Friday, October 12, 2012

Should couples use the same Bedroom or Separate?

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Atala and I share the same bedroom and bathroom and I can't even imagine having to use separate ones in the near future. But I know that lack of privacy has been identified as one of the reasons strain develop in some marriages, and if an individual had their own space to get a good sleep, or just do them in peace, they may be more amenable when working on other issues. And some people can be so messy, it gets on their partner's last nerves.

At the same time, the intimacy that comes when a couple sleep in each other's arms has been scientifically proven to grow love. Cuddling, with or without sex, is supposed to trigger oxytocin in both men and women, which makes them calmer and more sensitive to the feelings of others. I certainly like that idea :)

Which side are you on, and why is it that option that works for you?








33 comments:

  1. Married 2.5yrs and couldnt imagine not sharing same bedroom and bathroom with my hubby. Infact we are both like babies, I wake up at night, and say "hold me" lol, and he knows my leg is always bent around his. Sometimes its my shoulder that is his pillow, and its me cuddling him like a baby lol. He has now discovered the art of trying to get up when he has to wake up much earlier than I, without waking me up...LOL It does build intimacy, and I wouldnt have it any other way.
    Thankfully my hubby cleans after himself, and keeps the bathroom clean. I cant imagine how messy it'd be if he didnt clean after shaving, and all that nonsense that some husbands who are slobs do...phew!

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  2. I've been married almost a year and we share the same bedroom and bathroom. Can't have it any other way. I'm the baby here. Love the way she cuddles me. Her sweet boobs are my pillows,lol.

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  3. Data analyst babyOctober 12, 2012 1:16 AM

    All these comments make me feel like getting married ohh kaiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii..... Na Baba God we dey look up to for our own man.

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  4. Am not married yet, but I know I would share same bedroom and bathroom with ma spouse. Most def!! Infact I look forward to it ni.

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    1. Hmmmnn,been married now for about 3 years,and when we newly got married,it was fun,having the house to ourselves and all that,don't even know where we conceived our first child,lol,but after she came,gosh,she was such a fussy baby,and my hubby always complained about how he wasn't getting enough sleep,and how it affected him at work,the complain got frequent,and 3 of us sleeping together wasn't much fun anyway,she had to sleep in the middle,and she wouldn't even stop crying,so I moved to the other room with her,she got used to it,now she doesn't like sleeping alone,she loves to cuddle me when she wants to sleep...and now I have another girl,7months,she's still on breast milk so,we all can't sleep on the same bed even if its big enough for us all...sorry for my long comment,just being real,its difficult to keep up with some things when u have kids,its one of the sacrifices we have to make,I still share the same bathroom with him tho,but it aiint fun especially when my daughter wants to join in the fun,she's only 2years old...so I'm used to sharing most of these things with my kids now,and I and my husby only get to made do with the time when they are asleep or visiting their grandma...

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    2. Tip for when you have your next baby and to the married couples planning on having a child do not under any circustances sleep with the baby in the same bed as you two that is a recipe for disater since baby will not want to leave your bed. Remember when you are still in hospital baby sleeps in the nursery or in his/her own cot if in the same room as you do the same when you bring baby home from the first night put her/him to bed intheir own cot/bassinet you will thank me later. It is better to wake up and feed for a few months than to have a two year old who refuses to leave your marital bed. Intimacy be it cuddling or otherwise is very important statistics show that most men begin having affairs soon after baby comes for this very reason of sharing a bed. I did it Oyibo style baby slept in a room next to ours and i had a baby monitor so i could hear her cry. You have to train these little ones from the first day they come home it may be difficult for new mothers but i believe it needs to be done

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    3. This is the strategy my mom had for me and the immediate siblings..but with the last one it is very different. Follow Babyhelpers advice cuz my baby brother started using his bed as a toy storage. lol

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  5. Anonymous you better start sharing yourself more with your husband, than with your 2year old....

    Just saying.

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  6. Lol Myne I had to check the calendar to see if we were still in 2012 or gone back in time to 1950! Coming from an African setting whereby polygamy was the norm and acceptable back in the day and it obviously made sense to have separate bedrooms if they all lived in the same house, I can understand anyone who grew up in such a household having the mindset of separate bedrooms since for them mummy had her room and daddy had his. But in this day and age I do not think separate bedrooms are a good idea. And a baby should not make your husband leave the bedroom just saying find a way around it as has been suggested.

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    1. this cracked me up big time, i.e the check the calender part too cuz i felt the same way.

      I share the bedroom with my hubs and cant imagine it another way, anytime he is out of town i find it hard to sleep because his hands are not around me, can't imagine myself in the other room and when my baby comes he's definitely sleeping in his colt, with a baby monitor, it is even dangerous to sleep with a baby on the bed, if i turn and strangle the baby, what would i say

      my husband snores, but i'v accepted it

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  7. Couples should share same room oh. It helps bonding and ignites "sparks" . I can't have it otherwise, am a sucker for cuddles, kissing, and gbogbo everything....it's a winning formula why change it.

    I remember an elderly couple who shared separate rooms. The wife passed away during the night and no one knew until the morning when she didn't come out of her room at her usual time. Autopsy showed she had a heart attack and because she was alone on the room, couldn't get help .

    I never forgot that incident...... My hubby snores but it still won't make me move into a separate room

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  8. Separate bedrooms? No way!!!. I have been married 10 years and have always had joint bedroom. Can you imagine what it would be like if we had a quarrel? We would start sleeping in separate bedrooms and before you know it, there would be less communication. I know some people have arguments for separate bedrooms, but you are a couple. I think you should be together in the same bedroom. When you are in the same bed, the likelihood of intimacy growing is very high (not guaranteed though). Still, I vote for the same bedroom any day.

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  9. I've been married for 9months now and strongly i agree that sharing the same bed is as important in marriage as staying married. when we have arguments the previous nights to bed, the next morning we are forced to talk to each other bcos its either his leg is on my waist or my hand on his head. so we dont have much choice. I can't imagine what it will be like sleeping in seprate rooms. It's a recipe for broken home i must say.

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  10. To me marriage is pointless if man and wife don't do basic things together such as sleeping in the same room. Based on biblical principles "the two are now one".

    But every one's marriage is different, and these days marriage means different things to different people, plus people get married for various reasons that will blow your mind away.

    That being said, i believe that couples should do most things together. Sleep together, sleep in the same room every night, if possible take a baths together, share the same bathroom, eat together, dress alike when attending functions, go out on dates together, talk about everything.

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  11. Sharing all the way....Maybe my closet will have a different bedroom sha..

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  12. My closet can have my room rent free lol. but for me I can't imagine not sleeping in the same bed with my hubby , been married for 8 years.
    Baby went straight to her cot as soon as we arrieved hospital with the support of baby monitor, she's 5 yrs now sleeping happily in her room, while I enjoy my husband just the way it should be.

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  13. Sharing
    Two separate bedrooms smacks of business
    I'm not married yet sha!

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  14. Like some other commenters, I have loads of clothes and shoes. I don't think we can have same bedroom though we can sleep together most times. I also like my space especially in the bathroom.

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  15. If you are not going to share a bedroom with your husband then what is the point of getting married? Y'all better off as roomies with shared bills.

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  16. No way, why did they get married in the first place? Marriage makes them one body. Couples should sleep in same bed
    http://trendysturvs.blogspot.com/

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  17. I guess this is a good post to ask how do u deal with a snoring spouse? Especially if u r a light sleeper.

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  18. I don't know which I love more, this post or the comments on the post haha... and uhm... TEAM SAME BEDROOM O abeg... I don't have a marriage-saving world-renowned reason for it but I'll accept whatever anyone offers as a reason my own sha is SAME ROOM!

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  19. Same bedroom, same bed, same bathroom all the way!
    Will be two years married next month and expecting our first baby next month. When i suggested baby sleeping on the bed with us, Hubby's response was a definite NO. So we have a cot set up in our room to be moved to the other room (hopefully) when baby is about 6months.

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  20. My parents have a set up that I love. They both have their bedrooms that connects with their closets, but my mum sleeps in my dads room. Separate rooms is just helpful for getting ready, watching tv, working, etc. But I think that's for more established couples who are well off. I can't imagine a young couple using separate bedrooms. Might as well be roommates then.

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    1. same with my parents. my mum has her bedroom with her cloths and stuff there but she sleeps in my dad's room every night.

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  21. I love my life partner because he always with me and we can't use another bad room. we can use same bad room for love and conversation and anything and its really gorgeous post and thanks for sharing.
    Aspirin

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  22. Same bed anyday. I'm nocturnal and having him to cuddle up to or even just letting our legs touch helps me sleep better. Working on getting baby out of our bed totally. At first it was fun sneaking to the guest room when the mood seizes but now... I need to bounce that boy!

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  23. Lmaooooo..... These comments are cracking me up, but i am learning. Now i know not to make baby feel too comfortable in mummy and daddy's bed.for now, i am pro same room

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