Wednesday, November 14, 2012

15 Topics for Couples Thinking of Marriage

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One of the aspects that came up in a previous post was the importance of being on the same page with your spouse and how this can be achieved by communication. When a couple have been together for a while, meaning they've stayed the course over several dates, and agreed to become exclusive, and maybe the m-is-for-marriage talk has come up, then it may be time for some serious talks.

These discussions may be uncomfortable at first but they'll ensure the couple know each other fairly well and are on the same page on key issues that affect marriage relationships. Far from interrogation-style affairs, it would be easier if the couple is able to feel relaxed and build the topics into everyday conversation. Some of these topics include;

1) Money: While nothing is as un-sexy as talking about a budget, money is one of the biggest sources of contention in a partnership. So bring it up. Talk about it often. This matters.

2) Children: Do you want them? Does he? How many? When do you want to try to have them? All very important questions as kids are more than a fashion accessory.

3) Dreams: What do you want out of life? What does your partner want? It’s important to talk about the things you both want out of life as well as how you can work together to make sure you EACH are able to meet those goals.

4) Living: Where are you going to live? His place? Yours? Somewhere else? And why do you want to live there? Is it best for both of you?

5) Family Ties: It’s important to be able to set up some emotional boundaries when it comes to extended family — yours and his. You don’t have to talk badly about your in-laws to figure out who goes where for what holiday.

6) Culture Clash: If religion is a big thing for either of you (or both of you), will you go to church? Will one of you change religions? Is it okay with you both if you’re not the same religion? What about how you’ll raise your kids?

7) Old Flames: Are you in contact with your old boyfriends? Is he? Does that matter?

8) Past Problems: It’s likely that you broke it off with other partners for a reason. Why? What did you learn about those relationships and yourself? What about him?

9) Losing Secrets: In a marriage, there are no secrets. You’ll be seeing it all. So may as well confess your dirty laundry and get accustomed to keeping the lines of communication open.

10) Communication: It’s important to talk about how to have a proper discussion with your partner. Communication is a vital part of relationships, so discuss how you each handle conflicts before you’re in the middle of one.

11) Values: What are your values? Which way does your moral compass face? What about his? What’s okay in his mind may not be okay in yours, so it’s vital to discuss this before you get in too deeply.

12) Sexuality: There’s an old myth about not having sex after you’re married, so it’s a good thing to consider and discuss. You may have everything it takes to make a great couple work … except chemistry. Important to discuss how to make THAT work for you both.

13) Love: How you each show your love matters after awhile. Are you one of those people who “fixes” things to show love or do you simply hug and cuddle that love? What about him? If you don’t make it clear how you show love, it can take a toll on a marriage.

14) Cleaning House: Who does what around the house? Will you have a “Honey Do” list for your husband? Will you be responsible for certain aspects while your partner does others? Which ones? How?

15) Date Night: Be sure you discuss the ways in which you and your partner will continue to spark the romance once the wedding vows are taken. Date night? Nights in front of the TV without any distractions? Doesn’t matter, but it needs to happen. Source

Some people think talking about things mean things are going bad, but talking is good. When the conversation is good, it builds the friendship between the couple because they gain better insight into each other and practice their communication and conflict resolution skills. I would suggest dating couples who are considering marriage should stop worrying whether the topics they are discussing and the answers they receive are acceptable and start paying attention to how those conversations affect their relationship.

Do conversations lead towards understanding, growth, closeness and respect? If the opposite is the case and you find that you disagree on several key issues, then it may be time to evaluate the future of the relationship. If a couple is compatible, their conversations will more likely create shared convictions, compassion and greater unity.


  1. Each of the issues raised is very very important, but how many people keep to them? whereas these are the ingredients for a lasting and loving life together.

  2. lovely...lovely...
    knowledge indeed...

  3. Myne, Talking and observing are two different things o..

  4. Very important piece of advise here and for me I have learnt to ask the right questions. I believed I have broached one or more of the topics and YES money is a topic I am so keen to talk about....oh and Genotype because I am AS.

    Nice post.

  5. I agree with you Mamuje on the Genotype topic...I'm AS too...I've heard of people who dated 5yrs knowing fully well their types and then had to break up...why put yourself through such emotional heart break. That being said I know of people even family members who are SS and have had healthy children and lead healthy lives...but its different for everyone.

  6. Wonderful compilation Myne.
    I agree with the list.
    Some of the items are not 'critical' but if unattended to can lead to 'cracks', depending on the nature of the relationship.

    Beautiful reminder.

  7. I absolutely agree, beyond all the looking into each others eyes and the goose bumps, these important issues must be talked about and agreed upon before marriage.

  8. I think this is a pretty comprehensive list. #9 is very very very important. If you have secrets in your relationship it can lead to distrust and cause the relationship to break down but if you keep the lines of communication open you can continue to build a bond based on trust.

  9. Yes, absolutely agree with the post. These are the main reasons people think about marriage and want to live a happy life. romantic breaks are one of the part of marriage life that give a chance to spend a romantic time with the partner.

  10. do you mean, when you said "setting emotional boundaries. Please expatiate

    1. If you're a Christian, it is about the whole leaving and cleaving. As much as a couple loves their parents, aunts and cousins, the spouse is supposed to come first. So the boundary is in limiting how much time spent with the extended family and what and what you can do together or on your own. For instance you may want to start building your own Christmas traditions rather than go spend it with either of the parents or in-laws.

  11. 12 is not a myth ma.. its a command frm GOD .... Y'all disobey him and wen sumtn goes wrong in d relatnship, u call on him.... meanwhile for u to follow d rules he has set, u call it a myth


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