Thursday, October 18, 2012

The Ticking Biological Clock

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If all the talk one hears is to be believed, most women have their biological clock start ticking once they hit puberty. At the most, you block your ears to it until you're thirty, and then BAM, it smacks you in the face. To be honest, mine has been quite muted if it's been ticking at all.

I was a toyboy for most of my childhood, and still consider myself one to some extent. It did not mean I wanted to be a boy, what it did mean was that I rarely dwelt on my femininity. I was like if the boys had two legs and could play football, then why not? If two arms are for climbing trees, then what am I waiting for?

The only times I couldn't escape being female of course was when I hit puberty and my periods started. They came HARD - twist up your innards painful. They came regular - like a clock if it followed the moon. And they came long - seven days sometimes. So yeah, by the time I had borne a couple of years of the bloody visitor, I made peace with being a woman, and all that came with it. I studied reproduction with the same intensity I did most things, so I knew my periods meant wombs and ovaries, and when I wanted them, babies.

However, men and babies usually go together and I wasn't too fond of the men around me for a while. Marriage was iffy and during those periods, I explored my feelings around not being married and not having children. I was OK with remaining single, but because I grew up with children always around (my mum runs a nursery/primary school), I knew I would make a good mother and I considered having some children on my own, adopting and/or mothering my sibling's children.

Maybe that period helped prepare me for now. Ever since we found out about the infertility, I hardly think about it. I've had two episodes where the feeling of loss overcame me. On one of the occasions, I cried as I grieved for the children I may never have. Most of the other times though, I simply look forward to a life with my husband and any children we will have in the different ways available to us.  There is so much to life and I've always been determined to live it to the full.

I know this may be difficult for some of those reading this to understand. In fact some people around me are still waiting for me to come to my senses. Some seem to want me to break, or they try to shove their advice down my throat. Others are confused. They expect me to be running from pillar to post, or from church to prayer house to prophet in search of a solution to this curse on my life.

I understand, but really, I do not see this as a curse. Infertility is a disease, an uncommon disease but not an incurable one. If I had cancer, I would go to the hospital, and that is what I am doing now too. We are taking treatment for infertility and we are fine with our doctor and our chances. Those chances are not 100% but that's fine too. I don't feel I have to have - like some would say - my own children. I would love to have children, but more important is to build a family with Atala, and see children grow under our care.

There are other options that include adoption, and we accept that we may not be our children's biological mom and dad. If nothing else, we understand even better now that life can sometimes be unpredictable and so we're going to go with the flow.








26 comments:

  1. Thank you again for sharing this

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    1. You're welcome, Toin. And I appreciate all the support :)

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  2. I am so glad you are not anxious, nor allowed anyone put you under any undue pressure. I appreciate your views, however, one thing I am certain of is that you will have your "own children" among the adopted and any other medium you decide to use to have children. God bless.

    .........how much more shall your Father which is in heaven give good things to them that ask him? Matthew 7:11b

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  3. I love u, myne. Muah, Muah, Muah.......not a lot of homo, just small. Lol.

    Thanks for sharing this with us. You r one awesome lady and I admire u for doing this.

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    1. Thanks Sting, I love you small homo too, LOL...

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  4. When I crossed 25 I started thinking about the clock too. Had to consciously push it to one corner.

    You are so brave and strong Myne. So many off your thoughts here have inspired me.
    Ŧђɑ̤̥̈̊п̥̥̲̣̣̣kƨ̣̣̣̇̇̇̇ for sharing...as always. *Hugs*

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  5. Our attitude to life is what we have control over, just like you stated in one of your previous posts. Your attitude towards this is so great.

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  6. I totally understand you because i share almost similar sentiments regarding the ticking clock (why do they even call it clock anyway how about the tap running dry lol that makes more sense). It has never bothered me growing up and still doesn't maybe i am just different:)

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  7. I've been following your blog and everything you write for a long time and I must say your courage just keeps blowing me up each time. Wow, you're such a confident, courageous woman. That's all I can say.

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  8. Its very great that you are sharing this. You are a strong woman myne,

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  9. Hmm, Myne, the worst part is the culture we grew up in that places childlessness on the same level as death. We don’t make such difficult situations easy for those who are living through it...

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  10. You are going to get all those prayer warriors that are spouting prayers up Mt Orab for you confused. They will be like should we pray and banish all demons if she is okay with not having biological children? LOL. I am just happy with your refreshing honesty and admire your attitude towards your situation while being ever thankful for the bond you share with Atala. Cheers to an awesome future whatever it brings!

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  11. Thanks for sharing this. I clocked 27 ystd and as u can imagine most of the messages I got ended with "when will you get married" and "you don dey old o", which simply implied that my clock was ticking away, but funny enough I am not so bothered about it,although there are times I did wish I was married, the thing is that people don't seem to get the fact that I am not so bothered about getting married, I believe it will happen when it happens.

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  12. Being anxious over anything is NEVER productive. Rather it is like a rocking chair- it gives you something to do, but never takes you anywhere. As much as your posts might be helpful to someone out there, it is also catharsis for you.I continue to wish you every success in all you do.
    www.tobechistyle.com

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  13. I love ur courage myne and I like your. Focus. don't let anyone's opinion bring you down in Life.if God doesn't have an issue with it and has ur best interests at heart,then nobody's else 0P matters..
    xoxo. U'll come out stronger and u'll be fine

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  14. u'll come out stronger and you'll be fine.don't let anyone's opinion bring u down umm..if God isn't complaining,then who should?..and by the way,he knows what suits Each person.I love ur courage myne..
    xoxo

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  15. In truth mayne u need to thank God for the kind of husband he has given you. every woman needs a man with his type of love and understanding otherwise mayne truly saying, this situation may not have been as comfortable as it is for you now. and for the strength God had given you to hope for positivity, that strength will bring out the best in you. we're still here, we wait for the day you blog to say you're pregnant or uve adopted or whatever you decided to do with or without having children around you.

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  16. I think you are totally awesome, and a massive inspiration to all.

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  17. T Notes just spoke for me *massive hug*

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  18. wow!!...am speechless. You're really strong Myne. I thank and trust God for you dear. It's well.

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  19. My dear, we were not there when you started with Atala, so its not for anyone to tell you how to continue. Both of you have built a strong foundation of love. Hold on to it and to God, we can only support and cheer from the sides.

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  20. the truth is the fact you go to ten pastor or all of the night vigil does not mean your prayers all be answered. each individual has their own relationship with God... and their ways of praying or communicating with him. Like you said in one of your posts... life isn't one size fits all different things work for different people and even sometimes, things don't work for people like galavanting looking for a solution, where it is at their finger tips and they just have to make peace with a situation, pray about it and not forget life goes on... and try not to forget to enjoy where they are while they strive to get to where they want to be... as always, cheering you on.

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  21. I just stumbled on this site, and I must say I already have a crush on you and your writing :) Your honesty is refreshing (like someone else said up there) and quite startling, tbh. As someone who struggled with fibroids, miscarriages and all that stuff, I can identify with you and I'm also encouraged by your outlook. Go with the flow, enjoy your life and leave the rest to God. His thoughts for you are continually thoughts of peace (Jer 29:11). xxx

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  22. Mazi Chidiebere IkeanyionwuMay 22, 2013 10:24 PM

    Great spirit! Believe me, ma'am; as God is alive, you shall live to have your own kids!

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  23. This is beautiful. Im in my late thirties. Im not so bothered but the culture thing is overwhelming. God will Bless You always.

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