Tuesday, November 13, 2012

Make The Happy You Want To Be

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Some quotes are cliche until you undergo specific events or experiences. Does one see a white light when they are under general anesthesia or do they float outside and above their body? Does becoming a mother make every woman a conservative republican? You can only live it to know it, LOL. On a personal level, while I've learnt to own my infertility, it becomes more difficult to explain it to someone else.

Like on this blog, I usually do it in a very simple and straightforward manner. I try to tell them the truth as I understand it. The difficulty is that everyone understands it differently, and because procreation is such a big part of life, most people have an opinion, and a strong one at that, on how it should be done. Presenting a more individual, this-is-my-story perspective is often misunderstood.

A few comments have asked why Infertility instead of TTC? But the fact is that this series is more than trying to conceive. If you believe, like I do, that God has given us all things for this life, and to be like Him, through our knowledge of Christ, it gives one a lot of insight. If there's anything I will need in this life, it is already given, and I don't have to beg or cajole or push my own will at God. I only have to trust and to accept and to live my life.

I'll say it again, infertility is not easy for me. I doubt that it is for any woman, or man. Finding out that I needed treatment to get pregnant or it may never happen was one of the more jolting experiences of my life. Thinking that you may never have a child that has your face, your eyes, or your nose can be depressing, especially when you've somehow always taken it for granted. And then, there's the worry about what people you have told are thinking or discussing about you. It is no wonder that many of us wrap it in a large, dark cocoon. In many ways, it is easier like that.

That said, infertility is equally not the end of the world. In fact, being infertile and talking about it - with my husband and with my family and with you guys - has helped me to grow as a person. It is like passing through fire and coming out refined on the other side. I know better who I am and who I am not, what defines me and what does not. I have found emotional and personal fulfillment, and I have learnt even more about life, about love, about faith and about happiness.

Of course it helps that we are on the same page, my husband and I. Through him I have a better handle on the experience, and what it means to have and to hold, for better and for worse. The bigger picture is clearer for both of us. I have accepted my reality of infertility. It happened gradually, but it is part of who I am now.

At this point in time, I chose be the happy that I make myself. I will make that happy rather than waiting for it because I believe everything has already been given. It is up to me to take and use what is supplied - including good health, family, the love of a wonderful man and the many opportunities available to us. Life indeed is about choices and a lot of time, we have that power to decide what to make of wherever we find ourselves.

Naijamum in London wrote a wonderful post about Locus of Control, both internal and external and how we can make personal choices about the circumstances we find in our lives. For those who have ever found themselves in various difficult situations, recognizing your power of choice is one way to enable you find your happy balance. Don't wait, and don't even think of giving up, YOU can make the happy you want to be.




65 comments:

  1. I hate to be the first to comment because it just seems like " You have nothing to do except read blogs" I can't help it jor.

    Yes I agree everything has been given. Someone once said that life is what we make of it, but again, there are times one wants to be happy but sour thoughts won't just leave you alone.

    I try to fight away any thought that leaves me unhappy. Sometimes it is easy, at other times, unhappiness can be a stubborn like a goat.

    Myne, I like that you are happy and I am truly inspired.

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    1. Sorry. *unhappiness can as stubborn as a goat*

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    2. Thank you so much, and I love it when you're the first to comment :)

      Indeed, unhappiness can very stubborn and sometimes it comes in waves, when you think it's gone, it surfaces. But we owe it to ourselves to at least try and fight it.

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  2. Good to know you are fully embracing happiness. Stay strong always!

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    1. Thanks Blogoratti, I will. And you too :)

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  3. Hi Myne,
    What you said about never having a child that has your ears, eyes, etc. spoke to me. I can't begin to imagine what it is like. I really admire your attitude and I think a lot of people (both fertile and infertile) need to hear this. There are a lot of things we take for granted and assumptions that we make about other people's lives. What fulfills us and makes us happy differs from one person to another.

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    1. We are all so different and that is one thing I hope readers take away from these series. Thanks Adura, for reading and for your considered comments, I appreciate the discussion.

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  4. Your strength really inspires me Myne x

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    1. Thank you. #outoftopic - Do you know you're one of the first bloggers I know :)

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  5. I love your spirit Myne you really inspire me more than you will ever know:) I also choose to be happy i was going through some stuff and waking up depressed almost everyday one day i woke up, decided enough was enough and chose to be happy no matter the circumstances and it has helped a lot. Pardon my ignorance but what is TTC? I know it's not Teachers Training College haha i'd rather ask than assume lol

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    1. I just had to laugh at Teachers Training College, LOL...

      @Pendo, I wish you much happiness. HUGSXXX

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  6. You are a very strong woman Myne. Amazing strength u got.

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  7. Have i said i love you lately Myne? Because i do *hugs*

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    1. Thank you Toin and Fragile. I appreciate you both, so much!

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  8. myne, been meaning to ask... do u believe in miracles?cos it seems to me like u dont.. the bible says there shall be no barreness in d land and dt we'd give birth like the hebrew women.. this is jst a farcade that wud pass. but sayin uve accepted "ur own infertility" isnt faith at all cos God never created anyone infertile.. wot i think u shud do, is kip praying and believing God and say d right things about urself concerning ds matter... cos d bible says we are children of God and woteva we decree,we shall have. Who are doctors to say ure infertile wen God hasnt said so..whose report wud u believe? Goodluck hun..ur faith wud yield for you..all these r only applicable if ure born again tho...

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    1. Hello Nikky. Yes, I believe in miracles. I do not think I am barren but I am infertile. Who says God never created anyone infertile? We are all God's children, you know? And He actually came for the sick and sinners?

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  9. Awesome pic you got right there I must confess,the laughter made it more stunning.

    We own it to ourselves to chose to be happy, though over looking our trials and ugly unpleasant situation life can sometimes throw at us can be difficult, but I'm a believer of trusting the will of God totally on the things we can't change. Is not about faith! My sis adopted twins a boy/girl after years of ttc with no luck,the experience having children to call her own regardless of where it come from brought huge happiness in her life, few years later she gave birth to two lovely girls from her womb. Does it mean she lack faith in God absolutely No.
    My bro/inlaw just adopted a bouncing baby twins two boys after 22 yrs of marriage. Yes he is born again Christian. It's simple called God's will not lack of faith.

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    1. Thanks for sharing those stories Uju, it makes me even happier. And thanks for the compliment too, now my head is swelling :)

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  10. Love the pic, the orange background, your smile/laugh... infectious.

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  11. But Myne am sorry i still don't understand y you refer to yourself as "infertile" i dont know oo.. it sounds one kind sha...

    I like embracing reality God knows that I do that often but I will not call myself what doesn't sound pleasant or what he hasn't called me... seriously, it like saying someone has cancer and calling themselves cancer.. (blanks face). It feels as though one is professing a negative terminology one's life, even if it were the case.

    Anyway what do I know, a sure this is what you feel comfortable with.

    In fact, I had to google it just to be sure... seriously, is that what the docs said? that you are unable to produce? cos if that the case you wont try TTC nah? I dont know Myne, am curious.. or is that it is just difficult for you to produce naturally, and that makes you infertile?

    that name tag doesn't sit well with me or feel right no matter how it is said, phrased or written, it just makes me feel like other than the fact that you have accepted this is your fate/journey. it almost feels as though you needed to own it to be HAPPY? Why? seriously am curious.

    To a degree, I feel like you are nonchalant "its like its life these things happen". Am just gonna do me and my family. And yeah I get that but still "infertile" i dont know oo...

    that my opinion sha, it comes across one kind.. i cant explain enough but I guess it not everyone that will get it..

    still, you are brave enough to talk about it..

    I guess it is what it is....

    I sincerely apologise in advance, i feel like i should share my own take...

    xxx

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    1. Daughter of my King, I couldn't agree more.


      "Own my infertility" - what does that mean?

      You're a Christian, therefore you should not be labelling yourself as such. The tongue is a powerful tool. You wish you weren't infertile, but you are calling yourself infertile? How will God answer you when you pray for your own children, when you keep calling yourself infertile?

      You said "If you believe, like I do, that God has given us all things for this life, and to be like Him, through our knowledge of Christ, it gives one a lot of insight. If there's anything I will need in this life, it is already given, and I don't have to beg or cajole or push my own will at God."

      I don't really understand what you mean. Are you saying that God has given us all things for this life, however, in your case it is Gods will that you don't conceive so you don't want to pray to Him for a child? It sounds contradictory.

      I think you should hold firm to Gods word and stop "learning to own...infertility". IT IS NOT YOURS TO OWN.

      It says in the Bible "Go forth and multiply" and it also says "none shall be barren in the land".

      I can only but imagine what you are going through emotionally, but God has not given up on you, so do not give up on His Word. Hold firm to it.

      It is well......

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    2. She refers to herself as BEING infertile and infertility which to me is a condition just like someone with cancer will say i have cancer. The first step to the healing process of any situation, illness, condition etc is acceptance which i believe Myne has done with regards to her condition. If she did not believe in God or miracles then i do not think she would have undergone all those medical procedures she would have just sat there and done nothing. But her undergoing these procedures tells me that she knows and believes that all is not lost. Doctors who i believe God works through otherwise they wouldn't be in existence diagnosed this condition and are doing whatever they can medically to help her conceive.

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    3. Hi DOHK , thanks for sharing your take. At its simplest infertility means one who cannot conceive after a certain period of time (say 1 - 2years) of regular intercourse. There are of course several reasons for this, some of these are medical, like mine, and will respond to TTC treatment. Some infertiles go on to conceive naturally after treatment, or even without treatment. Read more @ http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmedhealth/PMH0002173/

      @ Anon 8.04am, Now obviously, I don't want to get into a faith debate but let me say this. Don't get stuck on labels - black, white, married, single, sinner, saint, Christian or Muslim - focus on the person and their story instead. I am not barren, I am infertile. Undergoing my treatment and being open to my motherhood options is my way of living my faith.

      @Anon 8.30am, Thank you so much. Nothing more to add :)

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    4. Thanks for the clarification....

      I like the strength, attitude and optimism from yourself but I dont like how you refer to yourself as "infertile" and I will never like it. But hey, what do I know (am still growing), I respect it as being part of you since that how you feel.

      xxxx keep on keeping on

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  12. You have a good disposition to issues and it exudes in your post. God bless your home.
    *hugs*

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  13. Please, do not accept it. (I think I told you to in the comment I made before on a similar blog. This is an after-thought, anyway.) Do take a giant step of faith and pay a visit the widow of Late Archbishop Benson Idahosa who is now the Archbishop of Church of God Mission International Incorporated, headquartered in GRA Benin City. She is about to clock 70. As a young woman (of perhaps your age), she had this problem. She did not give up. Finally, God blessed her with four or so children. The first (male) is assisting her in ministry in the capacity of Bishop. He had the same problem. He did not give up either. The God that did it for his mother, did it for him and his wife. And I believe that that same God will do it for you IF YOU DARE TO BELIEVE, because he is the same God yesterday, today, and forever. Sometimes, it is wise to seek spiritual help in such situations as this. You can call +234 (0) 803 314 4937 on how to get across to Mama Idahosa for spiritual counseling and (of course) healing. Please, note that I am known in my church (Church of God Mission Int'l Inc.) as Deacon Paschal. Barrenness is a curse, and I strongly believe that you are not cursed. You are blessed, richly blessed, because you are a daughter of Abraham, purchased and sanctified with the blood of our Lord and Saviour, JESUS CHRIST.

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    1. Hello Deacon Pascal, but this is not your church o, LOL... Thanks for your prayers, but no thanks on Mama's number!

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    2. LOL! Myne has killed me with laughter. *I'm weak*

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    3. LOL! Myne, it is my church. Just came back from our 2012 international convention in Benin City which we had last week till Sunday, the 11th.

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  14. I dont mean too sound preachy!! this is how i look at it, i commend your strength and the grace with which you have dealt with your situation. one of the bravest things one can do in life is to accept ones situation head long and try to fix it. may i suggest that you confess Gods words concerning you, your body and children... from all the stuff i read on your blog, its obvious that you want children and that you are a God believer so why not confess Gods words that says you have the desires of your heart, the bible records concerning you that there shall not be any barren in his land,God promised us all that pertains to life and Godliness. The word of God is quick and powerful it can break the natural course of infertility infact anything... so with your other treatments and endeavours add one or two scriptures confess them meditate on them your body will follow suit to the prescene of the life in Gods word.

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    1. Thank you Miss Lara, I also believe in positive confession and the power of the tongue, but this blog is not sunday school or bible study, it is about practical living. By the way, God did not promise us all that pertains to life and Godliness, HE HAS GIVEN US ALL. I try to live in that knowledge.

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  15. I agree with nikkymandy, daughter of her king and anonymous 8:04 am. There's something about your writing that makes it seem like, "whatever, I've accepted my lot" and that should not be the attitude of a Christian. Only ONE woman in the bible died barren. ONE. Because she didn't think God was worthy of EXTREME praise. Doesn't that say something about God's desire for EVERY (interested) woman to bear her own child?

    Maybe your writing is not really conveying what your true attitude towards this issue is but it seems to me like it is.

    Read the story of David when he and his men went for war and by the time they got back, all their wives and property had been looted. David did not sit down and "accept his lot". He asked God SHOULD I PURSUE? WILL I OVERTAKE? That was a man who knew that he couldn't just let life happen to him. He got a go ahead from God and pursued and repossessed ALL that had been taken from him and his men.

    This your attitude get as e be Myne. If you are a Christian, act like one. BUILD YOUR FAITH, CLAIM THE WORD OF GOD FOR YOUR LIFE. Don't tag yourself with ANY negative label. The vision is for an appointed time... though it tarry, IT WILL COME TO PASS. Whose report will you believe? We are joint heirs with Jesus. We are a peculiar people. We don't live like the heathens do. Pray Until Something Happens. Join a prayer group or a felowship and pray without restraint. I will never accept any negative report. I will see it, say thank you and turn to God- MY CREATOR who knows my body more than any doctor can and tell Him to "fix" the body according His promises. God's words are true!

    Stop labelling yourself as "infertile". The worst that can be happening now is that you don't have a womb at all and is that too much for God to handle? Is God going to say, "oh no, no womb. This is too much for me to handle. Sorry dear. Run along."? No, He won't!

    Stop being a realist. Yes I said it. Stop being a realist. Don't sit back and let "life happen" to you please.

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    1. Thanks for your comments, Yimika. But maybe you also have to ask yourself whether you are reading these blogs with an open mind? I am undergoing IVF treatment, and considering adoption, does that seem like I am sitting with folded arms? FYI, I am not barren, I am very fruitful, thank you. And I believe I WILL parent children, even if they're not biologically mine. But yes, I am a realist if that's what it means to be living fully in the now, and choosing to be happy and thankful in all things.

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    2. Nkem (permit me that liberty o), you know that I know that you know that you are carried :). Absolutely a superwoman. Chai! you are an inspiration. You've already overcome!

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    3. Hi Myne,

      This is Anonymous 8.04 lol

      If you Google synonyms for Barrenness, infertility comes up. So stop doing 'I too know'.



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    4. Hi Anon, I also told you not to get stuck on words and labels, but on what the person involved is telling you? I hope we can all take away something from this discussion.

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    5. Hi Anon 8:04,
      You can disagree without being insultive. Which one is "I too know " again? Bet that God you expect her to believe in wouldn't approve of your comment ma'am. It takes a lot to put yourself out there, and even if you don't agree with everything refrain from insults. Andrew Wommack once said "you can disagree without being demon possessed" I.e being insultive, cursing etc.

      A beg, wisdom is profitable to direct.

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  16. Myne, I trust your path to being courageous and staying happy. If it's working for you to spaek out and also encourage others who are believing God for the fruit of the womb, then ok. But sincerely too, let your proclaimations about yourself be positive!

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  17. I love that. Being the happy that you make yourself. Often times we wait on the world or a situation to make us happy, but the joy of the lord is your strength, it's that inner joy you choose to connect with that gives you strength! This post is so inspiring, I can only imagine what you've been through but I'll always remember this.

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  18. Love that you are embracing happiness, love your spirit and attitude towards it and i'm sure God sees it too! Stay Strong.

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  19. Btw... Pls I (we) need the mobile site back... why did you take it away??

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  20. Life is reality. Suffering, Life's problems and even death are FACTS of life whether we believe it or not. Believing and reading God's word does not stop Reality. Infertility is not Barrenness. There is nothing wrong with being realistic and open. That's me o.

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    1. Wow! just got another post here. Off I go to write. Dancing back to my blog. God is good.

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  21. @Myne...you look so pretty in that picture and I love the smile

    Okay, I will say that you are a strong woman and I believe that at God's timing, you will have a baby. Don't allow the enemy to make you believe it will not happen.

    Just keep doing what you are doing and do the treatments, it will turn out positive.

    You are so blessed your husband is on track with you, truly must make it easier for you. I can imagine if he wasn't on the same page with you. Hang in there, your divine testimony is on the way

    I love ya!

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  22. I think aspects of some current charismatic christian teachings make us to live in denial. It makes us not accept God's will for our lives. Facing the reality does not mean you don't have faith. Jesus christ himself did not have any children on this earth but what he achieved surpasses any body else who was fruitful and multiplied on this earth. In the bible Sarah did not have any child until she was 99 years old. She faced reality and gave her slave to her husband to have children for her. Yet in the end in his own timing made her have a child when she was 99. Would we say God decreed this or not. Should she have been in denial she had the child at age 99?. Assuming Sarah did not accept the situation; does that mean she should be miserable all these years? As christians we must learn to accept whatever situation we find ourselves in the understanding that God knows best and in his own timing his will shall prevail which. We could say that death was not the portion of Jesus Christ but the reality is that for our sins to be washed away he had to die. So we should not second guess God by saying he did not decree this or that. The reality is that for a cause God can make anything happen. There are several situations that God allow certain things that we perceive to be bad happen to biblical personalities and Israel as a nation. There times when God caused Israel to loose in a war for his will to prevail. We should pray for discernment to understand whatever God is doing in our lives. And I think thats what Myne is doing.

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    1. Thank you for this comment, Activeghman. I hope other people will read your comment and understand the points that you put across. This is exactly what Myne is saying but some people in their love and heartbreak for her, have interpreted her post differently, perhaps. I know I was blessed reading your post and the biblical examples you gave. I hope Myne sees this and responds too.

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    2. Thanks Activeghman, you've said this in ways I couldn't. Maybe some others will understand this better.

      @Adura, really what I was trying to pass across, and more comprehensive. Thanks.

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  23. A round of applauds Mrs Myne! this is a very nice thing you have written. We have a choice, thats the greatest gift of all. a choice to be happy or unhappy.
    I like you very much, even though i do not know you personally stumbled on your blog somehow a couple of days ago.(cant remember how)

    I felt a bit funny the very first time, i saw that you called yourself infertile. but i have since gotten used to it( its probably your own way of dealing with things) if its good with you. it is cool! we all have our own ways of dealing with things and seeing things as we were all brought up differently, different backgrounds etc.

    i really respect your courage.. i mean the courage to write all of these private things about yourself and helping people to learn from your experience.
    My only thing is this, if you have taken that fine decision to share your experience with the world then you must be ready to recieve different responses opinions and comments from the world you MUST understand that not everyone thinks like you or see things the same way that you do. some of your replies have been very scarstic and not very nice a bit defensive also. You should expect all these type of comments and be ready for them. you can simply respond thank you to some of them. for example the comment to deacon the last bit wasnt nice also your comment about the sunday school thing. you might drive people away. everybody has their own different views, you dont have to take them, but be careful how you respond. if they didnt care about you they wouldnt take time to read your blog or spend time commenting.

    :)
    A new fan

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    1. Hi new fan :), and thanks so much for your comment. Of course I know I'll get different comments and that's why I left the comments open so that we can all share. That I reply is not to discourage comments but that I am also learning so it's not just one way. Welcome again to my humble blog :)

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  24. Being a Christian doesn't always mean our definition of happy endings. God's plan for us is always good. He sees the big picture, our perspective of our situation may not see the good in it. But we have to trust that God's plan is good because that is what He says. He allows things to happen in certain ways for a purpose.
    The way I see it Myne has chosen to trust God past this situation and has accepted that whether it not she bears biological children she will choose to be happy and celebrate what God has given her.
    My son died God didn't heal him, doesn't make God any less than He is. God allowed me to get pregnant when I wasn't even planning to then my child died. Does that mean God doesn't heal?
    Myne saying "I am not infertile" doesn't change what God says. If it is His will she will bear biological children or she will adopt. Instead of saying the Chrisianese "God will do it" it here being given Myne biological children. God's will should be the point.

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    1. Thank you Mrs A. Many either have not experienced difficulty or having to make hard choices, but in all God's will is the final word. And I think that view gives us more peace. I hope God consoles you on the death of your son, and gives you clarity in Him. Bless you.

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  25. Ulrica Pinto-FernandesNovember 16, 2012 1:35 AM

    Wow! So many people have so much to say to you on your post, Myne. Each one telling you what think, what to do, and what to call yourself...or not! LOL
    I wish they could all step into your shoes and walk half a mile and then post a reply here!
    Anyways, I'm glad that you've embraced the truth which, at this point in time, is your inability to conceive naturally. Now that you know what medics are saying about your situation, it is totally up to you to pray or not about it, to seek counsel or not, to TTC more aggressively (trying every trick in the book) or not...
    I just want to remind you that 'God finds us wherever we are...' He found Zaccheus up the tree, and he waited for the woman at the well, knowing that she would be coming by then. God will meet you just where you are, and do a work in your life. And while I don't know what God has planned for you, what I do know is that He loves you and His grace is sufficient for you. In your weakness, will His strength show.

    You have already said that all of this isn't easy on you, and I want you to know that you're in my thoughts and prayers...and I love you, my dear fried, with all my heart. Children or not, God has a beautiful purpose for your life and I admire your courage. I don't know if I'd ever be able to talk about my recurrent pregnancy loss the way you have bravely talked about infertility. But God has allowed these experiences in our lives for a purpose and He will make all things beautiful in His time.
    For now, enjoy the wonderful love you share with your Husband! It's a blessing, too.

    (((huggss)))

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    1. Thank you so much Ulri. I love you too and I really believe God will perfect everything in his own time. I am praying for you too my dearest friend and hugs back!.

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  26. Thanks so much for the mention
    I must have been AWOL when this came up
    You are an inspiration
    - Dont you ever forget it!

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  27. Ok I have read all the comments and I disagree with people making comment that Myne is not trying to be positive. She is only sharing her story/perspective of the way she is handling her personal issues. It might be helpful to someone going through the same situation. I believe she is positive enough to share her story. Do you want her to be depressed and keep questioning God?
    Having children or not having children is all in God's hands,let God's will in Myne's life be done. Children can be either by birth or adoption lets not forget that.
    Myne, do keep up your positive attitude and God bless Atala for honoring his vows of 'For better or for worse'. The Lord will strengthen you and only his will for your life will be done. xxx

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  28. Oh yes I forgot to add this, Myne said 'On a personal level, while I've learnt to own my infertility.....' I do believe she means accept/acknowledge the infertility.

    Sorry Myne I talk too much hence why I hardly comment but I just couldnt help it tonight with all the comments.

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  29. Aww Myne that picture is soooooooo infectious and HAPPY!

    You are beautiful, woman!. In and out. Your faith and joy is an inspiration always.

    p.s. your responses to comments have been brilliant.

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  30. Myne,

    You are strong, and I admire you and your husband. I see genuine love, laughter and respect you both share just by reading your blog. This is what you need and this is what helps you through every challenge you encounter in your marriage (some people my take me up for using the word "challenge"!)

    I know people who when they have not conceived or had children after several years of marriage trade blames and subtly (or not) point accusing fingers at the other. They visit too many pastors who begin to say the wife or husband is a water spirit. Another angle is for the pastors to forbid them from adopting, saying it is giving up on God, a lack of faith. In my opinion, people who would otherwise have adopted lose so many years of happiness they could have shared with a less fortunate person.

    I encourage you to continue as you have started, in faith, love and understanding with your husband.

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  31. Hi Myne, Your story just inspired me...tnx

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