Tuesday, December 18, 2012

Dear Myne - Am I Expecting too much from Him?

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...I have been communicating with some guy for about 6 months, we live in different cities, he has almost all the qualities i listed above and is 6'3 :). The truth is i have come to like him a lot and i think that is why it is hurting me now. While he calls, send me mails, would run errands for me (online), send romantic songs and all that, he is yet to ask me out. He says he is scared of women and doesn't want to commit until he is sure he is being led to marry this person.

The truth is i never had an expectation in my relationships. I grew up not expecting anything from anyone and try to give so much. I probably felt being with me was just enough, hence i hooked up with people that were lovely in their own way but totally wrong for me. Even though i walked in without an expectation, i soon get hurt by their actions, they not understanding me and feeling abused because my emotions was not in the kissing and stuffs.

At this stage, i will say i have learnt to be my own woman and i will love a good cerebral man, that can communicate his feelings and frustrations, love God.. read spirit filled, Loves me, from a great family ( am an orphan) and hardworking ( young and up mobile) and Tall! because i am almost 6ft in my socks ... Everything else is negotiable.

So, I found out there is someone the guy I'm talking with likes a lot, she lives in another country and he is not denying it...and i told him to stop sending me those messages, seems like am being used as an emotional crutches, but he says it is not as straight forward as that. I have stopped communicating with him but he still wants to keep in touch.

What do i do? I like him, and if he likes someone else, no big deal. But i feel he is one of those confused folks that will never get to make-up their minds. Please advice.

***This request came in under Expectations from Relationships.


  1. I don't know much about a lot of things so I guess it helps that I watch movies lol. But here's a quote from this movie I saw over the weekend (The movie's called "The Kingdom" - just in case you're wondering lol)

    And in the movie Van Vicker's character says "Any man who doesn't know what he wants from a distance has a really bad sense of judgment"

    So two things are possible, either the guy knows what he wants or he doesn't know what he wants.

    If he doesn't know what he wants then, bye bye. But if he does then two things are possible, either he wants you or he doesn't want you.

    And so far, it's looking like he doesn't want you. Uhm... is it fair to say, you're the side chick? Let's call a spade a spade; it's either all or nothing and his all is with someone else so looks to me like you're getting nothing

  2. Take it step by step. Slow and steady. If he is yours you will have him.

  3. You have stopped communicating with him keep it that way he will soon get the message from unanswered emails and phonecalls if you have him on any social media sites get to blocking and move on with your life he is so not worth wasting time over.

  4. Please get it straight now, so you don't cry later. You said it with your own mouth that he is liking someone else. I 'll advice that you wait for your own man.

  5. I have walked in those shoes and they hurt! what I did.. I forgot hiM. and now, he is in a beautiful relationship with the said girl and we still keep in touch, we are friends.

    why did I forget him?

    1) We were not in a relationship anyways and for that reason he owed me nothing
    2) I was not official with him YET and worrying that he liked someone else was a bagage my heart was not ready to carry
    3) I have always held on to this rule: if a guy REALLY wants a girl, he will do all he can to be with her and BE OFFICIAL TOO!
    4) Like Nollywood REinvented stated; the guy did not seem to know what he wanted. he wanted me and did not. So took I took to it that he did not want me.

    I would not lie, I was hurt and I felt very little because in my mind we had started a relationship, this guy was sweet to me (plus he is a good person too) and knowing that all the dreams I had was crushed, hurt.. but as a "bad girl" I brushed off the dust and let him go..

    It was the best. If he wants you, he will be more serious about both of you

    -- p.S. Sorry for starting another blogpost here lol

    1. Same thing happened.
      I realized the more I prayed, the less things changed, the difference was our foundation was very much based on Christ and that was what more than 50% of our convo would be about, we both were really growing in our faith together. In retrospect, I believe God brought us into each other's lives to help with that, and I mistook it for more, because I knew he had liked me in the past. We just couldnt cross that hump. Eventually he met a new lady who became his wife, we stayed friends, and we both got married to different people. I look back and realize though I would have been ok marrying him, my husband now is even more amazing and I am blessed! Him and his wife make a lovely couple as well.

      I believe the poster should release him, let go, and trust that God knows her deepest needs, and will ultimately fulfill them, even more than what she sees now.

  6. It might hurt, but please move on x


  7. If he likes someone else, then maybe you should move on. Some women would be bold to tell him what is on their minds though. Situations like this seldom end well. It would be in your best interest to try to get over it all.

  8. Others have said much of it. Babe gather thy self esteem and move on.

  9. Move on and find someone who knows what he wants and that's YOU.

  10. Ah, I know a lot about this sort of thing and confused guys. I think he sees you as the second best girl; the fall-back chic. Biko, spare yourself the heartache and let him go.

  11. It has been some months since I wrote this and am thankful to Myne for putting it up. We are on more clearer terms right now, especially as I told him in no uncertain terms that I would not be an emotional crutch. Recently, we became better friends and he shared with me how he lost the girl he felt was the love of his life. She is married to another now. The good news is, I met a man that loves me the way I have always dreamt of. And am thankful.


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