it!

    Let your wisdom guide you.

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    Replies
    1. i agree with adura...nothing else to add

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  11. I agree with Girl from Kenya's comment...Also you can just go ahead and ask him about his level of education, if he has none, ask why and also know if he would like to go back to school.

    All the best with your decision.

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  12. Nigerians attach too much to degree education as if it is food. Honestly, you should not marry him because it may not work out since you believe in education. Find a well educated dude.

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  13. If he makes you happy, give him time to upgrade himself. That is if he is interested.
    There are some degree holders that can make you so unhappy, even with all their trailer loads of degrees.

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  14. at the end it is all up to u. will this be an issue in like 50 years? it is not anyone's call but yours.. If it is something u can live with then I will say go for him. what is ur heart saying?

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  15. You met this guy recently this year, in any relationship, this is the asking time. There is no need to get too sensitive or not have the liver to ask whatever you need to know about him. Just ask him. The worst that can happen is that you will not date him *especially if you really want to*. Relationships are personal investments, just like we ask so many questions when we are putting our money into a financial investment, so too a relationship.

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  16. I think 1st step is to 'liver' up and ask him about his education and start from there.

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  17. follow u heart,deep down you know what to do

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  18. I would like to ask... Wat do u look for in a man? Wat are ur priorities in life? Wat standard has ur family left for you? If you can answer these questions I believe u'd know wat to do. Mind u a degree is no guarantee to a good future. Itt takes d grace of God. I'd suggest you ponder on these few questions and seek d face of God. If ur sincere u'd get ur answer.

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  19. I don't have a B.Sc yet but I have been able to establish, grow and manage a Branding & Digital Agency for the past 6years. I also work with a company owned by the FG....I'm in a serious relationship too.

    My partner has a B.Sc and presently studying for her Masters. Though our academic differences hasn't really been much of an issue but sometimes it really could be worrysome. I live in Nigeria and a higher degree is valued - as much as a degree isn't always a determinant factor for success, personally I feel it gives a leverage. Whether it be a degree or not, a form of formal education trumps no-education almost all the time.

    While our Academic differences hasn't been an issue for us, it has been a concern for me. I'm a man and sometimes the 'ego' gets to me.

    Quite a number of my friends are graduates too and I'll be through with my B.Sc in year and should proceed for my Masters shortly after. A decision I made some years ago.

    I strongly believe you should find a way to talk about it and if it isn't an issue then its mind over matter (its already an issue 'cos its giving you concerns)

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  20. This is one important part of your relationship that can easily be dealt with now. Go ask him. And forget the fear that things may not work out after the asking. Ask yourself, what if you asking him is the best way of making it work out? We all have our egos. I am a man. If I were him, ego may later come in the way. There is a better way towards resolving this degree thing. He has money, the primary important thing and he has a stable business and a good character. So, he could always take scheduled classes for his degree, one which wouldn't disturb his biz. Don't bother too much about this. You both can work it out. That's why it's called Relat--ion---ship.

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  25. my case is similar to this. Althought my boyfriend is yet to complete his degree program due to carryover he was having whereas i am through with my masters degree. my parents are worried saying that probably he has bn withdrawn from school, my friends are like i need to go for a working class boyfriend. But i knw this guy really loves me and i love him too dearly. He is into car business and a contractor. this also gives my parent concern bcos they want someone with white collar job. I am so worried about this matter and dnt knw which action to take. Advice pls!!!

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